My name is Donnatella aka Contessah (old stage name).  I have survived most extreme addictions, abuse, pleasures, pain, fear, panic, relief, excitement, and ascension. I was an extremely talented flute player and conga drummer for 45 years, 15 of it were on large stages and 6 with John Lee Hooker (blues flute...yes) years ago. I played at countless parties, about 50 spiritual drum circles in the Santa Barbara mountains with 10-20 awesome master conga drummers smelling like patchouli oil and hairy arm pits for 3 days at a time (pig roast) during my teens, or small smoky bars for 6 hours of enchanting, sometimes with too many Brandy presses, but I was onstage for the majority of my adult life.

I lost all of my ability to play even one riff on the flute IN ONE SHORT HOUR when I got my teeth pulled all at once and got dentures 5 years ago. MOST OF ME DIED THAT DAY. I am very hollow inside now and need to release some pent up emotions through writing. I tried beading but I still have tons of my jewelry for sale. I don't know how to retail, obviously. My granddaughters fill a huge hole but it's very different, that kind of energy. So, I can't say I'm totally fulfilled.

 I have many stories with HUMOR woven through them, which has been the most important factor in my survival of several exciting but ultimately scary out-of-body experiences induced by me intentionally trying to escape this dimension, only to come back.  There remains this internal mental and emotional mania now suppressed verbally due to fear of over talking. Once I start, I paint a picture of one of my many experiences, creating a story. I don't observe very well, absorbing the room instead, by accident. I don't mean to. A lesson to learn....listen.  I'm so used to entertaining that I have to shut up or my husband gets on my case for taking over the conversation. It's my bipolar mania when I'm around another human being. I'm, therefore, quiet in my corner of the world, my bed with the remote, or searching around on my computer.

It has left me in a silent loneliness with fear of leaving home after 35 years onstage and "working the room" in any venue I played at. I made several demos that all got stolen 3 years ago and now I have NOTHING to show for my talent. Not one note. Not even a picture. Oh, I have one picture xeroxed in my wallet all faded of me in a bar at the microphone with my flute. All my photo albums were with them. It devastated me. Now I am mostly alone in my bedroom, rarely going to the livingroom or even outside nowadays. I have agoraphobia (oxymoron character - bipolar - Taurus-Gemini) which is probably why I have so many facets to my life's stories.

I hope to entertain and enlighten just one reader into always finding something to laugh about as I mock my own life. After all is said and done, finding laughter from the lesson is my strongest medicine to any situation I have ever experienced. I am looking forward to sharing with you my shuffling and forever changing points of view, usually when I am manic, sitting at my old black and sometimes dusty desk, quietly alone with my two cockatiels on the back of my chair, in my pajamas and comfy with my slip-on Uggs completing my safety net. Totally invisible. I miss living. LOL

I do have ONE redeeming factor:  FAMILY. There is my husband who has stood by my side for 10 years of my crazy life, seeing me succumb to silent loneliness from a vivacious entertainer. He has been through 8 suicide attempts and loves me like nobody's business. I am so thankful for him. He keeps me alive. Really. He does. Being a grandmother is my other obvious blessing, and my sister and her husband.....and good ol' Papason, my dad. FAMILY. THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE. I HAVE MY BLOOD.