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Ian R Thorpe

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Books
· Age Of Certainty

· Age Of Certainty

· Blöd Ties

· The Best Of Boggart Blog (vol 1)

· Dimensions of Mystery

· A Two Faced Poet

· Millennium Dawn (anthology)

· A Stroke of Luck


Short Stories
· Bloodaxe Corner

· The Kiss

· Psycho Benefit Fraud

· The Vegetarian Shoemaker Of Barking

· Garry Trotter and the Portal of Pleasure #7

· The King of the Ribble Delta Blues Singers (humour)

· A Stroke of Luck - Chapter 19

· A Stroke of Luck - Chapter 18

· A Stroke of Luck - Chapter 17

· A Stroke of Luck - Chapter 16


Articles
· Freedom Of Speech And Information - Why It Is So Important

· The Science Fraud: Many Scientific Research Papers Are Pure Gobbledegook

· Maybe You Should Think About Getting a Tinfoil Hat After all

· Merry Atheistmas

· High Brasil: Fairy Tale Or Atlantis

· Captive Minds And Intellectual Cowardice

· Is The Universe Helping Us Think

· Deliberately Wrecking Our Environment

· Why War Is Inevitable

· Helping The Mind Cope With Stress


Poetry
· We Made Love

· The Hands Of Old People

· Time Travellers

· The Pompous Toad

· Bye Bye Blackbird (parody)

· Sleepless Nights Of A Little boy

· Fitness Fanatics Blues

· The Goddess - Anima Mundi

· Spider

· Different Clothes

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Books by Ian R Thorpe
Garry Trotter and the Portal of Pleasure #3 (Adult Humour)
By Ian R Thorpe
Posted: Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Last edited: Saturday, July 23, 2005
This short story was "not rated" by the Author.
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Recent stories by Ian R Thorpe
· The King of the Ribble Delta Blues Singers (humour)
· The Stranger's Field
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           >> View all 36
Chapter 3 - continuing our serialised Garry Trotter - Boy Wizard adventure.

It was almost exam time and Garry was supposed to be revising in his room. Instead of concentrating on The History of Wart Cures he was thinking about Briony and his wand was demanding attention. Throwing off his clothes Garry was about to get down to some serious work when he was distracted by a scratching, scuffing noise coming from beyond the end of the bed. Strange noises were not a strange occurrence in Swinlemoles and Garry tried to ignore it. But the noise got more persistent and was accompanied by a lot of huffing and puffing and grunting.

"What on Earth is going on?" the boy wizard asked nobody in particular and was surprised to get an answer.

"Just - puff - moving the - grunt - rung a bit Mr. - arrrrrooooogahoof - Garry," said the voice of Dobber the domestic gnome whose job was to look after the private room and its occupant.

That occupant now sat up to see what was really going on. Dobber's capacity for misunderstanding was legendary.

"Dobber, why are you moving the rug?"

"Dobber 'as found somefink what 'onerable Mr Garry will find interessin."

"Not now Dobber, I'm busy."

Dobber looked as if he was about to burst into tears. "Oh woe is Dobber, Dobber has been bad gnome and disturbed 'onerable Mr Garry just as great wizard was about to spank the monkey. But Dobber only wanted 'elp Mr Garry get a peep at Miss Briny wivvout clotheses."

"What!" said Garry, leaping forward to help the gnome. Together they pulled the rug aside and Dobber pointed proudly to a knothole in the floor and indicated that Garry should look through it. When he did so he was treated to a view of Briony naked and about to step into the shower.

Later in the girls dormitory Briony confided to Titania Hemlock that she thought there was a heavy breather ghost in the girls' showers.

It was a while before Garry understood what had been revealed. There was nothing in the school library of volumes on wizardry, witchcraft, potions and enchantments about young wizards getting hair around their private bits. Just as he was growing a patch of hair around his willie, Briony, who did not have a willie of course, sported a dark triangle at the place where her body joined her legs. Eventually Garry had had to use the Cloak of Invisibility left for him by his parents to slip out of school and into the dimension of reality. Once there he had visited a muggle shop that had the windows painted so nobody could see inside and a sign that said "Adult Book Shop" before he found anything useful.

Inside the shop were thousands of books showing male and female muggles without clothes. All of them had the strange hair that he and Briony now sported. He also noticed that the men all had moustaches. Horror of Horrors, he and Briony were turning into Muggles. They would be expelled from school and have to give back their broomsticks and get jobs in fast food restaurants. Who could possibly hate them enough to have done this.

Despite the spotty young man behind the counter becoming very panicky when he saw his stock lifting itself off the shelves, thumbing through its own pages and then disappearing as Garry slipped books that he fancied under the cloak of invisibility, nothing was done to stop him and he strolled out of the shop with a lot of valuable research material.

Later in his room Garry had time to study the literature properly. All the muggle ladies had hair, but some just had a little tuft called a Brazilian and others had narrow line called a landing strip. Garry supposed it was where muggle men tried to land their broomsticks. One woman whose pictures were in several books had a heart shaped patch of pink hair. Garry thought that was quite artistic and then decided that Briony had chosen a triangle because it was a powerful magical symbol. Briony was great at defensive magic, she would have been quick to realise something was going on and protect herself. But how could Garry ask for her help. He could not even talk to her without blushing these days. It was impossible to get near the girl wizard without feeling embarrassed so mentioning such a delicate subject was out of the question.

And then, as he studied the muggle books he though of how he had acquired them and a brilliant idea came to him.


 

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Reviewed by Rosalind Thompson 4/21/2008
Ian, why do you only have parts 3 and 7 online? Come on, give us more Harry, I mean Garry Trotter!
Ros
Reviewed by April Smith 7/20/2005
This is too funny...A Harry Potter Fan, April

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