Years of anticipation just to find,
That all of your decisions were made in vain,
That these 15 years still you have stayed the same,
That your situation still has not changed.
I wonder if you thought this would be different,
That meeting you would make me realize,
You made the right choice on giving me away,
I want you to know, that I am grateful for what you did for me that day.
I know it must have been hard for you to say goodbye,
To your only daughter that you loved with all your heart,
I can’t even imagine how many nights you cried,
And how the pain never seemed to subside.
I wish I could have told you, I was happy.
That I enjoyed myself and was spoiled like a princess,
My parents were good to me and love me,
As you bare witness, even you couldn’t disagree.
I know it must sting when I call you by your name,
Or how you’re not the first one I tell things too,
I almost feel guilty sometimes when I hear it in your voice,
Not to be blunt, it was you who made that choice.
I see it sometimes in your eyes that you regret,
When it comes to me and how we are now,
But on more than one occasion, you have tried,
To make me feel like it was I who said goodbye.
I was only a toddler when you decided it was too tough,
To be a mother, like my big brown eyes weren’t enough.
You still rode hard, smoked more, and loved yourself even less,
How could you think that a kid could be part that mess?
They say nurturing comes with giving one life,
But to tell you the truth, you will never understand,
How to love anyone but yourself,
I feel no guilt and I hold no grudge.
I feel pity that you finally know,
How I let my memory of you die so many years ago.