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Beverly Mahone

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Member Since: Jul, 2006

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Books
· How to Get on the News Without Committing Murder

· Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie

· Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age


Short Stories
· Lies Women Tell: Because Mommy Said So

· Sexual Intimacy and Lying

· The Truth Hurts or Does It?

· The Differences Between Sarah Palin's Daughter and Mine

· Secrets and Lies

· Don't Read Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie If...

· Career Advice I Never Forgot

· The Road Map of Life for College Students

· What a Difference College Makes

· My Real Life College Road Trip Part II


Articles
· How My Book Has Remained on the Amazon Best Seller's List for 3 Weeks

· Twitter Feud, My New Ebook and Kathy Ireland

· How to Shine With a Press Release

· Baby Boomer Women and Media Lies

· Social Media May Be Hazardous to Your Health

· It's My Party I'll Cry If I Want To

· Top 10 Baby Boomer Presidential-Elect Songs

· How to Go from Green to Red Hot as a Radio Host

· Dead Host Talking

· How to Become a Good Radio Host


Poetry
· My Baby Boomer Valentine

· Beautiful Moms

         More poetry...
News
· How to Get on the News Without Committing Murder Hits Number One on Amazon

· New Ebook on How to Get Publicity Makes Amazon Best Seller List

· How to Get on the News Without Committing Murder

· New Ebook about the Lies Women Tell Goes into Third Week on the Amazon Best

· New Card Game Designed for Mature Women

· Newly Released Book Climbs to Number 2 on Amazon

· Trayvon Martin Death Subject of Beverly Mahone's Radio Show

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If I were Santa
By Beverly Mahone
Posted: Monday, December 24, 2007
Last edited: Monday, December 24, 2007
This short story was "not rated" by the Author.

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Recent stories by Beverly Mahone
· Lies Women Tell: Because Mommy Said So
· Sexual Intimacy and Lying
· The Truth Hurts or Does It?
· The Differences Between Sarah Palin's Daughter and Mine
· Secrets and Lies
· Don't Read Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie If...
· Career Advice I Never Forgot
           >> View all 63
This is dedicated to every woman who knows she's getting older but still has pep in her step and glide in her stride

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do?

I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you,

and deliver some things just inside your front door,

things you have lost, but treasured before.

 

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,

and to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.

Then restore the old color that once graced your hair,

before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

 

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted,

so things now suspended need not be uplifted.

I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back

until you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

 

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin,

so you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.

You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells

and you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

 

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes;

no searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.

Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny

 from a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

 

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take

and no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.

Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid.
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of cupid.

 

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle

and the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.

But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me;

the matronliest of matrons you ever did see.

 

I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,

But I'm due at my doc's for an estrogen shot.

Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere;
Merry Christmas to you, girlfriend and a Happy New Year.

 

You can hear the audio version here:  http://www.talk2bevpodcast.com/podcast/  

 

Web Site: www.thebabyboomerdiva.com  


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Books by
Beverly Mahone



Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age

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Amazon, more..




How to Get on the News Without Committing Murder

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Signed copy!
Amazon, more..




Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie

Buy Options
Kindle, Amazon, more..



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