Priorities between you and your Maker are the ones that matter most

 

oh my God i need U 2 just leave me alone. . .

         oh my God i need U 2 just leave me. . . 


   oh my God i need u 2 just leave. . .  


         oh my. . . God?  i need u 2 just. . . 


 oh my God!  i need u 2. . . 


                      oh, my God. . . i need u. . .


oh. . . my God! . . . I need

 

© 2006 cynth’ya lewis reed
all rights reserv’d 




 Below is a questionaire from the book "Toxic Parents; Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Dr. Susan Forward, with Greg Buck.  

I. Your Relationship with Your Parents When You Were a Child: 1. Did your parents tell you you were bad or worthless? Did they call you insulting names? Did they constantly criticize you? 2. Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? Did they beat you with belts, brushes, or other objects? 3. Did your parents get drunk or use drugs? Did you feel confused, uncomfortable, fightened, hurt, or ashamed by this? 4. Were your parents severely depressed or unavailable because of emotional difficulties or mental or physical illness? 5. Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? 6. Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret? Were you sexually molested in any way? 7. Were you frightened of your parents a great deal of the time? 8. Were you afraid to express anger at your parents? II. Your Adult Life: 1. Do you find yourself in destructive or abusive relationships? 2. Do you believe that if you get too close to someone, they will hurt and/or abandon you? 3. Do you expect the worst from people? From life in general? 4. Do you have a hard time knowing who you are, what you feel, and what you want? 5. Are you afraid that if people knew the real you, they wouldn't like you? 6. Do you feel anxious when you're successful and frightened that someone will find out you're a fraud? 7. Do you get angry or sad for no apparent reason? 8. Are you a perfectionist? 9. Is it difficult for you to relax or have a good time? 10. Despite your best intentions, do you find yourself behaving 'just like your parents'? III Your Relationship with Your Parents as an Adult: 1. Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child? 2. Are many of your major life decisions based upon whether your parents would approve? 3. Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after you spend or anticipate spending time with your parents? 4. Are you afraid to disagree with your parents? 5. Do your parents manipulate you with threats or guilt? 6. Do your parents manipulate you with money? 7. Do you feel responsible for how your parents feel? If they're unhappy, do you feel it's your fault? Is it your job to make it better for them? 8. Do you believe that no matter what you do, it's never good enough for your parents? 9. Do you believe that someday, somehow, your parents are going to change for the better? (End of Questionaire)

The questionaire notes if you answered "yes" to 1/3rd of the the 27 questions. . . you may want to seek closure with professional support.

(I answered "yes" to 49 % of them. The first part of closure is admitting that hurts from childhood are not our fault. Sometimes people do the best they can do, even if it's not right for those around them. This is why we need to support our community shelters, anger management programs, and help others who visibly and emotionally need our help.)

My struggle with the child within is with not being able to comfortably approach my mother about my father without causing major conflict in our relationship. I need to just learn to be confident in myself in terms of knowing I may never know the answers. I struggle with the pending departure of my 92 year old grandmother who is suffering with Alheimer's Disease, and the close connection that I will greatly miss once God decides it is time for her to go to her home in the skies.

Grieving is a longterm process that does not always center around physical death, but also emotional suffocation, fear, and inability to express those feelings in a safe and loving place. I thank you here at Authors Den for giving me a place to express without being judged.

blessin's
cynth'ya