The Cave Creek Poetry Recital might be cancelled. . .

. . .Edvard the Elder was reading a bedtime story to Brother Jersey Devil Ed . . .

Once upon a time, as many as a thousand years ago, Cave Creek Elders gathered, as we do today, but they were smoking Fuente Fuente Opus X cigars, playing cards and expressing themselves freely at the expense of polite conversation.

"A moment in Stone Age history!", they announced proudly in unison,"It is now a new cave rule that if women enter, they can't complain about our behavior"
and they continued, ". . . if they want to come to our Creek Cave Poetry Recitals. . . from now on, they must attend hairless, bald, and downright smooth!"

Well, aware not, A Jim, (Do you know what that is brother Jersey Devil Ed?
"What?" Pay attention, Brother, that’s half your problem! (Edvard the Elder hit him with his club)
"No, No! I don’t know what it is" ( . . . rubbing his head)
Well, A "Jim"is a "woman" and a woman will define herself to you one day, usually over a glass of wine and some smelly cheese. That’s it! . . . that’s all you need to know . . . nothing scary about it now, but, . . . gradually, Brother,   you'll become very frightened and it won’t be a bedtime story, no. . . you’ll never want to wake up. . . just ask,  Pee Wee!
Any who, where was I?)

Well, aware not . . . A Jim, with a bottle of Eau de Cavern and her accomplice, Jim, who had a mouthful of Provolone, so happen to overhear the cavemen elders ugging all this stuff.
They got really huffed and gathered many more poetic cave women and such . . .

Jimmy the Conga cave Women came into the picture, saying, "Every caveman needs his cave, egh? I’ll give um' a cave!"
She was sipping on some Château d'Yquem 88 and munching on some Pecorino Toscano to cry for!
(. . .and "The Beat Went On")

"This is a ploy!", Jimmy the Conga cave Women exclaimed. . .
"These recitals and all, . . . feeding us on all these rich fat cheeses and expensive wines, toying with us, poetesses. . .  wanting us
to shave baldly and tell us how to act . . . she continued ranting . . . saying,
. . . "I’m mean, in one breath a, Mr. Pee Wee Ed said, that he liked hairy women, but in the next breath,  he was handing out assorted razors for door prizes and acting like it really wasn’t his idea. I don’t trust him!",
(she pointed right in his face! )

"AND . . . Jersey Devil Brother Ed, Brother Jersey Devil Ed. . . . "

(that was your great-great-great grandfather, by the way. . . )

". . . With a name like that he doesn’t need to know what a "woman" is . . . he has way too many aliases, and too flat a head for any of us to ever even want his ass!
"Hi, my name is Jimmy! Do you like congas?" she added.
(. . .and all the cave women rolled on the cave floor, laughing their hairy butts off . . . )

Then this door prize hander-outer guy, a Walt Hardester, presented their pretty Bella Rouge, the little Cavetress Supreme, a razor . . . right?
(You know what’s going to happen don’t you, Brother Devil Jersey Ed?. . . (no reply. . .)

Bella Rouge refused to accept the razor!
She was shouting . . . "If we all end up bald, they’ll succeed at making us walk to them and meet them at their stones!
Or even worse, they could drag us by our legs!"
Jimmy asks, "So, why DO cavemen drag us cave women by the hair instead of by our
legs?"

"So we won’t fill up with dirt! , Ladies! Hello?"

"I’ve been dragged by my hair all these years, and I’ll be damned if any modernized tactic of "civilization" puts one over on me!"

Jimmy the Conga cave Women got Jim going, and another Jim going, and she couldn't help it,  but,  she began to play her congas in the back ground . . .

dum dum men are dum dums
dum dum men are dum dums. . .

She shouted out! . . . "We’re up for being more civilized and all, don’t get us wrong . . .
Oh! That’s another thing, smelly men, like that, Georg the Neanderthal Elder guy, eating these same smelly cheeses, ( . . . She throws her Gouda down),
drinking this overly expensive wine . . . (she opens a bottle of Mad Dog instead),
wanting to mingle with bald women . . .
Ya know . . ."

Then Jim jumps in. . . . "I heard they were really directing a David Provost Cave Builders commercial, and that this "recital" really isn't a real recital, afterall. . .
They're just trying to get copyright privileges from all our poetic carvings, and a place to store all their stupid wine, and have an excuse for these stupid wine and cheese parties. . . they so feel,  they need,  
and, and. . . and,  at the sametime, they're luring us, . . . to disrespect us, us hairy cave women, 
getting us to eat their smelly cheeses, in order to cover up their bloody stenches!"

"But, that Neanderthal! . . ." ,Jimmy adds,
" . . . oooh!  he’s possibly the most carnivorous form of human ever to have lived, Ladies. . . he’s not really eating the cheese!"

(Edvard the Elder, was our great-great-great grandfather,  and he initiated this quest to contain a tribe of only hairless cave women in our family, but, he never succeeded. . . and neither did his son, nor his sons,  son and so on . . . it’s our turn now, Brother Jersey Devil Ed, it’s my turn . . .)

Brother Devil Jersey Ed had fallen asleep after he heard the word, "cheese"

He fell into a deep, deep, sleep, dreaming about half-naked Barbie Dolls . . . dancing to ZZ Top at some Larry Grunewald, grape stomping Harvest Festival . . .

all the while. . .Little Jimmy, the Conga cave Women,  was in the corner, eatin’ cheese. . . 

                                      
Copyright 2007
Kimmy Van Kooten
   
                                               

                                                     yum yum,dum dums

                                                                  :)