Bonaparte's
Obsessive
Negativity
Disorder

The pathology of Bonaparte's Obsessive Negativity Disorder (BOND) may be described as follows. The person suffering from BOND will be a high- or low-level doomsday sayer, constantly predicting that chaos will undo any positive effort on your part. The BOND-sufferer will be anti-everything and will never offer any positive alternatives. It is a waste of time to debate with a BOND-afflicted person, because he knows life is awful and he will not be presuaded to the contrary. It is useless to attempt to befriend an individual who has BOND, because he prefers life as an angry loner. This disorder is named for Napoleon Bonaparte for obvious reasons; the BOND personality is small, mean, and tends to move toward disaster, while making loud noises.

For a trained psychologist, recognizing the BOND malady is very easy. Anyone afflicted with BOND will constantly make derogatory statements about everybody and everything, and will never exhibit a sense of humor, nor make a positive comment except under great duress.

No known effective treatment for BOND has yet been found. Institutionalized BOND-victims are typically placed in solitary confinement for their own protection. If paroled into the community, the BOND-afflicted are kept under heavy sedation to keep them from spoiling life for normal citizens. Lacking this medication, the BOND-person will be verbally abusive, constantly irritating, and may escalate into violence at any moment. Avoid such persons. It is rumored that BOND may be virulent and highly contageous.

I regret to say that appropriate diagnostics for Bonaparte's Obsessive Negativity Disorder (BOND) have never yet been added to the arsenal of psychotherapists -- who are still making excuses for those who are just plain evil in their obsessive negativity.