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Lonnie Hicks

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Books by Lonnie Hicks
Fractured Idioms-8/11/12
By Lonnie Hicks
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2012
Last edited: Monday, August 27, 2012
This short story is rated "G" by the Author.
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           >> View all 436
Nobody stopped me so...

get the lead out
What happens when one brings a knife to a gun fight

lose touch with reality
What? Reality has been touched? Security!

nothin' to it
Modern paychecks

play devil's advocate
Why do people think that the devil needs a lawyer?

tie in
Bedroom romp for two

be out of one’s mind
Say it with me: politicians, bankers, and corporations

keep oneself to oneself
Extreme selfishness among schizophrenics
Take the Spear
Javelin-catching while blindfolded-The toughest of all of the Olympic sports

roll with it
What you get with a “fresh pair of eyes” at good restaurants

swept away
A big broom and tiny Lilliputians

before you know it
Sudden  event prior to not knowing

compete in
Typo-switch the "p" and the "e" and take out the "t" when women invite one another to the bathroom
sit on hands
Strongly advised for young boys at the prom.

take a gander
Goose theft
watch step
Watches cannot walk. Of that I am sure

be as thin as a rake
Olsen twins on lawn care

in the bull pen
A bad idea for a matador

Give it to me straight
Never say this to a person with a bow and arrow or to one’s lover late at night. Never turns out good.

bust one
Luckily I have two

Right on!
Old fashioned expression now only used by baby boomers who have been out drinking all night

strike funny
Children listening to their baby boomer parents use 60’s expressions

two hoops and a holler
Looking at the monthly bills

Cheap breast augmentations

throw for a loss
Politician-tossing is wildly popular and almost always results in a loss of brain function, which is now obvioius among politicians

be on the fritz
Those addicted to carbonated beverages

ruffle feathers
Birds hate this

Hard cheese!
A mouse with no teeth uses this expression often

dangle before
Naked dangling is illegal in 25 states

in his wisdom
Ancient Vikings believed that the brain resided in the back teeth and some people to this day still believe it.

kick up heels
Kick up is a special game for elevating philanders

in the end
Sometimes lovers breaking up will say “fold this five times and stick it where the sun don’t shine meaning…  

fluctuate with
I don’t want no body fluctuating on me. No sir.

expand on
Sitting on a younger brother until he squeals.

household name

do the dishes
Sadly many men believe that doing the dishes causes cancer

can't say as I do
Typo-the “as” is eliminated revealing a phobia many men have

doors open up
3am at the local bar

live high off the hog
And the hogs are really upset about this demanding back rent.

piddle around
Missing at the urinal

a ménage à trios
Refers to all French films

shoot the bull
The act of a desperate matador

What's buzzing'?
Bee greeting

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Reviewed by John Coppolella
I like the simplicity of what you wrote here. Good frame-work. Keep rolling with it. While some may gather in crowded rooms to shoot the bull and to find out what's buzzing, to me three is a crowd, unless you are talking about menage a trois. (blush). Let's not piddle around and get to the point. You sir, live high off the hog getting good reviews, and letting others open doors for you as a writer. I can't say as I could do nearly as well as you have done under the circumstances. Kudos.

Also, before I do the dishes, I wanted to expand on the idea of you being a household name around the den. Mostly my reputation fluctuates from review to review, but in the end I get to kick up my heels when I get a couple of good ones proclaiming my wisdom as a writer. Sometimes I get dangled before a rat or two like a piece of hard cheese, when I ruffle a few feathers. Usually, that is when my thinking cap goes on the fritz, and that is the thing that can really throw me for a loss. Then I remember those AD floozies flirting with their cheap literary pasties all a flutter trying to get me in a lather for a good review.

Truthfully, I really do not give two hoops and a holler about all of their style of writing, though sometimes it strikes me funny how if I'd have written it as a man, they would bust me one and call me unbalanced. So just give it to me straight, Lonnie, don't you feel like a matador in a bull pen when someone with a thin as a rake portfolio decides to warn YOU to watch YOUR step, when you take a gander to do something to spread your wings, rather than sit on your hands and let others compete for the applause?
Eventually you forget the naysayers and before you know it you are doing swell, getting a giant head-rush and you just roll with it. All of a sudden someone decides to give you an unkind response, while your guard is down, and you take the spear right in the proverbial butt.

Let's face it pal, they'll be out of their minds when you really tie in to your muse and play the devil's advocate about the things THEY write. There is nothin' to it, really, writing here, even if we do seem to lose touch with reality on occasion. I have to hand it to you, Lonnie, you really get the lead out, no pun intended, when you put pencil to paper, so right on!

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