How To Spoil A Woman and Other Advice
edited: Sunday, March 20, 2011
By James A Graves Jr
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
Posted: Sunday, March 20, 2011
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An old-fashoned way to a better marriage.
Your first question might be, “Why would you want to spoil a woman?”
Well, there are probably a lot of answers, but my best answer is, “Because it is very enjoyable, with quite a few side benefits.”
My title for this essay is mostly based on the fact that I thought, “How to Try to Spoil a Woman and Other Advise.” wasn’t very catchy. In reality, you can only try to spoil a woman. There are no guarantees, and results may vary.
The term “spoiled” is usually applied to a bratty, over-indulged, undisciplined kid. Spoiled kids are typically seen trailing behind parents that would be challenged by dog ownership and probably shouldn’t even be allowed to own an aquarium. This is not about those parents or their bratty kids. Spoiling a woman is not about turning her into an undisciplined monster, it’s about showing her what a blessing she is in your life and trying to keep her happy.
“How do you know how to spoil a woman?” you ask.
Well, I’ve only practiced on one, but it seems to have worked well so far. I’m a typical, dumb guy and I was just beginning to figure all of this stuff out when I met my present, sweet lady. It’s just as well that I had not yet worked out all of the details before I met her, because the previous one really wasn’t worth the effort.
But experimenting on this one has been a delightful experience. That may sound a bit clinical, but I’m not suggesting that I’ve considered her a lab rat or anything like that. I just should be honest, I experimented; you have to unless you’re some kind of mind reader. And now that most of my research has been finished, I wish I had applied for a government research grant. With the extra funds we could have really had fun.
So now you might ask, “In the absence of the in-depth advise that I hoped this article would contain - techniques provided by a notorious playboy and proven on scores of women - what are your qualifications for offering this advice?”
Or, another way to put it, “Exactly who in hell do you think you are?!”
Well, first, here’s what I’m not...
I’m not a counselor. I’m not a Shrink, although it’s been suggested from time to time that I need to be under the constant supervision of one. I don’t call myself a doctor hoping that I’ll publish a book or be the host of a radio or TV show with “Dr.” in front of my name. I’m not a keeper of sage wisdom like a guru on a mountaintop.
I’m just a guy who has been around for a while and made a whole lot of mistakes, which can be a great learning opportunity if you pay attention. And, while traveling this long and bumpy road I’ve made some interesting observations along the way.
I’ve learned that happiness is really important. People who are not happy are no fun to be around. In fact, they are people that you should make an extra effort to avoid. It’s understandable that there are so many unhappy people in the world, because happiness is a bit hard to pin down. It will tease you and flutter all around you as you try to catch it. Happiness will show itself in places that you can’t reach just to show you what you could have but don’t. You can also literally kill yourself pursuing happiness, dying, having never found it.
But I’ve discovered that happiness can be found, caught and held on to if you use your brain and recognize it when you see it. Yes, I said ‘brain’. Happiness requires thinking. Happiness may live in your heart, but only after your brain puts it there.
Benjamin Franklin said, “The US Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.”
Before starting your pursuit of happiness, you have to do some serious personal observations quite early in life, and use that knowledge to help determine what you want out of life and how to achieve it. Planning for the future, if you will, by deciding what kind of person that you are in the present.
Some guys are very independent and free spirited. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s natural since human males are nomadic hunters by design and instinctively want to spread our genes far and wide.
But, if your knuckles no longer drag the ground, or you desire to rise above that instinctive behavior, you must realize first and foremost that one mate is enough to perpetuate your legacy in the form of offspring.
Trying to have more than one, especially at the same time, is a fool’s errand. It’s also greedy and particularly unfair to guys who don’t have a girlfriend.
And since you only need one, it might just become deadly - at least, for you. “How is that possible?” you ask.
Well, if you’re not familiar with the term ‘Estrogen Wars’, it is the female version of the male pissing contest. As you probably know, in a pissing contest, two males square off to determine which one gets the girl. Depending on how much the participants desire to feel pain, a pissing contest can be violent, or just involve posturing. Either way, the dominant male usually gets the girl and the ordeal is solved.
Estrogen wars typically start when one girlfriend/wife finds out about the other girlfriend(s). It can involve violence, but usually involves plotting, planning, subterfuge, insults, threats, strategic and/or tactical planning, propaganda dissemination and rumormongering.
Estrogen wars usually end the same way that pissing contests end, but not necessarily. The gals have been known to settle their differences and then turn their anger toward the guy. If they do, you’re in serious trouble because they will use all the arsenal of aggression against you that they use against each other.
If you were dumb enough to be involved with more than two, they could all team up and you are dead meat.
If, after completing your self-evaluation and future planning, you decide that you would like to pursue happiness with one woman as your mate and loving companion, you must realize that finding the right woman is like trying to find a perfect pearl in a silo full of plastic beads. She’s there somewhere and you’ll recognize her when she gets close enough, but it takes a lot of time and patience to find her.
If your self-evaluation finds that you’ll take the first willing and available woman that you meet, then you have a long row to hoe. Bonding with a woman is something that every man will eventually seek, even a nomadic hunter, and a relationship will not likely survive on mutual sexual attraction alone. You both need an obligation of the heart, a reason to stay together when life gets rough.
Remember, men are like dogs; they’re not that difficult to keep at home, just food, water and a shut gate will usually keep them on the porch, but women are more like cats; they’re far more independent and don’t care about fences or gates. They can fend for themselves and really only need you for a very short time to provide offspring. If she is not happy with a nest, she will simply pack up her babies and seek another nest, leaving her mate – this means you - to fend for himself. In other words, if you don’t keep her happy she probably won’t be around very long.
And that long row to hoe that I mentioned usually also includes a lot of expense, because she usually takes quite a bit of your money and possessions with her on her way out the door.
Still, you might argue that searching for that perfect pearl is next to impossible and going with a sure thing is the best bet. And there is some validity to that argument. It is possible to spend a lifetime searching and never find your soul mate. But the search is worth it because you meet a lot of women along the way, and if you are fortunate enough to find The One, it will be an experience like you have never known.
Just pray that when you find her, a circumstance beyond your control doesn’t prevent you from spending the rest of your lives together, because that situation is very painful and the pain doesn’t go away.
I’ve discovered, much to my disappointment, that time does not heal all wounds.
But whether you find your long-sought soul mate, or just elope with a girl in the checkout line at a burger joint, you need to be prepared to hold on to her. The following advice, some of which also applies to her, just might help…
When you find the woman that you love, you shouldn’t have to “raise” her. If she is so young that she needs to be raised, then you’re either a member of the wrong religion and/or you are a perverted pig and should be shot.
And if you survive, you should be shot again.
First and foremost, you must consider her your equal, but treat her with a greater importance than you expect for yourself. Hold her above all else: your children, your parents, her parents and all of your friends and relatives. She is the miracle that gives life, the one who can provide you with children. Her needs always come first. You are her provider and she looks to you for support, strength and protection. There is a mutual bond that comes from this relationship, almost on the subconscious, instinctive level, that, when formed, is almost unbreakable.
Learn the term “gentleman” and endeavor to act like one. A gentleman is considered a man who is more concerned with another’s comfort than his own.
NEVER lay so much as a finger on your mate in anger, no matter how mad she makes you – and some women have a real talent for that. She has no right to use violence against you either, but if you’re not man enough to turn and walk away, and think that you can dominate her with physical violence or intimidation, then you need to be shot. And if you survive, you need to be shot again.
If you must show her that you are physically capable of dominating her, get a large piece of plastic sheeting and a bottle of baby oil. Spread the sheeting on the floor of your living room, spread the baby oil on both of your naked bodies – just sit down before you get the oil on the plastic - and have a wrestling match. You can show her how tough you are and she can show you what it’s like to get your ass whipped by a girl.
Give her the freedom to make her own decisions. She’s probably more mature and better at it than you are anyway. Allow her to stay home, work, further her education, or whatever she chooses. Support her decision, making certain she knows you are behind her 100%. If that means you must choose a job that you don’t like in order to make her choices possible, so be it. That is your duty as her provider. Just let her know what you’re willing to do to make her happy; she might choose to share the duties of providing income.
Give her your complete trust and respect. A good relationship depends on it. She needs freedom; a caged bird cannot be forced to love her master.
If she tells you she’s going to visit a friend, don’t question it, just tell her that you love her, to be safe, and ask when she’ll be back.
Never criticize her in public, in the presence of your family or friends, or in front of your children. Those issues are personal and should be kept completely private. And she is NOT your “Old Lady”.
Be a gentleman, open doors for her, including her car door. Show her that she is trusted and respected. She, in turn, will be more likely to trust and respect you.
Share with her what is going on in your day-to-day life, at work, etc., and actively listen when she tells you about her day. It is amazing what each of you will learn about the other’s character. Women are very hard to read, you’ll need all the help that you can get.
Tell her “I Love You” every day, even if you are arguing. Those three words are far too easily spoken, so say them with meaning and conviction.
Compliment her often on how she looks, her cooking and other things she does to make your house a home. This is very important for building her self-esteem and confidence as a woman.
Learn her likes and dislikes. Avoid her dislikes, and give her the things she likes; clothes, flowers, jewelry, candy, special food, etc., on a regular basis - not just on her birthday and anniversary. Give her flowers and take her to a movie. Ask her out on a date. If she chooses to stay home to raise your children, you must watch the children often so that she can have time alone to do what she wants. You won’t regret it.
Do the things that you like to do. Go fishing, hunting, golfing, etc. Believe it or not, time apart makes a better relationship. Just make certain she never feels neglected because you’re playing too much. The best way to do that is talk to her. And never exclude her. Let her know that this is your personal time, but invite her along, showing her that she is welcome to share every aspect of your life. Besides, some girls like to hunt and fish, too.
Pamper her. Brushing her hair is a very sensuous way to do that. Or help her take a long, hot, soaking bath; she might even invite you into the tub. Another excellent idea is a head to foot body massage. All you need is some body oil and your bed. A back massage is very therapeutic and sensuous. A frontal massage is also very enjoyable; it doesn’t matter whether you start at her head and work down or at her feet and work up, it is a true delight. But if you’re goal is to soothe her sore muscles, give her a back massage. A frontal massage is very therapeutic, but you’ll probably only get halfway done - with the massage, that is.
When you make love, always treat her tenderly, but put everything you’ve got into satisfying her. And after your orgasm, the lovemaking is NOT over! Make it your goal to give her multiple orgasms ever time you make love. Remember that a female can have an unlimited number of orgasms (lucky gals) and her orgasms last much longer than yours, too. At the moment of her orgasm, hold, kiss and caress her and it will sustain her pleasure, sometimes for several minutes or more. It’s an amazing thing to experience. Soon, you will learn that giving her pleasure is by far the most delightful part of lovemaking. And you will not regret it.
Allow her complete control over your home. You may be the king of your domain, but she is the queen of your castle. For all intents and purposes, your home is her nest. Help her, participate in household duties, be a father to your children, but allow her to make the decisions concerning the daily aspects of maintaining your home. This shows that you trust her and gives her pride in herself and her home. And she is NOT your “Old Lady”!
Share the duties of running the budget. Let her know that she is the most important person in your life and that you need her help to manage the finances. One of you may be the only one that does the arithmetic and the bookkeeping, but disagreement about money is one of the biggest killers of relationships. Discuss your finances. Set goals, make a budget and stick to it. Each of you should have a small amount set aside as personal funds to spend as you please, but discuss all expenditures from the main budget so there are never any surprises.
DO NOT marry if you’re not in love. It is not fair to her, it is not fair to you and it will not be fair to your children.
If she becomes pregnant, support her and provide for her. Be there for her when your child is born and provide support for her and the child afterward. Be available and try your best to be a good father to your child, just don’t live together and don’t marry unless you truly love her.
Living this kind of lie is almost impossible, especially if you love someone else. Small things, annoyances that you would be willing to overlook in someone that you love, will become big issues in a relationship of convenience. And the big issues will be almost impossible to resolve.
It is continually stressful and depressing. You can easily sink into depression so deeply that you contemplate suicide just to escape the relationship.
Even if you can take the stress and depression, eventually it will cause intense resentment toward one another, especially if she becomes difficult to live with due to attitude changes from PMS or menopause, or one of you develops psychological issues that are far more common than most people realize, or other serious health issues.
You may like her and be sexually attracted to her, but it takes loving each other to get thorough the tough times. As difficult as it may be, if you don’t love her, tell her so and move on, preferably before you have sex.
And, when you find the one you truly love, give thanks each day for that precious gift. There are many who will never know the joy with which you have been blessed. Never take it for granted.
©2011 James A Graves, Jr.
Web Site: James A Graves, Jr.
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|Reviewed by Marion Dollar
|James, I do not mean to be mean or derogatory in any manner however, writing, even though you may enjoy it, isn't your strong suit is it? Your tendency to ramble and repeat yourself caused me to lose interest in your article. You have good ideas and approaches to explaining them, you just need to learn good sentence structure and creative writing. Don't take this personal.|