I did not open my Geometry book all weekend. My reminder notes from my teacher were placed in between my notebook. "Please review pages 18-20 for the exam on Monday."  Each time I had reached for my Geometry notebook, all I could do was stare at the bumper stickers and slogans on the cover of the Geometry book. I am sure you remember the popular bumper stickers or slogans that we may have put on our notebooks back in the 1970's.  "The Who" rules, and "The Doors" were permanently glued to my notebook back then. Of course, there was a heart with the Italian flag saying, "Italian Stallion." Although I was a good student, I barely passed Geometry. At a young age, I knew that I would not be a math teacher, engineer, or have a job that had anything to do with numbers (except for sales of course). Sometimes I had wondered why I even had to take Geometry class. I knew that I needed at least a "D" to pass. All of my other grades were A's and B's, but Geometry, well that was another story. Sometimes I would daydream whenever I wanted to avoid anything difficult or challenging. That rainy day, I decided to reach over for that long, tube-shaped object that was on my desk called a kaleidescope. I held the tube shaped object up to my left eye, and peeked through the hole on top of the tube as though I was looking through a telescope while at sea! There was an array of colors, orange, red, blue, and green. Twirl to the left, and there it was, a beautiful snow-flake design. Twirl it a little more and I saw a gorgeous pattern of a star. All of the patterns twirled before my eyes as I noticed each little bead and fragment of color form a beautiful design. I think this was all I knew about Geometry. There were so many geometric designs in the kaleidescope. I had spent at least an hour just twirling that kaleidescope. Sometimes, I was not sure which design I was staring at. All  that I knew was that it was beautiful. I never really understood how a kaleidescope was made, or who invented it. All I knew is that it was something that was pleasing to my eye, and helped me to escape reality for a while.  I think the kaleidescope was my favorite toy as a kid, next to the toy that creeped down my steps, which was a "Slinky." Well, actually, the kaleidescope was a close tie to the game "Spirograph."

I guess I had realized back then that there are some things that will remain a  mystery. I may not have always known why or how the kaleidescope was made, but all I needed to know was how good it felt to escape reality by playing with this toy. It was challenging to make sense of the twirling beads in front of my eye. Which pattern would form next? Which vibrant colors will float around my kaleidescope?

As I think of the different phases of my life, I realize that my life was similar to a kaleidescope. It certainly was an array of vibrant, beautiful color. However, there were times that I did not know or understand the pattern of my life, or what all of the colors and formations of my life were all about. If my life is compared to a kaleidescope, here is what I would see:

There would be a lot of red, white and green beads and fragments, to reflect my appreciation and pride in being Italian.  Then, in the center, there would be red, white and blue beads, for being an American. If I twirled the kaleidescope of my life again, I would see the white rose coursage from my prom, with the light blue ribbon to match the white and blue prom gown that my mama had made for me. It seems like centuries ago that my mama had designed my prom dress, and feeling that wrist coursage being slid up my hand. If I twirled even more, I would see my high school graduation cap, and the diploma that I was so proud of. In spite of my weakness in Geometry, I was able to pass and graduate. Twirling the kaleidescope of my life even further, I would see all of the envelopes and graduation gifts, as the Italians came to my graduation party with "la busta" (pronounced, la bushta). This was our way of saying a card with a monetary gift. Of course, my kaleidescope would be twirled again, and I would see my friends swimming with me at the lake near my house. Ah, yes, I would see the colors of the local police man who always reminded us to stop making so much noise after 9pm. The town had a 9pm curfew for swimmers, but I always broke that rule. There would be splashes of water droplets, and alot of yellow for the sunshine. It was a carefree summer. The kaleidescope showed me some black and red fragments, for the heartbreak and loss in my life, such as the death of my father, grandparents, and uncles. The red signified how my heart broke into two pieces with the loss of these family members. Ahh, those jokes that my uncles used to tell me are engraved in brain. My uncles, grandparents, and my papa were kind and passionate. It also represented how crushed I was when my first love broke up with me and the men who later had left or betrayed me. Fragments of blue and red twirled around as a flashback to JFK airport and Fumicino swirled in my brain. I knew the gates from the Delta and Alitalia Airlines terminal very well.  Ah, yes, traveling... I am surprised that I am not a member of the board of directors at Delta as I had flown back and forth so many times. There was the color of the "arrivi" and "partenza" sign at Fumicino airport, and the "Binario" or track number at the train station in Rome and Cassino. The pink in my kaleidescope represented all of my friends, and the happy hours that we went to, the color of the sunset that we all watched as we barbecued from my summer cottage in Misquamicut, Rhode Island that year. I packed about 20 friends in that cottage. The more the merrier!  . The white or silvery fragments in my kaleidescope represent the ski house in Vermont. It was a tradition that every year, I would rent a house in Vermont and would hang out with my friends. The colors would twirl again to form larger shapes, as my circle of friends had increased. At the end of February, it was 3 or 4 days of spending time with my friends, on the snow mobile, (I was a horrible skier, so I stick to the snow mobile. Teaching me to ski is hopeless) cooking a meal for 25 or 30 people, and going to a place called the Pickle Barrel, or Characters to hear the bands. The kaleidescope does not stop there. Red, peach, orange, yellow, green were the colors of the bridesmaids dresses that I had worn in so many weddings! I still have all of those bridesmaid dresses. Royal blue with bows, fuschia gowns, pink gowns made of satin....the list is endless. How much joy I had going to my friends' and relatives weddings. Sure, I will never wear these dresses again, but I was part of their celebration. How many times we all tried to catch the bouquet, or were forced to dance with our partner that, well, maybe we weren't so crazy about.  My college colors were white and red and I remember how proud my family felt at my college graduation. I can still hear my brother yelling at me saying, "you have to read the examples and the definitions before I can help you with your accounting homework." My brother is an accountant, so he had to help me get through that class. I wanted help, but never liked to read the examples or the directions. It was the colors of trips to Little Italy, New York and Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. There would be lots of red, brown, and green to reflect the food that I ate there, and the awnings of the restaurants. The kaleidescope would form light blue and dark blue, which was the color of the scarf that a man had given me once. It was his scarf and  he wrapped it around my neck, as it protected me from the cold at the train station. He had tied the scarf around my neck with much care. The blue is the summer sky which I enjoyed so much at my family gatherings. The kaleidescope formed tear shapes, to reflect the goodbyes that I did not want to say to some of my past loves and relationships. It symbolized the confusion as I had made a couple of career transitions. As it swirled, I saw more yellow fragments, which signified the sunshine during my trips to Bermuda, Aruba, St. Thomas, St. John and ahh, yes, San Francisco. I had fallen in love with the carribean, but even more so with San Francisco. The kaleidscope beads formed the pattern of waves, which meant the beautiful beaches of San Francisco. I had almost transferred there about 10 years ago for a job opportunity, but then I cancelled the night before my scheduled interview. I was not ready to leave New England. My boss was a little disappointed, as she had helped me to get the interview within the company, but I simply explained, the timing was wrong. The kaleidescope formed the shape of a cross, for my spirituality and prayers to God that I would have a better opportunity, or to pray for the health and success of my family and friends. Also, It symbolized nonna's house and her faith in God.  The kaleidescope formed a shape similar to what I think is a "6", to reflect the six children in my family (including me)and all that they had done for me.  I was blessed with a brother who helped me with my business and accounting classes in college. I would not have passed if it were not for him. I was lucky to have four sisters  who took me shopping, let me hang out with them when I was growing up, for the cookies and goodies that some of my sisters baked for me, and for the way they cared about me since I am the "baby" of the family. Each of their strengths, goodness, and talents set a good example for me as I was growing up. The heart shape in the kaleidescope is for the times that my friends and family had loved me, no matter what. I have the kind of friends that I can hang out with in my old sweat pants, and not have to worry about make up. They are the kind of friends that would come to get me in the middle of the night if I had locked my keys in the car.  I remember going to Toad's Place in New Haven back then. It must have been below zero degrees. After a night at Pepe's Pizza and Toads, I realized that I had locked my keys in the car. A good friend, Matt, that had lived in Milford, CT at the time, came to the rescue. There we were, three women stranded and my buddy Matt, to the rescue. He was like my adopted brother. My life truly was, and still is a kaleidescope. The only difference is that now, when I twirl, I am not exactly sure which design I will see next. It is summer, so I know that the colors of summer will bring more memories and goodness to my heart. Sometimes things might be dark or confusing, but I know that my kaleidescope will keep bringing me the beautiful colors of my experiences, wether it be love, heartbreak, confusion, smiles, or laughter.  Everyone's kaleidescope is different and means different things to each of us. We just have to find the beauty and positive side of each experience. Being an Italian-American, I am fortunate to have experienced both worlds in my kaleidescope.