by:  Linda Law

Inevitably we are always trying to look forward or look behind, and while doing that, we forget to see the present!  Seems as if we are never satisfied with today and what we have or how good life is.  Perhaps we are right to feel that way, because obviously, life could be better...richer, fuller, more satisfying for most of us.  How often have you heard "I'm trying to find myself"?  When did we lose ourselves in the first place?  How do we know if we are lost or found?

Seems that as you watch television, talk shows for example; there is always someone sharing their sad or miraculous story.  We laugh, we cry, we have compassion, are critical, understanding, and often...we simply don't even care!  Perhaps you've already been through it and come out a winner.  If you are not so lucky, perhaps you were a loser and cannot understand why that person had a happy ending and you did not!  Too often we are not interested in hearing the tragic stories of others, since we have already heard it all...and have had enough.

How often have you had a difficult situation in life, when you felt that you could not overcome?  During this time of sadness, concern and despair, you may have felt like giving up altogether?   Maybe it doesn't matter if people, friends,  loved ones offer support or encouragement in your time of need because you simply don't want to hear it!  At least not then!  Why don't you want to hear what they say? 

Perhaps you don't want to hear what others say, because you believe that they don't understand you, can't possibly understand how you feel, and that they are not being sincere!  No one else suffers or has hardships like you do.  You believe that inside, don't you?  Just as quickly as the hardship enters your life, you manage to float to the top just moments before drowning....and then the sun begins to shine brighter, the sky is bluer, the seas are calm, and all is right with the world...once again!  How could they understand that you can handle yourself....and don't need or want their suggestions?

After each loss, you end up being stronger and more secure, and what once was a thin layer of skin has now become more tough, more durable, more resilient, more immune.  Each time a hardship or difficult time arises you are surprised...uncertain as to how you will get through yet another mountain!  You manage to survive, and each up and down is what some describe as peaks and valleys.  Learning to go with the waves, to hang tough, to not let go........

We have read books, articles, been witness to documentaries and programs that attempt to teach us how to go with the flow, to be positive, to fill your life and heart with words of joy instead of sadness.  No matter how much you try to live this wonderful way filled with positive actions, something always seems to come along to put a pin prick in the beautiful balloon....letting out all that happy air!!  Deflation sets in and the lovely balloon can not fly, cannot float up high, it can only sink and cling to the ground wherever it falls.  That is how you see yourself, and no matter how much you are filled with air again, that wonderful fresh air that will take you to your glorious place in the universe... instead.... only death and despair fill your lungs...and thus..there is nothing left!

For every sad story in someone's life, another has an even sadder one to tell.  Sadness cannot be measured by size or quantity, because like everything else...it is measured by the beholder!  Life isn't fair! Why do some have so much good happen in their lives, while only bad things happen in yours?  Some are simply better prepared to handle hardship while others are not.  Why can't God give this difficult burden to another of his followers, instead of piling another one on me?  You think, "God knows I'm pretty good at handling and carrying tough loads, so why bother giving them to someone else less experienced than I?"  Of course, you are feeling sorry for yourself, placing blame on others, especially God;  but it's time to find a way out of your misery, shed a sigh of relief, and enjoy the glory of the win.

Take the person who has so much money that he cannot spend it all, and compare it to the one who seems to be needing all the time.  What is fair about that scenario?  Why has one been chosen to live the fuller and more prosperous life over the other? The person who has it generally doesn't nderstand the feeling of emptiness, or the needing, because he is so busy working making more that he doesn't spend his wealth and it continues to build.  The other who is struggling to make ends meet, personally understands that feeling of not having enough, so he shares what he has, thereby leaving less for himself.  His reward will come later he justifies to himself, afterall, he was taught that as a child....but....when will the reward come?  He may wait his entire life and still have to believe that his reward will indeed come later, but not in this world!  

There are always those who believe that life is good, no matter how bad or hard things happen to fall.  There is always a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow; there is always a happy ending; sick people will receive their miracle cure in time to live a healthy life, and bad marriages end up becoming happier and stronger so that the Prince and the Princess may live happily ever after!  Dreams always come true , children are never abused, hunger is erased, and everyone can reach the American dream if they choose to follow it.  Politicians really care about their constituents, tax dollars are always spent wisely, everyone has medical care, no one will lose their home or have to live in cars or in cardboard boxes instead of bridges and park benches.  WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE CRAZY? 

Dealing with loss is more easily said than done.  Everyone of us has had to lose someone we love, or will in this lifetime.  There is no getting around the fact that you are human beings, you feel...hurt...and react the same, even though often in different ways.  Many never accept their loss, never come to grips with the fact that they must continue to live life to the fullest, without the person whom they treasured.  Death is difficult for those who are left behind, and the pain and adjustment comes in varying degrees.  Missing, being sorrowful at never seeing them again, or unable to speak to them, share with, or touch them again is sad and extremely hard to accept. 

Some die of natural causes, others suffer long illness and pain over time.  There are those who are lost unexpectedly....a drowning, a horrible murder, heart attack, a car or other accident, terrorist attack, countless ways that were not expected.  NO matter the method of the loss, the recovering is always painful, often slow and for others not forthcoming.  Many never receive closure, no matter how much they try.  Time does begin to heal, faces begin to fade, memories will remain, but not as clearly as they were once held.  Guilt and shame embraces, sometimes for reasons not understood, or perhaps because you refuse to understand.

The Book of Life did not come with easy to follow instructions.  It is up to each of us to decide when and how we will face each day.  When you have a belief system, God, Jesus, a Higher Power, it allows you the opportunity to choose a better way of embracing your own life and the choices you make.  

At the end of the day, we are the master of our own life.  Ulitmately, you decide to be happy, to be sad, to be negative or positive!  You can give the power and control to others who do not have your best interest in mind; or you can take control of your own life, and live an abundant and fruitful journey.   There are no guarantees that life will be a complete bowl of delicious cherries...because... there are always pitts among the fruit!  Learn to enjoy the fragrance of life, the touch and feel of the wonderful things and people in your own surroundings, and if you get a pit or a few....don't swallow them...spit them out...!  Rinse your mouth  and take a drink from the fountain of love and goodness that is your natural right!  

Whatever you do...remember it is your choice!  Live it in peace and harmony, or live it all tangled up and miserable...  but why choose that when you deserve so much better?  See yourself only in the light, never the shadows.....and...never stop hanging on....never stop reaching.....and never stop believing in YOU!

Linda Law