One of the worst things that can happen to a straight, single, party animal...

The sound of birds chirping through the opened window near his head roused Adam from his slumber. His head pounded like a thousand horses had just spent the entire night trampling over it. The passing cars outside seemed to intensify this effect as he rolled onto his back and moaned.

Wait a damn minute, he thought. I don’t sleep with the windows open, that’s why I have central air.

Adam pulled himself up, throwing his weight onto his forearm, and burped loudly. Confused, he looked around his bedroom.

The bedroom door stood open a full foot, which was also something that was out of place, he always had to have the door closed. Always.

Great, who did I sleep with now? I hope it’s not like last Saturday.

Adam moved himself up into a full sitting position. He glanced over the edge of his bed at the wooden floor below. His clothes were there, but they were not alone. His brow furrowing as the mysteries of the previous night continued to work at him, Adam leaned down and picked up a pair of jeans.

"These aren’t mine," he said aloud. His mind grew cloudier as he stretched out the pants. They were longer than his! Wider, too!

"What the hell is going on?"

Adam jumped as a tall, stocky man entered the room. "Good morning, sunbeam," the man yelled in a high-pitched voice, coated with a thick lisp.

"Oh my fucking God," Adam shouted as he pulled his covers up over his bare chest and stared at the man. He wore a hot pink bathrobe with black trim. His eyes gleamed unnaturally. Two hooped earrings hung from both of his earlobes, drawing attention away from his weird, frosted hairstyle. He carried a tray with two plates on it, each one stuffed with bacon, eggs, and half a piece of grapefruit.

"Who the hell are you?" Adam screamed.

The man smiled oddly, making a weird sound from the back of his throat. It was more than enough uncomfortable to make Adam’s skin crawl.

"You’re such a kidder," the man lisped again, then quickly strode over to the bedside and sat down.

Adam jumped back, bringing his knees up against his chest and locking the covers around him.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

The stranger’s face took on a deep look of hurt. "Oh, I see how it is, angel in the evening, devil in the morning." He voice broke into some sort of childish whine at the end of the sentence, and Adam’s brain instinctively shouted....OH MY GOD, YOU’VE SLEPT WITH ANOTHER MAN!

"Christ in Heaven," Adam shouted, "What the hell happened?"

"Ask my aching roids," The man whimpered.

"Oh, Jesus-God no!" Adam cried. "Look buddy, I don’t know what you think happened, but I’m not gay."

"Right, say that now," The man pouted softly, looking away from Adam. "After you got what you wanted, you, you, monster."

Adam’s cell phone rang. It was Mike.

"Hello," Adam said into the phone.

"Dude, what the hell happened last night?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? Nothing happened last night."

"Right, bro...Then what the hell were you doing talking to that UFO?

"UFO? What the hell are you talking about."

"Yeah, you know, UFO, unidentified-flaming-object."

"What?"

"You and some dude were locking lips in the bar, man!"

Adam’s free hand ran up and down his face. Suddenly, his hangover seemed a million miles away.

"Oh Christ, man. I don’t know what the hell is going on. The last thing I remember is talking to that hot chick you’ve been trying to sleep with. What the hell was her name?"

"Jennifer." Mike said from the doorway of the bedroom.

Adam closed the phone, his mind now absolutely blank.

Mike stepped in, walking up to the strange man, and placing a hundred dollar bill into his palm.

"Thanks, Teddy," Mike said with a smile, then turned toward Adam. "Adam, this is my cousin, Teddy. Sorry you guys had to meet like this, but that’s what happens when you cock-block your best friend on his birthday."

Adam’s mind spun.

"So . . . You’re not gay?"

"Oh, he’s gay alright," Mike laughed as Teddy joined in.

"Not that you’d ever have to worry about it, I don’t date assholes." Teddy grinned.

"Mike," Adam whispered as a sea of relief washed over him. "I should kill you, man."

Mike and Teddy chuckled, Adam joined them after a few seconds.

"C’mon fellas," Mike said. "Let’s go get some kegs and eggs."Type or Paste your work here...