by:  Linda Law

He was the father of four, Papa to eight.  He was the love of my life for over three decades, and He is gone.  He was a gift from the Almighty, and gifts are to be valued, treasured, and held inside our hearts forever.  On the otherhand, gifts will wear out, break, fade, and sometimes die.  They will go to that other place, that beautiful, wonderful place....and that is what makes the one left behind continue believing and dreaming.

Yesterday he came to visit.  The day began like many others, with me so busy I couldn't tell you if I was coming or going.  The errands were almost over, with one left...and then homeward bound.  I stopped at a red light, and felt something to my right, in my peripheral vision.  I turned as I sat waiting for the light to change, and there sat my love.  His dimples were deep and the smile on his face was so sweet as he looked me in the eye.  Naturally, I knew I wasn't crazy, but I also wasn't sure if just maybe I am going a tad bonkers....so... I tried to touch him.  Nothing!  He was there, pretty as a picture; I could see him handsome as ever, strong and in great shape; but...when I touched...I touched air.  Okay, I'll pretend I didn't see him.  I crossed the street when it turned green, and then I looked over to the right again, and he was still there.  I decided to just jabber as fast as I could.  I told him how much I miss him, how his loss has affected all of us, and how I miss his laughter, his sense of humor, his touch, and his ability to make me stronger.  Winded, I waited for some type of response, but there was none. 

Parking in the lot was strange, because I kept talking, but I could no longer see him.  I went inside the grocery store, bought the items on my list, and hurried back to the car.  He still wasn't there.  A sadness began to overwhelm me, and I wondered "Why?"    I was fine before he came to visit...and I am certain he did visit....but simply couldn't understand why he didn't say anything or give me some type of sign to confirm his presence.   It was time to get back into traffic, and suddenly the radio began to blare loudly....."I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN HAS GONE"..... and the song gave me chills.  This was one of his favorite songs when he was alive, and he just loved listening to it.  In fact while he was in the hospital a friend gave him one of those silly plastic potted plants that when you pushed a button the flower would dance and the song would sing......  It was cute when he was alive, but when he died....I threw the plastic potted plant into the trash, and said, "I never want to hear that darn song again!"

The kids knew about the song, and they adopted my attitude as well, always turning the channel or the station if the song came on.  Today, as I began this return trip home, the song was blaring loudly, and I thought "I don't even listen to the radio, I always play my own CD's", so I pushed the power button turning it off!  As I drove, I continued to think about why the radio had come on, and suddenly, the same song, 'I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW"  continued to play.  The radio power was OFF... so.... I had no choice but to listen to the song.  The tears began to fall not in small drops, but in a flood of tears, like a waterfall...makeup smearing, and my hands wiping each eye, hoping that my husband would not ask me why I had been crying.  I couldn't explain this "visit" without hurting his feelings, so I planned to keep it a secret.  This time, however, I listened to the words, and they began to bring me back to reality.....I need to see more clearly....the skies are blue, and there is such hope in everything.... It's up to me, so why must I waste it with tears and pain and wishing for something that is not realistic.  He is gone.  He is not coming back.  I have a new life, and it is good, and I must value and treasure what the Almighty has given me once again. 

No...it isn't perfect; but life is not perfect is it?  How we choose to live is our responsibility...and we must decide which way to steer the wheel.  When I reached home, I had wiped the face dry, and pretended that all was normal.  Later in the evening, wanting to share this with someone who loves me, I wrote my daughter and told her the entire thing.  I know she doesn't read her emails daily, so didn't expect a quick response.  I didn't get one either.

On Monday, I went to work, and noticed that the date was October 5th.  What was it about that date that was screaming at me?  I felt sad and couldn't pin-point why.  Later on Monday, I read my emails, and my daughter had responded.  She said, "Mom, Bran (my grandson) and I were in the car today running errands, and that song came on, "I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW" and I was going to turn it off, but we looked at each other and began to laugh at the same time.  We knew.  Dad was telling us that he loves us and he was reminding us that it was yours and his anniversary!!  Later mom, I got home and read your email, and called Bran, and we both knew that we were right.  Dad had truly visited you, and he decided to make the rounds, taking advantage of the special day as a reminder to all of us that he is still looking over all of us."

I had an email from my grandson Bran as well.  He confirmed their own visit, and was so happy that he and his mom had enjoyed it together! 

Am I over reacting?  Of course not!  I am blessed, and I am loved, and most of all,  " I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW...THE RAIN IS GONE...."

Believe.

Lindalaw