However, this story begins when he was a young man.  He wanted to buy a new rake and gardening tools.  Although Italians did not come to America with a lot of money in their pocket, they always found a way to make a living.  Guido was passionate about being a landscaper and he worked very hard. He raked, trimmed bushes, or anything that needed to be done.  Guido's calloused hands were gentle as he planted lilac bushes.  He left his mark by leaving trails of beautiful yards and gardens in North Haven, CT.  I met his beautiful daughter, Pauline Massini recently.  I sensed Pauline's deep love that she felt for her father as she told me her bittersweet memories. 
 
 
One day, Guido rubbed his lower back and decided that he wanted a break from the world of landscaping and decided to open a restaurant called "Massini's" in Antwerp, NY. Pauline said, "my father bought a restaurant around 1939 or the early 1940's."  One afternoon, Guido was whistling in the kitchen while he made sausage and homemade gnocchi.  Guido stirred the marinara sauce and scooped the freshly made gnocchi from the large, wooden board into the boiling water.  The trees were turning light yellow and red as the autumn winds blew.  All of a sudden, Guido bumped his head on the window and said, "Che bella donna!" which means, "What a beautiful woman!".  One of the restaurant workers put down his mop and walked to the window.  "Ahh, veramente!" he said, which means, "Yes, it's the truth!".
 
The "bella donna" was wearing a dainty, handknit, black shawl with a cameo pin.  Her beautiful, light brown hair was pulled back into a bun while her blue eyes sparkled.  The woman walked with her young daughter and stopped to admire a stone bird bath and the colors of the foliage.  The woman and her young daughter walked past Massini's every day as Guido cut the vegetables for the minestrone soup and prepared the ingredients for the supper crowd. 
 
Guido admired her from a distance, until one day, one of the kitchen workers said, "What are you waiting for? go and talk to her!"  The people in town had already passed the word that the woman was not married, so Guido's coworkers convinced him to talk to her.  The worker took the wooden spoon out of Guido's hand and said, "Stop standing around like a boccola fish and go after her!"  Guido untied his apron, ran his fingers through his hair, and went outside to talk to her.   Meanwhile, his coworkers said to each other, "I am surprised he has not pulled the muscles in his neck! He has looked out of that window every day for the past couple of weeks!"
 
The woman seemed timid as Guido approached her while she stood next to her young daughter.  "Hello, my name is Guido," he said.  "Hello, my name is Annabelle," the woman said as she blushed, "and this is my daughter, Marjorie", she added.   "Mom, can we finish our walk now?," her daughter said, as she tugged at her mothers dress.  "I own this restaurant," Guido said.  "Do you want to see it? Maybe your daughter would like to have a biscotti..."  Her daughter said, "Mom, what's a biscotti?"  Annabelle laughed and said, "Biscotti are Italian cookies."
 
Guido courted Annabelle. Sometimes people in town would stare at them and would say, "What a beautiful couple!"  However, some people loved to gossip, especially since Annabelle was divorced.  Guido's heart overflowed with joy each day that he spent with Annabelle and her Marjorie.  Pauline said that her father married Annabelle around 1943.
One of the bittersweet memories that Pauline shared is that she never even knew that she had a half sister named Marjorie. Also, she never knew that her real mother was Annabelle! It was a secret for many years, but wait and  see how the story unfolds.
 
Eventually, her father sold the restaurant in Antwerp, NY and moved back to New Haven, CT where Pauline Massini was born in 1945. Sometimes Guido took a summer job in Antwerp picking apples in the apple orchards in Antwerp, NY. Although they had moved back to New Haven, CT, Guido and his wife continued to visit her relatives in Antwerp during the summer.  One day, Guido climed on the ladder and filled his basket with juicy apples. The sweat left a trail on his light blue t-shirt.  He drank lemonade and wiped the sweat from his forehead.  Pauline said, "I was very young, so I don't remember much about the apple orchard."  She did not know the story about her mother, Anabelle, until many years later.

 

Guido waved at his wife, and two daughters.  "Enjoy your walk, but don't be late. I am making gnocchi for everyone tonight," Guido said.  Anabelle blew a kiss to Guido and went for a walk through the apple orchard.
 
A bee flew by and Annabelle waved her hands to make the bee fly away. "Scoot, scoot!" Anabelle said to the bee.  A bee stung Anabelle's temple and she died due to a severe allergic reaction.  She died at the age of 25 on October 7, 1947.  Unfortunately, Pauline did not know this story about her mother until many years later. As a matter of fact, many things were concealed from Pauline as you will see throughout the story. The story has some surprising twists, bitterness, happiness, and most of all, it is a story about forgiveness. 
 
Guido sat in his livingroom with only one, small, lit candle. He had not shaved or showered for a couple of days as he was heartbroken over the loss of his wife. He sat back in his chair and sobbed. His whole world crumbled the day Annabelle died.  Guido was struggling financially and had difficulty managing his house, raising his daughters, and dealing with the loss of his wife. A few friends knocked at the door, but Guido did not answer the door one night, as he just sat in the dark with deep sadness and sorrow in his heart.
 
One afternoon, Guido's brother went to visit Guido.  They sat at the kitchen table with a glass of homemade wine.  "Guido, this situation is going to kill you. You haven't' eaten, you won't talk to anyone, and you can't afford to raise your two daughters. Let me help you!"  his brothersaid.  He offered to adopt Guido's two daughters. "You simply are not able to raise two daughters and you can not support them financially," his brother said. Despite his financial and emotional struggles, Guido did not allow his brother to adopt his daughters.  He had a different solution.  He agreed that he could not provide a good life to both daughters as he was not cut out to raise two daughters at the same time. He decided to contact Marjorie's biological father. "I think it is best that Marjorie be raised by her real father. However, Pauline will stay with me. No matter how hard my life may be at times, I will manage my household and will take care of Pauline. I do not want you to adopt my daughters, ," Guido told his brother.
 
After a few years, things started to look up for Guido.  He continued landscaping and provided for Pauline while Marjorie lived with her real father. During those years, Pauline was never told that she had a half-sister, nor was she told about Annabelle until much later. 
 
One night, Guido put on his suit. "Where are you going?" a friend asked.  Guido smiled and said that he was going out dancing with a woman named Marie.  His buddy said, "Have a great time!" He danced with a gentle and kind woman named Marie Wright and took her to a local diner for coffee.  Some of the people in town said, "Hey Guido, you're looking good these days!" Marie Wright and Guido danced together, walked through town, and chatted over coffee. Eventually, she became his wife.
 
Pauline's eyes filled with tears as she told me, "There were a lot of secrets and details which I did not find out about until I was 17 years old, and some information that I did not find out until I was about 50 years old." The amazing thing about Pauline was that I did not detect any anger or bitterness in her voice.  She had a tone of forgiveness.
 
"You'll be late for school, come and eat your pancakes!" Marie yelled up the stairs!  "Okay, I am coming downstairs now," Pauline yelled.  Marie was good to Pauline.  She showed love, support and kindness.  However, Pauline said, that years later she discovered so many secrets. "I forgave my step mother and father because I think that they were just trying protect me, so they had to keep certain things from me." 
 
Pauline explained that they moved from a third floor apartment on Barnum Ave to a house on Third St. in Bridgeport, CT back then. Also, Pauline said that one of the images in her mind was her father's sausage machine. Guido loved making sausage. He pulled out a pan, put fresh olive oil on the bottom of the pan, and fried peppers with onions, Pauline told me.  "However, I will never forget my father's home made gnocchi," Pauline added. Guido placed a bottle of red wine and one bottle of white wine on the table. He picked up a peach and sliced it into the glass of wine while he listened to his favorite songs. "My father loved Vic Damone and Frank Sinatra", Pauline said. 

 

Pauline mentioned that her father played cards with his friends at the dining room table. "Do we have any more rolls and sausage and peppers?" Guido asked Marie. "Yes, we do!" she said as she started to bring the grinders to the table. "By the way, the guys are taking me to the Yankee game next week.They just bought me a ticket. Maybe you and Pauline can go to the beach that day," he suggested. The telephone rang and it was her uncle, Giovanni. Marie answered the phone and said, "No, we can't make it. Thanks for asking." Marie and Guido often declined invitations to family gatherings at certain relatives' homes. The family seemed divided, but it all had to do with the family secrets.
 
I looked at Main Avenue through the window of the usual coffee shop where I do my writing.  Pauline became emotional during parts of the story, but kept telling me that she wanted to tell her story because it is a good part of the healing process and she wanted to continue with her story.
 
Pauline said, "Sometimes my father struggled and we did not have much to eat at times, but my father made wonderful soup from the vegetables in his garden and made fresh tomato sauce"  Guido was very strict sometimes.  "Make sure you come right home after the matinee. I don't want you walking around town and getting into trouble," he said.  Sometimes he had a quick temper as he asked Pauline, "Where are you going tonight? be careful of those hoodlems who hang out at the movie theater," he said as she walked out the door with her friends.
 
One afternoon, after Pauline turned 17 years old, she walked with her friends to get a burger.  She chatted and laughed with her friends. They talked about dresses that they wanted to get for the school dance.  Pauline was full of life as she smiled and told her friends that she would call them tomorrow.  She walked up her front steps and heard commotion. She heard her Uncle Giovanni's voice and noticed his car in her driveway.  Pauline overheard  Giovanni saying, "I am tired of carrying these secrets!".  Pauline stood in the livingroom and heard Marie crying. Suddenly, Marie ran into the bedroom. "What's going on?"  Pauline asked.  Guido told Giovanni "Pauline is too young to understand!" Giovanni took out a diamond ring and put it on the table. "I have had enough of your secrets!" 

 

It turned out that the diamond ring had belonged to Pauline's real mother, Annabelle.  Guido had asked Giovanni to hold on to it for years, but now, Giovanni decided to give the ring  back. Pauline's Uncle Giovanni held on to the ring for Guido because he was more reliable and stable than Guido. Pauline's father, Guido knew that Giovanni was the right person to hang on to the ring until Pauline was older. Therefore,  Giovanni was given the diamond ring for safe keeping, but the ring was meant for Pauline later on in life. Guido  was waiting for the right moment to give Pauline the ring and  to tell her all about Annabelle, but Giovanni did not agree. This was the argument that Pauline  walked into that day. Guido did not want to tell Pauline about Annabelle being her real mother , yet Giovanni disagreed and with much frustration, he gave the ring back to Guido.   The second ring was gold with 2 rubies in a flower setting.  After Guido died and her step mother, Marie remarried, Marie did not want to give Pauline the  ring and often said, "You can have the ring after I die."   Pauline received the ring after Marie's death. Also, Pauline had finally received the diamond ring, too.
 
 

Pauline found out for the first time that Marie was not her real mother and that Annabelle was her real mother. Pauline's parents wanted to keep the secret from her to spare her the pain. It just seemed easier for Marie to raise her as her own. This was the reason that Marie and Guido never wanted to visit certain relatives. They worried the relatives would leak the information about Marie not being her real mother.   Also, Pauline's heart broke when she was told for the first time that she had a half-sister named Marjorie.  Pauline ran out of the house and stayed at a friend's house. She ran down the street sobbing and knocked on her friend's door.  She felt betrayed. She kept yelling, "no, no, this is a lie!"
Pauline told me that she stayed at a friend's house for a while. Pauline said that she did not want to go back home.
 
She was eating  a slice of pizza at her friend's house when the phone rang. "It's your mom," her friend said. "You can't ignore her forever," her friend said as she passed the phone to Pauline.  She seemed withdrawn and sad, but she spoke to Marie.  "Come home. We need to work this out," Marie said. Marie wanted to move forward and Pauline needed to sort things out. She struggled between the feelings of betrayal, sadness, and dishonesty, yet she felt love for both of her parents.  Pauline sat on her front porch that night and realized that her father had married Marie who was very good to both of them. Marie helped her father raise Pauline, cooked, cleaned and nurtured Pauline.  She  forgave Guido and Pauline realized it was easier to let go of the secret.  Sometimes things seemed complicated, but Pauline chose never to bring up the secrets again. Well, the secrets surfaced later, which I will tell you about. Pauline was afraid to talk about the situation. Maybe part of it was denial, shock  or fear. Most importantly, Pauline forgave her father because she realized that no matter how difficult her father's life had become or how much he struggled financially, Guido had chosen not to give Pauline up for adoption. The fact that he did not give up Pauline for adoption and took care of her was enough for Pauline to realize that she must forgive her father.
 
Sometimes we strive for "normality" after a tragic or shocking event, or we make a decision to fight or flee.  It was easier for Pauline to accept the truth and detach from the reality rather than force the truth all over again.
 
After high school,  Pauline attended the National School of Aeronautics. She studied to become a flight attendant. However, she also decided to pursue opportunities with he CIA, but she could not proceed to the next step in the interview process. She said it may have had something to do with  her father's background, or the fact that he was born in Italy.  She worked for Branif International Airlines and was able to get a one way ticket anywhere she wanted to go for free. She decided to go to Kansas City where she eventually married a Scottish Irish man in 1967. She had a son named Charles Paul in 1968 and a daughter, Lisa Lea, who was born in 1969.
 
I handed Pauline several tissues during this part of the story, and I reminded her that we could shorten the story, or focus on a different topic. She dried her tears and she insisted that she really wanted to tell her story. "No, this is good for me," she said as she dried her eyes. "I need to let my feelings out," she said.
 
She told me that her daughter, Lisa, used to like to hide her boots whenever it was time to go to school during the winter months. One of the cab drivers in town used to offer to give Lisa a ride to school. The yellow cab pulled up in front of Pauline's house and honked his horn. "Where are your boots?" Pauline asked Lisa.  "One's Hot, One's cold," Lisa responded. At first, I was confused. I thought Lisa was playing a joke on her mom.  "My daughter hid one boot in the freezer and one boot in the oven."  Pauline told me that her daughter, Lisa, was autistic. However, Lisa was high functioning and smart and always made Pauline laugh. Pauline's daughter always knew how to make people smile and she never noticed other people's disabilities.
 
Pauline's father, Guido, used to express his love for his grandaughter, Lisa.  Sometimes Lisa would have meltdowns, which were periods of time in which Lisa would scream or cry.  Guido knew how to soothe Lisa during these meltdowns.  He embraced Lisa and stroked her hair. 

 

This was a story about family, forgiveness, traditions, love, and  challenges. I started to think about the silly things that I complain about, yet Pauline Massini appreciated, loved, and forgave her family no matter how many complications or heartache she endured.  I admired her strength.
 
Pauline smiled and said, " I never went hungry and my father did not give me up for adoption. Although our cabinets were empty sometimes, my father loved me and always found a way to feed me." She remembers how her father made her laugh. "He stuffed a chicken and was ready to bake it one night. Just as he started to prepare the roasted potatoes, my cat grabbed the chicken by the leg and dragged it across the room, stuffing and all."  Guido chased the cat through the house, but the cat would not let go of the stuffed chicken!" It was a silly memory, but I wanted Pauline to tell me her funny memories to take away her tears while she told me the story.

 

Eventually, Guido passed away, but Pauline spoke from her heart when she told me about the images of her father. She will always remember the lilac tree that he planted in the middle of their yard, the Pall Mall cigarettes and the pipe that he smoked.  Also, she will remember how much he loved his black and brown German Shepard, Sabrina, and the way the German Shepard layed on Guido's grave after Guido had died.  Pauline's mother Marie brought flowers to the grave, and the dog layed right next to the flowers.
 
A few years after Guido's funeral, Pauline was invited to diner by her cousin Joan. Suddenly, after the meal, Joan's husband Tom handed Pauline an envelope. "I think you might want this information," he said as he passed her the envelope.  She did not open it until a couple of months later. 
 
It was the envelope which contained information about her half sister, Marjorie, who she had never met.  Remember, Pauline was only about 2 years old when she walked through the orchards with her mother, Annabelle and her  half sister Marjorie, but she was too young to remember and her step mother Marie and her father never shared the details. It was hidden even after they all had an argument when the secret was revealed. A cousin put up flyers in all of the churches in Antwerp, NY which said, "Someone is looking for Marjorie. If you have any information about Marjorie, daughter of Annabelle and Guido Massini, please call this #. "Tom put his phone number on the flyer.  Eventually, someone saw the flyer and called Tom. 
 
Pauline and her half -sister, Marjorie were reunited for the first time in years.  Pauline went to visit Marjorie at her house. Actually, Marjorie kept Pauline's baby picture all of these years! They noticed that they had the same build, hands, and feet. They still stay in touch and Pauline's heart was complete after meeting Marjorie.
 
Unfortunately, Pauline's daughter Lisa passed away of cancer in 2004. She had a cancer mass in her back at the age of 34. "I believe that God took Lisa because he needed someone in heaven to make him laugh."

Everyone has a different story to tell. Pauline is an extraordinary woman because she is a genuine person who has shown acts of love, forgiveness, and kindness. Most of all, she is extraordinary because she always found a way to find the sweet fruit in a bowl of bittersweet memories.
 
She finally went to Italy back in 2001.  She visited her friends, Frank & Kate Brunetti and gazed at the Spanish Steps, the Vatican, and Pontevecchio.  She took out her camera, admired the flowers in Italy, and sipped the homemade wine. A cousin, Angelino, met her for the first time in Castiglion, Fiorentino, Italy, which was her father's birthplace. Angelino  handed her a blue, velvet box with a light blue bow.  She was emotional as she opened it. It was a sapphire and diamond necklace!She was overwhelmed with joy.

 

Her life was filled with struggles and heartache, yet the happy ending to this story was that she visited Italy and was able to enjoy the beauty of it. Most importantly, she met her cousins.  Also, she appreciated visiting her relatives' graves in Italy and she will always remember the light blue, silk scarf Angelino had also given to her. "There is no such thing as bad food in Italy," she said. Her trip to Italy lifted her spirits and warmed her heart.
 
Life goes on and has many surprise twists.  However, the most important thing to remember in Pauline's story is the importance of family, love, forgiveness and the strength to move on. Pauline is truly blessed with memories of the way her daughter made her laugh, her father's devotion in spite of his secrets, and the true meaning of love.   
 
Pauline is an Italian American with a heart of gold, filled with patience and tenderness.