Hinkly Dinkly Reporting

ASTRONAUT CHARGED WITH KIDNAP ATTEMPT

A NASA astronaut drove 900 miles wearing a diaper and donned a disguise to confront a woman she believed was her rival for the affections of a space shuttle pilot.

The 43-year-old robotics specialist faces charges including attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery.

Question: What is the legal significance of burglarizing a vehicle with a battery, and destroying a battery?

Police said she drove 900 miles, donned a disguise and was armed with a BB gun and pepper spray when she confronted a woman she believed was a competitor for the affections of an unmarried fellow astronaut whom she is rumored to be linked in the Five Hundred Mile High Club.

She raced from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers in the car so she wouldn't have to stop to go to the bathroom, authorities said. Astronauts wear diapers during launch and re-entry.

A little more information than we needed to know I should think.

Dressed in a wig and a trench coat, she waited for her rival’s plane to land and then boarded the same airport shuttle bus she took to get to her car. The victim told police she noticed someone following her, hurried inside the car and locked the doors.

The astronaut rapped on the window, tried to open the car door and asked for a ride. She refused but rolled down the car window a few inches when the trenchcoated woman started crying. The robotics specialist then sprayed a chemical into her car, which she said smelled bad but later suggested it may have been the diaper she was wearing.

Does this sound like appropriate behavior for an astronaut – An officer and a gentleman?

The glorious fellows of AAAA – Alien Abductees & Alcoholics Anonymous say “OF course not!”

This is typical of an abducted individual under the influence of extraterrestrials probably due to an implant or some form of hypnosis. They stated that astronauts are ideal for abductions, as they are already half way there. They suggested she be watched closely.

A judge allowed the astronaut to go free on bail on the condition that she not leave the planet.

Hinkly Out!
By George