Patrick A Granfors

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Let me help you smile!

    

I've never been what one might consider to be a writer. I'll pen the occasional spoof or rant in the local newspaper's opinion section. Their policy is to eventually print anything submitted assuming it is not offensive.  I have an offbeat sense of humor, often bordering a little on the dark side so I guess offensive is a relative thing. I'm not particularly well read, other than the coursework required for my geology degree 35 years ago and the occasional science fiction book.

My employment requires digesting volumes of plans and specifications and converting them into a communication product intended to speak to a variety of audiences ranging from engineers, managers, superintendents, and foremen, to owner's representatives, architects, and lawyers. The work can be a bit dry.

I lived in Alaska during the mid seventies where I started my career in construction as a geotechnical engineer on the pipeline. It was my first real job and to this date the best job I ever had. I've always loved the wilderness and during my stay I was able to travel deep into the back country where few tourists go. The views and the wildlife were just unbelievable.

Here in Southern California, wilderness takes on a whole new meaning. I find the urban sprawl and frantic pace appalling.  My wife Eileen and I have found refuge near Cape Fair, Missouri where we bought a place for our mutual retirement on Table Rock Lake, in the Mark Twain National Forest. We don't get back often enough.

I  amuse myself writing sarcasm and silliness, occasionally some real poetry. I get my motivation from my memories of Mad Magazine, National Lampoon, The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers (I'll be amazed if anybody knows who they were), and other low key forms of humor. I'm a huge fan of Andy Rooney and his dry wit. I've mulled a couple of ideas for a book or two but never put any serious effort into it.  I'm still a die hard Detroit Tiger and Lions fan. Most years it is painful. Direct TV just makes it a little easier to self inflict.

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen as I enjoy cooking a significant variety of culinary treats, some of which actually turn out to be edible.

I'm not particularly religious. Belonged to a Lutheran congregation through high school but never went back. But I respect anyone's beliefs and religions so long as they are not harmful to others.

It's the love of my life Eileen who motivated me to join the site, if nothing else just to have a place to keep my "stuff" She's been posting for quite some time now and I'm always impressed with her work even though it often hits very, very close to home. She's unique, and so am I.  An odd pair.



Birth Place: Lansing, MI USA

Accomplishments: Employee of the month, October 1981, Wismer & Becker Corporation
     



Short Stories

Strawberry Green Springs
 by Patrick A Granfors
Sage sent me a funny commentary last week. This is what came out of it. No idea what to do with it, sort of dorky, but OK how many wines and liquors can you find? Chapter one....maybe...


Transitions
 by Patrick A Granfors
Possibilities and lessons Photo:Dailymail.co.uk...


Drip Line
 by Patrick A Granfors
The results of Friday's noctunal slide show...



Poetry

Encounter
 by Patrick A Granfors
Slow afternoon...


Redneck Valentine
 by Patrick A Granfors
For My Sweetie...


Riding the Rails
 by Patrick A Granfors
I take a walk at lunchtime each day and the route takes me along the Union Pacific Railroad tracks. I have been fascinated with trains since I was little. Photo:By Patrick Granfors...


Shaking in Spaghettiland
 by Patrick A Granfors
The Italians have a knack for squashing science. Just ask that old heretic Galileo. Their latest fiasco involves the conviction of government seismologists for manslaughter, for failing to predict a f...


Pirate's Dream
 by Patrick A Granfors
More Lyrics: After finishing up 2 straight months of sleep deprived, mind crushing effort on a project proposal that literally sapped every ounce of creativity out me, and put my muse in a co...


When Pigs (Almost) Fly
 by Patrick A Granfors
You may recall my whiny little poem written last June describing the US Postal Service’s abysmal progress in replacing our damaged community mailbox. Well, last Friday I got a glimpse of flapping win...


Thorny
 by Patrick A Granfors
A Modern Fable Photo:123rf.com...


Tick Tack Toe
 by Patrick A Granfors
Circle gets the square....


To Mom on Dad’s Day
 by Patrick A Granfors
My dad passed away in 2005. I miss him a lot but my mom was married to him for 55 years. She’s got dibs. She also has Alzheimer’s and for now at least, fond memories of him. Some people might find it ...


A Stone’s Throw
 by Patrick A Granfors
Photo:Jimgentenbein.blogspot...


Don’t Mourn the US Post Office’s Demise
 by Patrick A Granfors
I used to have huge respect for the institution and its employees. Then the mail started showing up about 5:30 pm instead of noon. Then I started getting my neighbor’s mail, and them mine. Nothing imp...


My Own Diamond Jubilee
 by Patrick A Granfors
No disrespect intended to Her Majesty but I don’t get all the hoopla over this 60 years on the throne business. Counting my potty training, I can make the exact same claim....


The Transit of Venus
 by Patrick A Granfors
Tomorrow Tuesday, June 5th beginning at 3:09 pm PST, the planet Venus will travel across the face of the sun, a process called a transit. It is a fairly rare phenomenon and won’t happen again for 105...


It’s National Donut Day!
 by Patrick A Granfors
Hey folks I just learned that today is National donut day. There is still time to do your patriotic duty, so get out there and buy American!!! ...


Budweiser’s Revenge
 by Patrick A Granfors
In an unprecedented move, and at the urging of the struggling former US beer maker Anheuser Busch, the United State’s Government has declared war on Mexican beer brewers. NASA, in collaboration with N...


Eclipsing the Eclipse
 by Patrick A Granfors
The longitude of southwest Missouri prevented me from seeing the full eclipse since it occurred after sunset local time. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, a cloudbank moved in moments after I took thi...


Returning to Kindee
 by Patrick A Granfors
Relaxation is the primary goal when we come to Missouri. Eileen bought me a watercolor paint kit to play with. I haven’t played with watercolors since kindergarten. It is fun being a kid again. This i...


A Watched Deck Never Dries
 by Patrick A Granfors
Part of my Ozark vacation ritual (we brought my 80 year old mom along this year) includes the annual weather sealing of my wooden deck. This year I was a bit early and, since last time I used a superi...


Chasing Backyard Butterflies
 by Patrick A Granfors
Many varieties are here in the woods right off the deck. Photo: By Patrick Granfors ...


Birdwatching
 by Patrick A Granfors
We are on vacation at our Missouri lake house. A cardinal has a nest near our front door. He’s got a grub for a youngster. My neighbor has several bird feeders that attract a bunch of birds I never g...


Super Moon Mantra
 by Patrick A Granfors
Moonrise wasn’t visible from my location so I didn’t see the exaggerated horizon orb in living color. It did come up high enough awhile later so I could take this shot through an oak tree. I need to b...


Life in the Litter Box
 by Patrick A Granfors
I recently came to the realization that like most people, my world is a litter box and I don’t even have a cat. Here kitty kitty....


Vivisection
 by Patrick A Granfors
An Acrostic Photo:The Balletbag.com...


Bad night in Milwaukee
 by Patrick A Granfors
Talk about a perfect storm for three people with Shakespearean like coincidence: Mary Moore age 45 had been drinking and about 1:00 am wandered out into the middle of the street, laid down, ...


Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
 by Patrick A Granfors
A Mayday Poem for your amusement. Mayday - Derived from the French term m’aider (help me) ...



Articles

Fabulous Eight Bean Soup
 by Patrick A Granfors
From my kitchen…..It’s wintertime which to me is soup season. Here’s a crock pot “recipe” for some tasty and hearty eight - bean soup that I make frequently when whole hams go on sale which I then re-...


Consequences
 by Patrick A Granfors
The consequences of a long afternoon....


Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
 by Patrick A Granfors
OK. Here’s a departure from my norm that deserves special attention. I don’t normally share my cooking failures, but I’m willingly share my successes. Stuffed cabbage rolls are a definite winter time...


Phobos-Grunt Re-entry
 by Patrick A Granfors
It could happen as early as this coming Sunday....


My Second Ozark Boat Ride
 by Patrick A Granfors
Vacation thoughts about a mighty fine Ozark day. Photo: By Patrick Granfors, Cottonmouth on the lake...


Marinating on my TV
 by Patrick A Granfors
I give up...


A Penny For My Thoughts?
 by Patrick A Granfors
It currently costs the US Mint 1.8 cents to produce a penny. A nickel costs about 8 cents and a quarter costs a dime. A printed bill costs about 4 cents regardless of the denomination ...


Time for Confusion
 by Patrick A Granfors
Its about time...


Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation
 by Patrick A Granfors
Time marches on and so does Alzheimers...


Alzyisms - Part 6
 by Patrick A Granfors
Today is the day, live for the now...


Dateline Orlando
 by Patrick A Granfors
I have huge respect for Tiger and little respect for the parasites of the media who once again wet themselves. Still it is a shameless humor opportunity....


Alzyism's Part 5
 by Patrick A Granfors
The hill is getting steeper....


Alzyisms Part 4
 by Patrick A Granfors
Nearing the end of an eight week stint, we go on a family "vacation"...


Alzyisms Part 3
 by Patrick A Granfors
Another stint begins...


Patrick's Somewhat Amusing New Car Buyers Guide
 by Patrick A Granfors
Choose your lemon from this virtual citrus grove of the industry's finest offerings ...


Low Tech Potato Leek Soup
 by Patrick A Granfors
A Personal Favorite...


Best Onion Soup Ever
 by Patrick A Granfors
Great Soup, use an electric skillet at 375 degrees...


Living with Alzheimers (Alzyisms Part 1)
 by Patrick A Granfors
This is for anybody having to deal with a live in parent with challenges....


Alzyisms Part 2
 by Patrick A Granfors
Alzheimers isn't going away...


Plodding Along on LA's 405 Freeway
 by Patrick A Granfors
For those who hate commuting...


Old news but amusing for some
 by Patrick A Granfors
My co-worker is a wolverine fan. He had his way with me(not literally) for several years. Pay back...


For Frustrated Spartans
 by Patrick A Granfors
Someday again...

 
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 Patrick A Granfors
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Member Since: May, 2009

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