C'mon, its funny!

His stomach was starting to rumble then it started to wretch. He could feel his belly tightening as the contents were about to erupt. Thinking back upon his day, he decided that maybe his food choices weren’t the best. First, it was the slightly undercooked and runny eggs. That was followed with a piece of toast coated in butter that had been sitting out for days. Then lunch popped into his mind. He ate that twelve inch, smelly tuna fish hoagie packed with those acrid smelling, eye watering, raw onions and a side of salty sardines. What a combination.

Thinking about the food only brought him closer to puking. He could feel his stomach muscles pushing upward trying to reject this buffet of nastiness that was his day’s meals. Then there was dinner. A bowl filled with linguine in a buttery clam sauce started to push its way up. However, the appetizer, a half of dozen deviled eggs, probably was not helping matters. After dinner, he gorged on a mountain of ice cream smothered in a rich creamy chocolate sauce. After a day of eating like this, he felt like food was packed all the way up to the top of his throat.

Oh, yes. He could feel it coming. His stomach was not going to take much more of this. He thought maybe a glass of milk would help to soothe his out of control stomach. As he threw his head back and took a big gulp of the milk, he could feel the chunks of sour spoiled white liquid oozing down his throat. He slammed the glass down and looked at the carton. The milk was two weeks overdue. At that moment, he could feel a combination of nasty food, overdue milk and bile start to force its way up his throat.

Knowing what was coming next, he headed toward the bathroom. With every agonizing step he could feel the food push closer and closer to the back of his throat. Finally, just like the eruption of Vesuvius, his mouth exploded. He doubled up in agony and could feel the warm half-digested contents of his stomach violently force its way up to the top of his throat and out of his mouth. The smell of sour milk, ice cream and chocolate sauce started to fill the air. As he looked down he saw the nasty pile of warm, chunky vomit laying on the linoleum floor.

His cat, which he always thought was a little brain damaged, walked over to the mound of stomach stew and started to take a few licks. This did nothing for him as he felt his abdomen start to wretch again. Quickly, he tried moving to the bathroom when another eruption interrupted his quest to the toilet. This time his body spewed forth strands of pasta, chunks of clam and a few deviled eggs. After evacuating what he thought was all of his lunch he could feel his heart beating fast and the sweats coming on. The final remnants of the puke were still dripping down his chin. The back of his throat was sore from the acidic bile that just tore through his esophagus. Then he could feel a small piece of linguine hanging from the inside of his nostril. Apparently, the force of this last explosion forced food up into his nostrils where he had to pull out the snot covered half-digested piece of pasta.

Now, he was exhausted and almost felt like collapsing. As he looked down at the puke on the floor, he hoped the cat would just lick it all up because there was no way he wanted to clean up that mess. After a few minutes, he could feel his stomach start to settle. Then, after being lulled into a false sense of security, he felt another explosion coming on. Lacking the energy to stand, he crawled his way to the bathroom and hung his head over the side of the toilet. With one last great push and a pain-filled wretching scream, the man blew his runny eggs and sour butter out of his mouth and watched as it splashed into the toilet, sending some of the vomit filled water back up into his face.

Finally, it was over. He didn’t puke for the rest of the night. The next day he felt fine. But he will never forget that horrible vomit filled day.