My aide is here until noon, making beds & doing laundry. Friends will come at intervals this afternoon & Laurel is staying overnight tonight; Nanci stays over tomorrow night. Then Louise’s sister Jude & her husband Bob will be here for some days & nights, almost until M.’s return.
 

The recording last evening went very well. L. turned pages for Myra & occasionally the violist; Al turned pages for the violinist. The musicians were well prepared, in spite of the gap since the concert, & are just exquisite players. Lying on the couch, it was like being in a heaven realm for much of the recording session. Al was delighted because he never gets to sit with the musicians, he is always in a different room behind his machines. Laura & Myra know my music from Visions, Bill played in the String Quintet; only Suzanne was new to my music, & she caught on very quickly. The viola double stops in Dance were not perfect - they are very difficult; but it is the very nature of the piece that they be a bit primitive & out of tune, flat. I was very pleased throughout - & often could not imagine a more beautiful interpretation or better playing ... Just exquisite. Al will drop off the demo CD in a few days so I can listen & choose takes; when I am better we will edit the CD, which should take a few sessions.
 

I am inspired to record more of my pieces after I recover fully from these surgeries, make more CDs. If I could be playing or listening to or rehearsing my music every day - I would have the perfect life.

Unfortunately, one must also take time to write the music: although that phase is also rewarding & inspiring, stretches one past oneself & the ordinary life ...
 

Monday, June 30
 

Jude & Bob arrived last night. They will stay until the end of the week, & tomorrow Carolyn & Louise’s other sister Beth will come to visit. A house full of McConnell’s ...
 

Al dropped off the demo of Images, the unedited version; will try to listen to it later today.
 

Tuesday, July 1
 

Carolyn & the children & Beth could not come today; was disappointed. I have not seen Beth since before Louise died ... Jude & Bob went looking at houses again today; kept me company the rest of the time. Two former meditators came by today; one now lives in Nevada, the other in Iowa.
 

Listened to the rough, unmixed CD Al dropped off. The balance between the instruments is somewhat off & some editing is needed, but on the whole the recording is excellent just as it is. When I am feeling better I will log it & scribble down the needed edits. Am walking with less pain today; still difficult to sit at the computer. Mainly still flat on my back. The days go by one by one. Today cooler & little sun. Perhaps a short walk in the garden later, we’ll see. The indoor plants are watered, the cats fed; rain has kept the gardens happy & all is well.
 

Thursday, July 3
 

Today Becky came by & read to me for an hour; Larry stopped in before work; Laurel; Louise’s sister Beth and her daughter Tess came up from Pennsylvania for the afternoon. Beth looks just the same; Tess is grown now, tall & beautiful. Rain, cooler today. We spoke some about Louise: Louise told Beth I was speaking French to her, in the hospital, just before she died. My beautiful singer, Louise. A flock of people for a few hours & now alone for a time. The doctor wants me to sit up & walk more - yet not exhaust myself. An uneasy balance to keep; almost any activity exhausts me. Two private e-mails to Jf got mistakenly sent out to everyone at WG; now I can only hope no one reads them ... Beth & I agreed that once one has seen angels or friends in their soul state, in other realms - all else here seems rather flat. Then we agreed that we must find that Beauty & Divinity here, on earth, while still in the body. Not an easy task.
 

And it is so difficult, not to compare the two.

 

Friday, July 4
 

Another beautiful day, sunny & cool. I have not been outside this entire week; when M. returns from Europe hopefully we will resume our evening stroll in the gardens. Until then, I am caught in the house - although now I am well enough to occasionally go down the stairs & walk around the kitchen & livingroom. Bob & Jude left today, & I will miss them. Had a very small piece of chocolate cake today, an experiment I will not quickly repeat.
 

No pain killers at all today; getting incrementally stronger each day. Many visitors & L. will stay overnight.
 

Sunday, July 6
 

JF stayed overnight last night; JB came & we watched old movies. Carolyn & the children are coming today, for a few hours; M. returns tonight from Europe. My aide made lunch & straightened up the house a bit; when I can go easily up & down the stairs by myself we will no longer need to hire an aide. For now they are scheduled for the entire coming week. I still can do very little but take short walks back & forth in the upstairs hall - & rest in bed. I was told it will take eight to ten weeks, or longer, to get back on my feet because of the two surgeries. Another lost summer.
 

I will not be able to begin playing the piano again until September or October... A week or two before the first surgery I had learned & memorized a new Chopin Impromptu & had begun two new Chopin Ballades. All those memorized notes will be gone by September; I will more or less have to begin again. Life - although always interesting - can also be so discouraging at times ....
 

Sarah & Chris will be back from England in a few days. Sarah wrote she will be here until October.
 

Monday, July 7

M. returned last night safe & sound, after dinner. JB was here & spent some hours with us. Today I woke before the aide arrived - scenes from my past filled my mind, happy scenes from when I taught piano at 113 and a half W. Buffalo Street. Then I walked a bit in the upstairs hallway, as the doctors have told me to do; thought about my life, about life in general: work, friends, periods of rest, periods of intensity, periods of dryness ... Illness & health ... genius & stupidity ... Alone & with others .... Noise & silence ... The inner & outer landscapes always changing, thoughts & events constantly shifting. Then there was a knock at the door; a past piano student of mine Kwan-Yu, with his wife & two children. I had last seen him thirty or so years ago, when I still lived at 113 and a half. His visit easily explained my thoughts on awaking ... I told them that they were always in my Heart & waved to the children through the window as they left. He has been in his home country all these years.
 

Friday, July 11
 

My meditators Pam & Serge dropped by the other evening & attempted to clip some of the topiary & watered the back garden. Last night M. &I walked to the corner, and the gardens are just magnificent. Huge sprays of colour everywhere, abundance & Beauty - like Paradise. Migdahlia was watering. Must call Dan & ask him to mow the lawns. Pam & Serge’s topiary efforts need a bit of work; wrote them to try again & have courage. The aides need to know when they are needed on the weekend; e-mailed M. for the schedule.
 

I can still sit at the computer for only very limited amounts of time; still feel as though I am floating between realms, not quite entirely back here yet. Interesting to hold the ability to climb up & down stairs as an important goal at my age - & yet an important goal it is, & something to dearly strive for. Once I can manage the stairs I will have no need for aides. Still get tired very easily; still mainly resting in bed. At the end of the day: a very difficult summer. Chris & Sarah dropped by - they will visit again & make me dinner on Monday. Tonight JB comes for some hours. M. will be at Windgarth; last night Laurel stayed with me & M. swam the lake with friends .... These periods of illness & injury & inactivity are so difficult for me - & yet I also know that during these times something deepens & something also transforms in us - & all becomes more transparent. Until we are all as clear as glass, these periods of hardship & pain & struggle will continue to punctuate our lives ... until that inner Light, our true Selves, shines purely & unbrokenly into the world ...
 

Rain today; cooler.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sending Angels & Healing: A Mystic’s Journal Entries: July 13-24, 2008 NOT IN YET p 18

 

For those of you who do not read A Composer’s Journal, I am including the June 20^th entry from that Journal here:

Friday, June 20

This is the first day I have been able to sit at the computer since Thursday, May 29, the night Dave the physicist arrived from Detroit. M. was away for the week, at a conference in California. JB & Dave arrived around 8 p.m. and they immediately took me to the hospital; I had emergency

abdominal surgery soon after dawn; had complications and another, more serious surgery a week later. Came home this past Wednesday & am doing my best to recover from both surgeries. The recording of Images has been put off until this coming Thursday. I spend most of my time in bed, & half unconscious from the painkillers I must take every few hours. The gardens are beautiful, heavenly really - but also running away from neglect. I can do nothing, & it will still take many weeks for me to recover ...

After weeks spent in a small, colorless hospital room and corridors - the woods and flowers and gardens are almost startling in their intensity & depth & range of shades & hues .... Not just their vibrancy, but also the extent of focus, the sharpness of focus - a degree of focus that adds yet another dimension ...

I am too tired to go on today, will try to return tomorrow.

 

Sunday, July 13

In the high nineties yesterday; today mid-seventies, rain - sheets of rain fogging the windows, pounding the upstairs skylights. Earlier, looking out an upstairs window, the overgrown crab apple tree in the back garden covered with small, red fruit; a modest grey bird half-buried in some upper leaves. The aide came for an hour, a new one, wiry and energetic; Laurel stopped by. A call from Carolyn yesterday: Elisabeth was in surgery, appendicitis. I sent healing and angels and tried to allay Carolyn’s fears. Today Elisabeth on the phone, cheerful, home in bed watching tv. And so we both are recovering from the same surgery, Louise’s grandchild and I ... Elisabeth will not develop complications and require further surgery, I already clairvoyantly asked; and Elisabeth did not have infection, it was a simple operation.

I have felt Louise’s presence so very strongly in these past weeks. Jude called this afternoon: she and Bob will stay with me again for some days at the end of the week; M. will go to Windgarth those days and nights. Louise’s sister, Jude. JF called. Tomorrow Chris and Sarah will come and make me dinner, spend some hours with me. M. will be home late, a meeting after work.

Began painting again.

Monday, July 14