Back in December 2008 I was sitting on my deck in the shade working and writing, enjoying the most delightfully hot steamy Queensland day. This is how it played out:
“The waves are lapping gently on the concrete retaining wall as the tide is almost fully high. I have soft relaxation music playing in the back ground. My plants around me are smiling in grace and beauty and in being naturally who they are.
The air is peaceful and a gentle breeze carries the voices of nature, birds calling in the distance, the occasional boat engine and every so often a splash as a fish breaches close by: Butterflies dancing on the flowers in my herb garden.
Do I feel blessed? How could I not? The beauty of this moment is the appreciation of where I am and what I am doing right here and now. This is my preference out of anything else I might be doing, this is what I choose and am blessed to be able to experience this way of being.
The key here is that I recognize this feeling as something I carry with me throughout my day in any circumstance and environment. Sure there are times when it is less apparent but I know the underlying theme of my life is the feeling of perfection, of being in the right place at the right time with the right people no matter where, when and who.”
So now – more than 2 years on: I realize over the last three months my life has faced its share of life challenges and these were all instigated by my thoughts and feelings. Throughout all the trials and tribulations I still have this knowing of the perfection of being exactly where I need to be - experiencing all that I need to do and trusting myself to be myself. This is life!
I am the creator of this life with my thoughts and feelings.
“What I choose in this moment creates the next experience becomes this moment and I choose and create, perpetually. This is my life. I create it!" - Jen Hall
So which are first, thoughts or feelings: That’s kind of like the chicken and egg question to me and I know there are varying opinions?
There are a couple of important insights here worth sharing.
During this recent time when my thoughts were filled with doubt of where my life is heading and “am I the one who could do this?”, “do I have the skills?”, “will I make enough money?”, “am I clever enough?”, “too old?”, “will I be accepted?” ……………………. On and on the questions raged in my head. We’ve all got mental clutter happening.
Throughout my life I have been there before, with this demolition derby plaguing my brain cells and sending my neurons into a head spin. I have experienced amazing results of reflections of my thinking to the point of having been suicidal in the distant past. At those times I have created all kinds of happenings like physical blindness, infertility, loss and death of family, immobility, violence, financial losses, two divorces and the depths of depression serious enough for me to want out.
I have of course experienced the flip side too enjoying the blessings of 2 amazing husbands who are great teachers of very powerful life lessons, 3 beautiful children whom I adore, the blessing of seeing 2 of them blossom into young adults I am proud to know. My life has been the most amazing travel log and I have been blessed with many career opportunities worldwide doing what I love from Hairdressing to Teaching to Coaching/Facilitation Writing and many things in between. I also had the magical experience of being there on the deck that day in 2008 in the most beautiful peaceful environment. All these joys and wonders also powerfully created by myself.
I am a powerful creator don't you think?
Now my experience of life has a different quality about it and I’d like to share with you my perception of the differences. The difference is in feelings, not so much thoughts. You see I still have those old tapes running around my head, teasing me and playing tag with my brain cells. Granted they are much less prevalent than in the past. The important key to this is my feelings. There is a part of me that knows without doubt and has seen with an open heart the blessings of my life and all things I have experienced: So much so that I am so grateful to have experienced all these events: Sincere gratitude being a feeling of love and appreciation from the heart and not mental lip service of the mind.
One of the most topical discussions in the last few years is Universal Laws and how they relate to humanity, in particular the Law of Attraction.
The public has been tempted with this concept of “we can have everything we want in this world we have only to ask”. Is that so? How many of you have put in the efforts, created the vision boards, walked the talk bought the lottery tickets etc and still no result?
My question to you is: What are your feelings behind your request. Are your feelings of gratitude and abundance? Are they of longing? Perhaps they are of fear and desperation. Or do they come from acceptance and understanding? Did you realize you are experiencing exactly what you are asking for in some form? Your requests are based on the powerful feelings accompanying your thoughts.
The power of clichés is quite amazing. We often use them off handedly without much thought for the deeper meanings behind the simple words and phrases. Here is one that comes to mind - the great old favourite song of “Row Row Row Your Boat”. How many of us have really stopped to understand the power of the words? Bruce Sullivan (Author of Hannah’s Christmas Gift and Master of Work/Life balance) once opened my eyes to the power of the meaning behind the little ditty.
My interpretation of what he said is “Row Row Row your boat” is to keep at it, don’t give up, and keep on keeping on. “Gently down the stream”, do we really have to go at life like a bull at a gate? Perhaps we can be gentle with ourselves and others on the journey and relieve the pressure valve. “Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily”, Can we enjoy the journey and take in our experiences – laugh along the way? “Life is but a dream”. Life’s an illusion we have created, we create our lives with our thoughts and feelings that are based in the illusion of our perception.
The most appropriate cliché coming to mind I could apply to my life is “Every cloud has a silver lining”. There are many other applicable and this is one I could choose for the moment.
My clouds have been my driving force for survival; they have shown me many things about myself and others. Without the challenges how would I know how it feels to encounter all these different illusions and come out the other side? I have learned why I am here and how I can achieve my greatest purpose of helping others to see the beauty of who they really are.
Before I knew to look for the silver linings I let the clouds (my negative thoughts) overshadow my existence and create darkness, doom and destruction: All my own doing. One of the blessings in acknowledging the lessons in life is taking responsibility for creating all my experiences, the clouds as well as the silver linings.
I had lemons and through awareness I made the sweetest lemonade!
I travelled with the law of attraction as my buddy for many years consciously creating my dreams, hopes and wishes and whilst I acknowledged those obvious successes, I couldn’t understand “why so many dark storm clouds, why the sourest of lemons”. In the course of my studies over the last 15 years I came to know that the feelings underneath my thoughts were the attracting factor and not the thoughts by themselves. You see I am always creating and always attracting. The Law of Attraction never ceases to operate.
I realized when I have the feelings of love and gratitude in my awareness, magnificent abundance of my life is self-evident in all its forms. I cannot always have what I “think” I want but I can always manifest the feelings of abundance, love and gratitude by where I place my attention. And then guess what? I get more than I need or could ever hope for that fulfills my heart’s desire.
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." - Epictetus
So back to the last few months where the old doubts and questioning came to mind of my worthiness and abundance.
Once again: Do I feel blessed? How could I not? The beauty of this moment is the appreciation of where I am and what I am doing right here and now. This is my preference out of anything else I might be doing, this is what I choose and am blessed to be able to experience this way of being.
I am aware of this underlying feeling of blessings and gratitude for all that was, is and will be; I know that my heart is opening more to new realities I create every day. Realities where I choose to give from my heart, see with my heart, hear with my heart, and receive with my heart. Most of all I accept me as I am: My scars have become beautiful etchings, my negative traits have been acknowledged for the powerful awakening force they are, and they are balanced with the awareness of my inner beauty, and my fear has become balanced with the awareness of love and gratitude I have for life in all its forms.