"Great." said Doc, and got his magik box of herbs. He needed his trousers for his big date with the lady dwarf in Kingdom Down and they certainly weren't going to mend themselves. He opened the box and went, "Huh?" *

                                                                         ~*~

Cinderella almost clobbered little mouse with brushy broom as she spun round at the thundery sound, "O, my, what was that?" Little mouse shivered, curly tail extending, curling, extending as the motes of dust in sunlight through the window shivered and went all crinkly and spat out fairy godmother who was, who was . . . . "O, my!" gasped Cinderella, "What has befallen you?" Fairy godmother grinned, mouth shiny with diamond studded grillz. 

                                                                          ~*~

Rapunzel stepped back from her balcony, braids in tow as the horizon beyond the forest shivered all kinds of funky colors and sudden sounds exploded from her room of many accutrements beyond the balcony.

"Hey!" said the chivalrious knight below, big blue eyes wide as saucers and ducked behind his horse.

Rapunzel stared at the new painting on her wall that had most certainly not been there a blink before. A moving painting. Terrified and thrilled, she gathered up her frilly gown of cream silk and approached the moving painting uncertainly.

"Uh, huh, damn, straight it's number one!" said the strange human in the painting. "Gasolina! Here coming at ya, get ready to shake your a**, b******!"

Rapunzel's big honeybrown eyes opened very wide at what transpired next. Her little footsies started tapping, her shoulders shimmied, and her hips did circles through the air.

"Um, Rapunzel?" asked the knight below, "Rapunzel?"

                                                                             ~*~

Sleeping beauty sat straight up in bed, screaming. Gasp, gasp, gasp. Her ears thrummed and hummed and wiggled. Eventually she stopped screaming and looked around.

"Gee," she said to no one since everyone was still under a hundred year enchantment of deep sleep throughout the castle and stuff, "Where is that strange sound coming from?"

                                                                    ~*~

"My, o, my what big ears you have." Little Red Riding Hood said to grandmam laid up deep under the covers.

"Better to hear you with my . . . ."

POP!!!!

"Ow." said Little Red as the house shook and air currents went all fuzzy through the log cabin.

"What the hell was that?" asked wolf as he sat up quick knocking his nightcap to the ground.

"Hey, this is a fairy tale, and you aren't supposed to curse." said the woodsman as he stuck his head through the window.

"It's not your turn in the story yet." grandmam's muted voice came through the wolf's belly.

"What the hidey ho is going on here?" asked Little Red.

"Everything feels weird." said the wolf.

Little Red looked at the wolf in her grandmam's nightie and decided not to have an opinion until they figured out what in fairy tales was going on. 

                                                                       ~*~

"Hey." said Dopey, "What's all that?" as he peered over Doc's shoulder at the illuminated container.

"Dunno." said Doc, turning little vials and packets and pills over in his meaty palm. "None of this was in here before. What happened to my herbs?"

"Something odd is going on." Grumpy grumbled.

"Well I gotta give her something." Doc said. "I need my trousers for this evening."

"Hmmph." went Grumpy.

"Try the pretty purple one." said Dopey.

"I say go for the powdery stuff." Sleepy yawned.

"Back up." said Doc, shoving elbow at his audience, and picked up a vial of snowy powdery stuff. He popped the cap off.

"Achoo!" went Sneezy, and all the fine powder went woosh under Snow White's slender little nostrils.

 "Idiot." Grumpy plinked Sneezy on the side of the head.

"Now why you always doin that?" Sneezy pouted.

"Shut up. Something's happening." Doc gazed at Snow White's nostril's flaring.

Cough, cough, went Snow White and opened her pretty blue eyes which suddenly looked kind of black with pupils really dilated and stuff.

"Wha . . . ." said Snow White as she frowned at seven rosey faces hovering above her.

"How you feel?" asked Dopey. "Like I've had just about enough of every single one of you little f******." she smiled unkindly.

                                                                  ~*~

"Girl, you better put down that broom." Fairy godmother humphed as she waved long hands perfectly manicured and laden with one inch tips encrusted with diamonds at the broom in Cinderella's hand.

The broom turned to ash. Little mouse squeled, Cinderella gaped.

"Girl, I have been to the world!" Fairy godmother tossed her cornrows over her shoulder, diamond beads glittering and singing, "And honey, let me tell you, things ain't never gonna be the same 'round here! Abra f****** dabra, girl!" she laughed deep and throaty and swiveled her hips and rolled her neck and made lots of magik. 

                                                                ~*~

"Gasolina!"

Rapunzel shook her rounded buttocks to the music blasting out of the moving painting thingy on the wall.

"Aha! Yeah. Oye mi canto!"

She snaked her long and curvy body like the firlies in the painting, long gown across the floor, discarded with the quaint little shoes, she shook her fatty in her little panties, jiggled her big boobies barely contained by the lacey little bra. She laughed, giggled, eyes big and glazed from watching twelve hours of latino MTV.

"Rapunzel!" the knight's voice echoed up from below, forlorn, and really getting annoying now.

Rapunzel turned on her heel and went out on the balcony. She leaned over and smirked.

"Look b******, it ain't gonna happen okay?"she rolled her head and put out her palm. "So get back on your pony and vamoos. What, choo think a girl like me want a vanilla cowboy? Uh, uh, I don't need no man. Hmmm." and she turned on her heel, singing, "Borequa, Morena, Dominicano, y Mexicano . . . ."

The knight gaped, images of giant boobs burned into his cornea. 

                                                                            ~*~

 Sleeping beauty lifted her gown and made her delicate way down the tower steps toward a strange thrum thrum sound from below and words echoing forth from a male, words she never had heard before.

"What the f****, man. I don't get it, is all you b****** dead or some sh***?"

She peeked around the corner at the bottom of the steps and lo and behold in the throne room of sleeping people stood a very tall and oddly clothed man with a shiny box at his side which emitted something like music but with words.

"Man, how da f*** I get here?" asked the man of noone.

"People say that I'm a bad influence, I say the world's already f*****, I'm just adding to it." said the shiny box.

"Um, pardon me, sir." Cinderella cleared her throat as she stepped pink shoes into the throne room.

The man spun to face her and made an unpleasant face. "Girl, what the hell you wearin?"

"Excuse me?"

"Excuse you is right. Hm." said the man. "That whole get up ain't working."

"Um." Cinderella frowned trying to decipher what manner of language the man was speaking.

"Girl, what the hell happened to all these people, what, you all had some kind of costume drug partee blowout? And what da h*** happened to my club? How the f*** did I get here."

Cinderella decided she needed wine.

"Doin it and doin it and doin it now . . . ." said the shiny box.

A lot of wine.

                                                                    ~*~

"Since the story has been shot to poo, would you please take that ridiculous looking outfit off and regurgitate grandmam?" Little Red rolled her eyes suddenly feeling quite sassy.

"You are being disrespectful." frowned the woodsman.

"You slice him in half everytime, and I'm being disrespectful?" Little Red pursed pretty red lips.

"Hmmm, things are f*****." the wolf said as he tore the gown in half and hopped out from underneath the covers.

He started heaving theatrically.

"Could you do that outside?" Little Red made disgusted faces and still managed to look cute as a button.

"No." said the wolf and threw grandmam up on the bed.

"Eyuuuu." said all three.

"I need a bath." said grandmam. "You're done eating me for the time being, right, Wolf?" she frowned.

 "Lady, I'm pretty much done with eating you, period. You taste like mothballs."

"What has happened while I lay inside your rancid intestinal tract?" grandmam jumped off the bed, jiggling every ounce of her two hundred rubinesque pounds.

"Could you put on some clothes first?" the three other characters begged in unison, averting burning eyes.

"Everyone's always intimidated by a healthy woman, hmf." said grandmam and jiggled off.

Wolf heaved.

"Cut that out." said the woodsman.

Little Red pondered and felt quite cheeky.

Book out in February of 2008 =D

 copyright:2008VictoriaSeleen Skye Deme