Dear Journal~

Terri Ben Ami here.  Thought I'd write in here.

Not having a very easy time of it lately.  Still missing Nashi Danielle so much!  She would have been ten years old in less than two months, and she loved the holidays:  Hallowe'en.  Thanksgiving.  Christmas. 

It seems hard to believe that one year ago, she was celebrating Hallowe'en with us at a local church festival we'd gone to.  She had such a marvelous time amongst the people; the people loved her, said she was absolutely adorable (which she was!).

Nashi now lies in a grave at the cementary (rather, her body is); she's actually in Heaven, with Jesus, laughing, talking, even walking, running, eating, things she'd been denied here on earth for the past nine years of her life.  Only nine years.  That's how long she lived; that's not very long, considering I hear of people living into their 100's!

Wallace and Hyman still talk about their sister, as though she were still a part of the family.  As for Mordechai and Alyssa, they are learning just how special she really is; I am sure once they hear more about her, they will begin to ask questions, some of which will be very hard to answer.

Questions like why she was born the way she was.  Why she couldn't walk, see, talk, run, even eat.  Why she had to use a wheelchair.  Why she had to go to the doctor's so much or to the hospital when she got sick, or if she did get sick, if she was going to die.

My two sons, Wallace and Hyman had their share of questions regarding Nashi; I am sure Mordechai and Alyssa will, too.  It comes with the territory; however, it still breaks my heart:  there are days where I can't talk about her without breaking down.

Like today.  I ran across some pictures of her from a few Hallowe'ens ago, where she was dressed up as a princess.  She looked so pretty in her pink-and-blue princess dress, tiara parked on her head, a big, goofy smile on her face!  I looked at the pictures; now it seems I can't stop crying!  I miss Nashi more now than ever!!

Hallowe'en is not going to be the same since Nashi left us; neither are Thanksgiving or Christmas.  This will be the first Hallowe'en/Thanksgiving/Christmas/Chaunukkah without Nashi, and it's tearing Tovah's and my world apart!!

Well, I am going to see what Mordechai wants:  he's screaming at the top of his lungs; have to see if he's okay.  I know he recently had surgery to repair his cleft palate; I hope he isn't in a lot of pain!  I will write soon, another day; until then, this is Terri signing off!  Say a prayer for our family; we are all having a hard time, especially since Nashi passed away back in March, and since Tovah lost his job!  I would greatly appreciate it!

Thanks in advance!

~Love, your friend in Cali, Terri Ruth.  :(  *tears!*