A friend was telling me that she is the oldest of five and always felt as if she is the outsider.  Another friend shared that he has three children, and each is as different as night and day; "and one just turned out bad."   Another explained that of his five kids, one is a lawyer, another is a Realtor, two are teachers, and one is in prison.   As I spoke with various people about this subject, the bottom line remained the same.  It doesn't matter your socio-economic environment, nor how caring or uncaring a parent you are; the results will never be the same with each of your children. 

For example; one lady told of having three children; each with her own room, each with the same rules, chores divided equally, and each daughter turned out completely different.  The oldest was bossy, an over-achiever in everything; protective of everyone, responsible, and followed the rules...her younger sisters almost despised her.  The second or middle daughter was shy, rarely spoke, was not popular in school, did not participate in family or social events unless prodded; with a low self esteem.  The youngest daughter was very popular, rarely followed rules, was self-absorbed, and everything seemed to fall into her lap! 

As the woman went on to explain, "Each girl had her own room and bath; had the exact same allowance, was given the same wardrobe choices, and had to share household chores."  The oldest left home immediately upon highschool graduation, got a job and climbed the ladder of success, married, and raised her family; while the middle child lingered at home, attended local college with no particular path in mind, dated almost never, and clung to her parents through her life; while the youngest went onto college, married a pre-med student, the son of a wealthy doctor, and continued to have the best life could offer.  None of the siblings are friends, and rarely do they speak or shop together or do anything that one would expect as sisters.

The mother was disappointed in how life had turned out for her children, and said, "My husband and I worked our entire lives giving our girls the best life possible.  We loved them and let them know it; went to church, took family vacations, allowed each to follow her own drummer; yet they have nothing in common except their genetic blood line.  As we have grown older, our oldest child lives several states away, rarely calls us, and has "painful" memories of her life at home.  Our middle child is almost attached at our hips, and although we've attempted to help her to go off on her own, to pursue a career, date, and have her own life...she prefers to stay "home" with us.  She is a bitter girl, and has made herself a martyr to the world, and to us.  Our youngest child leads an exceptionally busy social life, has nannies for her children, travels extensively, and has little to no time for us or her own kids.  She is now on her third wealthy husband. 

What I found most interesting during my interviews with parents and adult children is that within each family circle, no two versions of life at home was the same.  As an outsider, I was amazed at the portraits painted by each sibling of his or her homelife, parents, and other siblings. One would guess that none of the children came from the same household, had the same parents, or went to the same schools, attended the same church services, or went on the same family trips. 

Another family I interviewed had four children, and one voiced serious child abuse issues; while the younger three were adamant that she was a "liar" and "drama queen."  The parents were attractive, articulate and appeared to be very loving and protective of all their children, now grown.  They also gave the explanation to charges of child abuse as "a slight misunderstanding."  

How do we know when one is telling the truth?  How do we determine which person within a family is portraying his/her life in an honest manner?  We simply cannot assume anything, can we?  During the interviews, the child who claimed abuse was very convincing, and exact in her descriptions of events, and how it was hidden within the entire family, even outside the immediate circle.  The other siblings were so angry at this one sibling who had accused the parents, and they were quick to defend their parents and denegrate their sibling. 

Is it possible that each is telling the truth?  Is it possible that although the family projects itself in a positive and happy manner; that abuse does go on, sometimes undetected, even by the same immediate family?  There were so many versions to each translation given to me during the interviews, that I would research and study each one individually.   My conclusion is that this is something that has occurred over history; and will continue to be the way life continues within families.  With travel and job opportunities being so different over the past decades, families are not close in distance for the most part; therefore, the visits and interactions become less frequent.  Friends and new acquaintenances become more important, as the family takes a back seat to "living in today's world."

To say that I found answers, and that I am hereby passing along some long sought after miraculous resolution for you the reader, would be inaccurate.  I found no answers, and no angel reached down to speak to me and give me profound words to pass along to you.  Why did I write this piece?  Originally, because I was searching for answers, and as time progressed; it became more important to pass along the results of the interviews.  Results: Nothing much has changed.  Your life is just as you lived it; just as you believe it, and if no one will validate you or your version, you have nothing to be concerned about.  You are your own validation.  You know what is truth, and no one can put words into your mouth for you.  Strive to go forward, do not continue dwelling on the past.  It can be done; by living as productively and positively as possible, in spite of the negatives that were a part of your life.

You are in control of yourself.  You have the power to believe in you, to reach for the stars and attain your dreams.  Focus on today, and realize that you cannot please everyone, nor will others always believe or encourage; however....you do have joy within and you know who you are better than anyone.  Choose to be the best possible;  Whether you are a stay at home mom, teacher, nurse, dad, student, a grandparent, housekeeper, laborer, or President of a company or country.   

For those who have had good and positive lives; realize how blessed and fortunate you are; and continue to share your joy and happiness with others; as you encourage and uplift along the way.  There is not one person among us who is perfect....we'd like to believe we are; however, in reality, we have flaws, imperfections.  It is essential not to empower others by allowing anyone to judge or rob you of your self esteem. 

You are valuable, and if you expect others to appreciate your worth, you must believe in you first!  The power to control your own path, to succeed, to be happy, to prosper....is all within your reach....so, please attach those beautiful wings onto your shoulders, and fly.... the future is yours!