It had been her idea to carve their initials into the lemon tree in Grandma’s yard. “That’s kid’s stuff,” Todd said. “I’m a big kid,” Kathryn told him. She moved in like she was gonna grab him and hold him. Todd jumped back, but he laughed. “All right, all right,” he said, and grabbed the knife from her. “TJ loves KG forever,” he carved. Then the two of them giggled and ran away.

Now Todd was coming into the kitchen. He walked heavily, like he was mad about something. Kathryn squinted at him. “Morning,” he said. Kathryn’s neck ached. She rubbed it and stared in her bowl like she was looking for something.

Todd turned the stove on, it clicked to life. He lit his cigarette on it. Kathryn crinkled up her nose to block the smell. Todd started to put the cigarette in his mouth but Kathryn was looking at him so he stopped and went outside.

Kathryn stirred her cereal while she waited for Todd to come back inside. When he did, he saw her looking at him. She looked away, but it was too late. “What?” he said.

Kathryn sighed. “Nothing.” She dug into the cereal. “Three classes today, that’s all.” Todd didn’t turn around. “And you’re off on top of it.”

Todd was looking in the fridge. “I know.” He took out an old package of bread, it was green with mold. “Yech.” He stomped on the pedal to open the trash. “But getting your degree will give you more job opportunities. That’s why you’re doing this. Correct?” He tossed the moldy bread in, the trash lid slammed closed.

Kathryn stirred her cereal. “Yeah,” she said. “But – “

Todd pulled out leftovers from last week. He tossed these too. “Are you ready for your American history quiz?” He took out a package of eggs and checked it. These passed inspection; he put a pan on the stove and cracked the eggs into it. Kathryn watched his hands. His fingers were long and the nails were even. She looked away. “I’d better go,” she said, and shoveled cereal into her mouth.

“So soon?” Todd said. He stirred his eggs with a spatula. Kathryn rubbed her neck again and pulled her backpack on. It was heavy. “Yeah.” She tiptoed up to the stove. Todd kissed her lightly on the lips. “Later,” he said, and flipped the eggs. Kathryn waited a second but he didn’t turn around. “Bye,” she whispered.

Kathryn flipped through her radio stations as she sped down the expressway. Everything was talk, talk, talk. Only 94.1 was playing music. Kathryn hated the song. She turned the radio off.

The guy in the next car tossed out a cigarette butt. Kathryn rolled her window up. The guy stared at her. He mouthed, “What?” Kathryn looked away. She sped up a little and turned the radio back on. She turned it up, then turned it down again. She sped up and started singing along.

Her cell phone rang. She jumped a little, then answered it.

“Kathryn. Grandma. What’s new?”

Kathryn squeezed the phone tight. “I’m driving, Grandma.” She looked over her shoulder and changed lanes. She was extra careful since she was on the phone.

“Oh, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to check in.” Grandma breathed hard into the phone. “How’s Todd?”

Kathryn checked the rearview mirror. “Fine.”

“If I may be so bold, how are things progressing with the two of you? Have you set a date yet?”

Kathryn squeezed the steering wheel. She got ready to swerve in case anybody came into her lane too soon. “Grandma – “

“Maybe it’s none of my business, but I don’t understand what’s taking you so long. You already live together. So why wait?”

Kathryn was way too close to the car in front of her. She slammed on the brakes and looked around. All she could see was cars, cars, cars. She couldn’t breathe in all those cars. She rolled the window down. “I’m on the expressway, Grandma.”

Grandma was quiet for a minute. Then she said, “Oh. All right. Drive careful.”

“I will.” Kathryn hung up before Grandma could say she loved her.

Everyone was standing around in tiny knots when Kathryn ran up to the history classroom. She stood at the edge of the crowd, a little away from everyone else. She watched a shadow moving across the floor. She checked on everybody. They were busy with their stupid conversations about the quiz. She bent down and took a notebook out of her backpack.

She could use something like that shadow on her home page. It could move across the different boxes, illuminating them each in turn. Across the bottom, she’d scroll a simple message. “Contact me if you want this on your page.” Something like that. She could do it in Java. It would take her, like, two minutes and she’d get some business out of it. Maybe enough to quit school.

The classroom door creaked open. “Come in, guys,” Professor Jensen said. Kathryn’s head jerked up. She slammed the notebook closed and stuffed it in her backpack. She waited for everyone else to shove their way into the room before she shuffled in.

Kathryn sat down as close to the middle of the room as she could and took out two pencils. She rolled them up and down her desk while Professor Jensen gave the instructions. The guy next to her leaned over. He had tight, dark curls and eyes. Kathryn shivered. “Ready for the quiz?” he said.

Kathryn’s stomach felt tight. She looked away. “I guess.” She pretended not to watch the guy take his stuff out.

Professor Jensen counted the pile of quizzes before handing them to the first person in each row. Kathryn watched them going back towards her. She could hear the guy next to her tapping on his desk.

Todd tapped his foot while he waited for the Ferris wheel to start up again. Kathryn had wanted to go on the roller coaster, but Todd didn’t like coasters. Besides, they had just eaten.

They were stuck on the top of the wheel, squished into two tiny seats across from each other. Kathryn looked out at the lights. The city looked so, so small. She was bigger than it was.

“So...” Todd said. “Where do you go to school?”

The car jerked forward. Kathryn sighed and looked at the floor. “I don’t. I... I have my own business.”

Todd’s feet stopped moving. Kathryn looked up to see how the rest of him reacted. He raised his eyebrows, leaned back, and crossed his arms. “Wow,” he said, and smiled.

The girl in front of Kathryn waved the quiz paper in her face. “He – llo?” Kathryn grabbed the paper out of her hand. She leaned forward and read the first question. She forgot what it was and had to read it again. She squeezed the pencil so hard her hand ached as she scribbled her answer.

Since Kathryn finished the quiz early, she had extra time before Todd would worry about where she was. The sun was coming down as she walked slowly along the campus. Everywhere, people were walking with cell phones pushed against their ears. Couples were holding hands. Kathryn’s stomach ached. She wished Todd went to this school.

She took out her cell phone and dialed Todd’s number but didn’t send it. He wasn’t going to pick up. He almost never did. Kathryn pressed clear and put the phone away. Instead, she went in the food court and drank a Thai iced tea while she looked at her notes from earlier. Her idea was stupid. She hated it. She pushed it away and chewed on her straw while she tried to figure out how to fix it. All she got was a headache. She got up and walked away.

Kathryn was just passing the library when her watch beeped. Seven. If she didn’t leave now, she’d be late. Besides, she didn’t want to walk alone after dark. She sighed, her breath made her whole body shake. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and stood staring at the library.

A bunch of girls elbowed her on the way out. Hard. “You know, you’re right in the way,” one of them said. Kathryn looked at her shoes. The laces were falling apart. “Sorry,” she said. She untied her shoes and tied them again. One of the laces broke off in her hand. She managed to get it tied anyway.

There were way too many people on campus as she walked back. Everyone was talking on their phones and not watching where they were going; they kept getting in her way. It was starting to get dark as she got to her car. Kathryn ran towards it before the shadows could get her. She pushed the button on her key ring to unlock the doors. By accident she hit the alarm. The car beeped loud and made everyone stare. Kathryn stared at the ground as she turned the alarm off. Her head was throbbing. She slammed the door shut and massaged her temples before she drove off.

The traffic on the way home was just as bad as the foot traffic on campus. Every time a car slowed her down, he throat felt tighter. She was afraid she might stop breathing.

Finally, she rounded the corner of Jubile Street. She sped up to get home faster. Someone was backing out of a driveway without looking. Kathryn swerved and almost hit a bicycle going the wrong way. Her brakes screamed. The bicyclist kept going. Kathryn pulled over. She rolled the window all the way down and gasped for air. She got out of the car. It was way too far from the curb, she’d get a ticket for sure. She didn’t care. She grabbed her backpack and ran all the way down the street.

There was a blue car right parked in front of her building. The paint was chipping and there was a dent in the side. Grandma. Kathryn tapped her fingers on the hood. Her head ached even worse. She squeezed her eyes shut. I won’t be mad. She walked past the car and up the stairs to her apartment.

Grandma lay on the couch while Todd smoked a cigarette. He took it out of his mouth as Kathryn came in. “Hey there,” he said.

Kathryn stared at the smoke as it rose slowly up to the ceiling. Todd looked back at her. His eyes were wide and round and very blue. “What’s up?”

Kathryn dropped her backpack. It thudded to the floor. “You’re smoking in the house.”

Todd tapped ash into the tray. “Sorry. I forgot.” Kathryn pressed her lips tight together. She tried to breathe but she couldn’t, her throat was way too tight. She coughed and ran to the window. “Relax,” Grandma said. “He’s putting it out.” Kathryn pulled the window open as hard as she could. She shoved her nose against it. “Are you all right?” Todd asked.

Kathryn wheeled around. “Like you fucking care!” she said. Grandma sat straight up. “Language!”

“Stay out of this!” Kathryn said. “You’re not even supposed to be here!” She turned around again so she wouldn’t see Grandma’s face.

“Hey,” Todd said. His voice was very quiet. Kathryn wished he would yell. “Your problem’s not with her. It’s with me. Don’t drag her into it.” He turned towards Grandma and held out his hands, Kathryn watched his reflection in the window. “I am so sorry, Grandma Paula.” He took his cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. Kathryn turned around to stop him. He looked at her but he took out a cigarette anyway. “What? So I forgot once. Big deal.” He turned on the stove. The clicks echoed in Kathryn’s ear. She jumped between Todd and the stove and tried to turn it off, but it was too late. Todd’s cigarette was already lit. He pushed past her and went outside. Kathryn watched the door slam behind him. She went to the window, but she couldn’t see him. She hoped he was going to come back.

Grandma twisted her necklace around her finger. “What’s wrong with you?” Kathryn shrugged.

“I’m sorry I came over without asking you first,” Grandma said. “I thought you guys might like some company. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

Kathryn couldn’t answer, all she could do was keep checking the window to see if Todd was coming back.

“It’s not too late,” Grandma said. “All you have to do is apologize.” Kathryn said nothing.

After a long time, his footsteps echoed on the stairs. Kathryn pulled herself away from the window as he came in.

He looked at her, she could feel him sizing her up. “Are you done acting crazy?”

Kathryn looked at the floor. Grandma poked her but she didn’t move.

Grandma fiddled with her necklace again and said, “Everything’s fine. You two just had a silly little spat. I’m sure Kathryn’s sorry, aren’t you, Kathryn?”

Kathryn nodded. She looked at Grandma, then at Todd. They were both staring at her. She squeezed her backpack strap. “I have to study,” she said. She swung her backpack over her shoulder and walked into the bedroom. She closed the door and tossed the backpack to the side. She lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The paint was peeling. She looked away.

Todd and Kathryn had been Grandma’s idea. “He’s a college boy,” Grandma told Kathryn. “You’ll love him. Besides, it’ll do you some good to get out of the house.”

Kathryn decided to meet Todd at the carnival ‘cause she wanted to go anyway. “That’s not a proper date,” Grandma said, but Kathryn wouldn’t listen. It was the first time she wanted to go anywhere since Mom died, so Grandma dropped it.

Kathryn’s door flew open. Grandma came in before Kathryn could sit up or open a book or anything. “I’m not interrupting, am I?” Grandma said, and came further in. Kathryn opened her backpack and took out her notebook. She studied her website idea. It didn’t look so bad now.

“I just have to say,” Grandma said, and sat down on the bed, “it would be a shame if you let this drag on. What’s that you’re studying?”

Kathryn closed the notebook. “Nothing.”

Grandma pushed her lips together. “Anyway,” she said, “if I were you I would just swallow my pride and apologize. Todd’s a very forgiving sort of boy, you know.”

“I think Kathryn’s heard your opinion, Grandma Paula.” Todd stood just outside the doorway. His arms were crossed.

Grandma’s back stiffened. “I was only trying to help.”

Todd smiled. Kathryn shivered, looking at him. “I know,” he said. “And we appreciate it. But we need to work this out alone.” Grandma fiddled with her necklace. “We’ll be fine,” Todd said. “I promise.”

Grandma sighed. “I hope so.”

Todd raised his eyebrows at Kathryn. She stood up. “Thanks for everything, Grandma,” she said, and stared at the floor.

Todd kissed Grandma on the cheek as she tiptoed past the door. “We’ll call you tomorrow, OK?”

Grandma put her hand on the knob. “I could wait here if you’d like.” Todd shook his head. “Well, all right,” Grandma said. She stood on her toes and said in a loud whisper, “Don’t forget that she’s sorry.”

Kathryn watched Grandma leave. She took slow, tiny steps. For the first time ever, Kathryn thought that Grandma was old.

Todd waited in the doorway. He pinched his arms. Kathryn looked away.

“Well,” Todd said. “Can I come in?”

Kathryn shrugged. “You’re not gonna smoke, are you?” She was joking, but her voice sounded mean.

Todd held up his hands. “Damn it, Kathryn. I already said I was sorry. Can’t you drop it?”

Kathryn stared straight ahead. Outside, the trees were swaying in the wind again. She blinked back tears.

“How was school?” Todd said. Kathryn rubbed her eyes. “The quiz was easy.”

“That’s good.” Todd came forward. He looked like he wanted to sit on the bed. Kathryn wished he would. But he didn’t.

“I made some notes for the website,” Kathryn told him. Todd didn’t answer. “Wanna see?”

“Maybe later,” Todd said. He sighed. Kathryn took out the notebook and opened it. She pretended to be reading her notes.

Todd cleared his throat. “I’m gonna get a beer. Want one?” Kathryn shook her head.

Todd slapped his hands against his sides as he walked away. Kathryn watched him go. The way he walked made her shiver. He closed the door behind him.

Kathryn got up and pressed her nose against the window. The wind knocked some oranges off a tree in the yard.

In the living room, Todd turned on the TV. Kathryn was cold. She got under the covers and pressed her head into the pillow while she waited for him to come to bed.