AuthorsDen.com  Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: B. B. Riefner, iFrank Stephenson, iNicholas Coe, iDr. Stanley Crawford, iAl Moe, iAlfred Schwab, iWilliam Wright, i
  Home > Psychology > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

William S. Cottringer

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 349 titles
· 534 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
·
Member Since: Sep, 2002

   Sitemap
   Contact Author
   Message Board
   Read Reviews

Books
· Reality Repair

· Reality Repair Rx: Knowing What's Up and What's Not

· Do What Matters Most

· P Point Management

· The Bow-Wow Secrets

· You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too.


Short Stories
· We are all Prisoners In The Vicious Circle Tit For Tat Bullying Tag Game

· Doing What Matters Most:: Simplifying Your Overload

· Success by Default

· Finding a Title to Your Book

· Hannah's Christmas Wish

· The Dream

· My Brick Wall

· The Two Things God Wants From You


Articles
· 20 Writing Tips for Better Results

· Elements of Critical Thinking

· ACCEPT ADVERSITY, BOUNCE BACK & GET GOING

· Five Pillars Of Happiness

· Little Laws 4 Big Success

· The Cllenge For Returning Veterans

· Be Your Best Self By Not trying To Be A Better You

· Staying Happy in Hopeless Situations

· The Tao of New Information Age Time Management

· Two Questions Worth Answering


Poetry
· Going Up of Down?

· A Photographer's Eye

· The Familiar Stranger

· Default Man

· The One Thing to Check

· Suicide Survivor

· Choice of Rebirth

· When

· My Best Teacher

· What Is Time?

         More poetry...

William S. Cottringer, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

The World’s Worst War: The Bullies vs. The Bullied
By William S. Cottringer
Last edited: Saturday, March 19, 2011
Posted: Saturday, March 19, 2011



Share    Print   Save  Become a Fan
Recent articles by
William S. Cottringer

• 20 Writing Tips for Better Results
• Elements of Critical Thinking
• ACCEPT ADVERSITY, BOUNCE BACK & GET GOING
• Five Pillars Of Happiness
• Little Laws 4 Big Success
• The Cllenge For Returning Veterans
• Be Your Best Self By Not trying To Be A Better You
           >> View all 237
In today's world, some sort of bullying is the most common problem to overcome because of our inability to give up our addiction to a win-lose mentality

 

The World’s Worst War: The Bullies vs. The Bullied
by
Bill Cottringer
 
Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. `Benjamin Disraeli.
 
The Problem:
 
     Today we are witnessing a major showdown between two failure extremes—the strong vs. the weak, or more in today’s terms, the bullies vs. the bullied. The bullying conflict is pervasive in every aspect of living. It is a destructive epidemic that cries for urgent attention and immediate cure. Just consider this spectrum of the conflict:
 
  • Weaker kids in school (or employees at work) getting picked on by stronger ones.
  • Parents trying to over-control their children’s freedom exploration.
  • Donald Trump vs. the apprentices, or any other reality TV program.
  • Unions vs. management in business or government; or simply employers vs. employees.
  • The US political party majority vs. the party minority.
  • Facebook and other social media institutions against individuals.
  • Wars between countries over ideologies, oil or land.
 
The Solution:
 
     To unravel any problem behavior, it is necessary to look at what purpose it is supposed to serve. What is the purpose of bullying behavior? Solid research reveals that bullying serves several inter-related means to one end—to go from failure and losing, to winning and success and how that makes you feel. The bully uses any means available—usually being aggressive, intimidating, fear-provoking and uncaring—to dominate a weaker person. The bully pulls himself up by pushing someone else down.
 
     On the other side of the coin, what about the bullied? What purpose can being bullied as a victim possibly serve? By being bullied, that is a good excuse for failure and losing, and not having to do what is needed to be responsible, courageous, and successful.
 
     But herein lies the real problem—the bullying problem is buried from sight in a win-lose mentality where there have to be winners and losers. In this sense it has just perpetuated itself from schools to world politics. Such a win-lose mentality causes too many problems and the really smart people know we have to shift from it to a win-win mentality, but that may be one of the most difficult transformations to make. And right now, the trigger mechanism—the common definition and sense of success—is tied much too closely to the wrong side.
 
     The natural creative process in life is the only solution to such a conflict—going from one extreme to the other and then landing in the middle for a better viewpoint. A good example and maybe even a cause of this bullying problem, is the grading systems we use in schools. The typical dichotomy is: (a) the public school bell curve in which students are competing against each other, where there are always winners (A & B students) and losers (D & F students), and (b) the Catholic school system of absolute standards in which 90% successful answers to a test = A grade, where students are competing against an absolute standard.
     The creative solution to this go-no-where, either-or, win-lose mentality is a difficult one that requires hard work and critical thinking. It involves measuring a person’s knowledge and abilities going into each new situations, applying the program, training, counseling  or educational “treatment”, and then measuring the progress made at the outcome, after the treatment. This way the individual is competing against himself in a win-win mentality.
 
     Another good example is how we foolishly over-embraced the half-truth of the self-esteem movement started in schools and social welfare programs in the sixties. The main result we see today is the entitlement generation that wants something for nothing and can’t deal with their bruised egos as a result of the realities of failure and disappointment. The real goal for parents to teach children and teachers to teach students, is how to develop and stick to a simple formula to be successful in life and build true self-esteem (the golden mean in between under and over self-confidence—especially understanding the lessons of failure to build stronger character to weather the inevitable adversities that won’t ever go away in life.
 
In summary:
 
  1. Bullying is the most destructive and pervasive problem the whole world faces today and that sad reality must be changed for the better now. There is no time to encourage awareness or evolve a sense of urgency about this.
  2. There are more legitimate ways to get what we really want other than bullying or being bullied and it is up to each of us to be creative and find those ways. That is what life is all about—learning, growing and improving our response to life.
  3. The best path to success is being inner-directed and following your own conscience about what is the best way to think and act and then choosing and using that information to be successful. Being other-directed is just a diversion away from our destiny to be successful.
  4. The single best transformation we need is moving away from the win-lose mentality that traps us all, and closer to a win-win one that can set us all free. But that takes a tremendous faith and trust in the goodness of life taking us to a better place.
  5. A good start is to stop the external competition against others or even against some absolute standard, and start the passion for inner competition against self; we could call this “coopetition.”
  6. Since bullying and being bullied involves a battle between the extremes of aggression and passivity, assertiveness is the easiest and quickest response that gets the best results with the least negative side effects.
 
    We have all experiences at bullying and being bullied. The question we can ask ourselves to pull the plug on this destructive behavior is, does it really help us to be successful and feel the way we want to feel? I’ll take the silence as a “no.”
 
Bullying is not limited to schools; it is universal. Show me where it doesn’t exist and that is the place where I want to be.” ~The author.
 
William Cottringer, Ph.D. is Executive Vice President for Employee Relations for Puget Sound Security, Inc. in Bellevue, WA, along with being a Sport Psychologist, Business Success Coach, Photographer and Writer living in the mountains of North Bend. He is author of several business and self-development books, including, “You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too” (Executive Excellence), “The Bow-Wow Secrets” (Wisdom Tree), and“Do What Matters Most” and “P” Point Management” (Atlantic Book Publishers), “Reality Repair” (Global Vision Press), and Reality Repair Rx (Authorsden). Bill can be reached for comments or questions at (425) 454-5011 or ckuretdoc.comcast.net

 

 

Web Site The Prosperity Zone
f

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!



Books by
William S. Cottringer



Reality Repair





Reality Repair Rx: Knowing What's Up and What's Not

Buy Options
Signed copy!




Do What Matters Most

Buy Options
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




P Point Management





The Bow-Wow Secrets

Buy Options
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too.

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..


Popular
Psychology Articles
  1. Daniel Craig Mocked, But Could Have Answer
  2. Felonious Actions
  3. Fear of Missing Out
  4. I'll Be Home For Christmas
  5. Profiling Trayvon Martin
  6. 1400 WNEX
  7. Five Pillars Of Happiness
  8. Keeping In Touch
  9. Fear and Love and Doom
  10. Grief and Christmas
  11. Little Laws 4 Big Success
  12. Elements of Critical Thinking
  13. Emotional Vacancy
  14. Sensuality Meets Sexuality
  15. What Was I Thinking?
  16. Basics of the CARE2
  17. Time
  18. Common sense
  19. Jung, Alchemy and Active Imagination
  20. Saturnine Melancholy: Chronic Ennui in the

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.