This an article for people who are going through challenging situations such as losing your house in an inferno or having your car damaged in an accident. How do you deal with such issues?
All of us have at one point or another, experienced different situations in our lives: others uplifting and others challenging. I have no problem with the uplifting times; it is the challenging times in our lives that make us or break us. It is the mishaps that befall us that can make us lose direction or can propel us to higher heights. How do you react when something tragic occurs? That may reveal your true character.
Before I proceed I wish to promise you that I won’t use big words to get my point across but will use very simple and clear English. In this article a mishap may be called a tragedy, a catastrophe, calamity, disaster, adversity and the list goes on. I will use any of the listed words to mean the same thing.
I would like us to dwell on how to handle these mishaps from the mental and physical perspective, in other words, how to get back up again every time you fall, because if we can defeat what has befallen us in the mind, we can defeat it in the physical as well. I am not talking about your failure to reach some of your goals or you failing an exam because I do not regard them as mishaps.I am talking about how to deal with situations that are demoralizing, mind shattering such as being diagnosed with cancer or HIV or having your priceless motor vehicle being damaged in a road accident. Am also talking about situations like; going home late in the night only to find the place ransacked by thieves and losing all your precious furniture and electronic gadgets. Or worse still, watching your expensive house you toiled to build burn up in flames. Anyway, God forbid that such things should happen to you, but these are daily situations that happen every day to regular people like you and me.
How do you react to such situations? Do you shed tears, giggle, scream or throw up tantrums?
How would you respond? Would you hold a pity party or would you get yourself together and strategise or does your life come to a stand still? You will agree with me that many of life’s problems need money to solve them. My research indicates that ninety percent of life’s problems need a money related solution.
Here is what happened to me recently, one morning my wife woke me up and said the car bonnet was open. I knew almost immediately that I had been robbed. The car was looted by thieves in the night. They got away with a battery, a spare wheel, a jack, and car speakers including an FM modulator. I laughed out as if someone had just tickled me. Later in the day, I lost a relative. As if that was not enough, I changed the parking place this time and took the vehicle to my sisters’ place instead. The following day I sent a boy who helps my family with household chores to pick up the car from my sister’s house. Instead of bringing the car home, he went to pose in it and show off and later rammed into a wall fence. The car got damaged and the wall fence partially collapsed. Worse still, on the same day, I lost another relative and I did not have funds on me for any of these calamities. All this happened within twenty four hours. I know what you are thinking...... How did I act in response? Here are my 6 practical steps in dealing with personal mishaps.
Accept The Bitter Reality
At first instance, the occurrence of a tragedy may look as if you are in a dream world but when you go to sleep and wake up you will find the bitter reality looking at you. And then you try to pinch yourself to see whether you will feel the pain and ouch!!!! You do; it’s real. How can you get over what has happened?
The first step to defeating the effects of any mishap is to accept that what has happened is real and can never be changed but its impact can be curbed by remaining cool, calm and collected. The one word I would like to mention here is acceptance. Acceptance is a powerful tool that can reduce the impact of a mishap or calamity. Accepting the bitter reality is a weapon that can and should be used in order to begin winning the battle against any tragedy. What may happen if you deny the bitter reality? People that suffer from denial usually suffer discontentment, heart attacks and strokes and usually die prematurely. I wouldn’t want your life to end that way.
Never Allow Mishaps To Dictate Your Happiness Or Destiny
Life is too unpredictable to be miserable. All of us know that life is in seasons, there are both good times and bad times. During good times celebrate as if your life depends on them and during bad situations, cry if you have to but pick yourself up and determine to make things happen. It’s not easy to do it but you can. Never should you allow life’s challenging episodes to disturb your gladness, because your future depends on the choices you make today. So, make a deliberate choice not to be depressed by life’s adversities. It’s not easy to remain focussed but make your mind up that I won’t be distressed by this mishap. I did not allow the above scenario to bring me down. I defeated it mentally and moved on.
No Situation In Life Is Permanent
Tell yourself that I am GOING THROUGH this challenge or whatever you might call it. NO situation in life is PERMANENT, not even your success. Not even your life is. Not even your health is. Therefore, we shouldn’t take anything in life for granted. Do not even take life itself for granted.
What if you lose all your life’s possessions? So what? Cry if you can but get yourself back together and move on. You may not have the finances to move on physically but move on mentally. Never be depressed by the mishap. The future has a lot of great things in store for you. Do not cry over spilt milk or say I wish I knew... I wish I did this or that. Move on. Laugh about it if you have to, cry if you have to but be brief. Tell yourself that what I am going through is temporal and can only become permanent if I allow it to be. You may not have the money but hey money isn’t everything, your attitude is. And it is your attitude that counts in times such as these.
Do Something Practical
A story was told to me of a man who started building a dwelling house near a water logged area. As per instruction, he needed more cement in the building works. However, the man was too busy to monitor the day to day building activities. Little did he know that the bricklayers were in the habit of selling some pockets of cement.
Progress was excellent but the workmanship was substandard; so he fired the workmen. He called in another guy to do the roofing, unfortunately the guy declined as he cited the poor state of the walls. He called in another handyman and the roof was laid without delay. What happened the following day baffled this man; he found the walls had collapsed and the asbestos roofing sheets had broken.
The question you might have is; how did this man react? How could you have reacted? The man broke down and wept uncontrollably. He later sold the site off. He simply gave up and moved on. What do we learn from this scenario? It doesn’t really matter what catastrophe has befallen you; never lose your focus.
Never give up and move on BUT get up and move on doing the same thing that beat you to the canvass. This man should have started re-building the house. There must have been a lot of lessons he must have learnt from the mishap. Only a fool can not learn lessons from a mishap. Very true ; there are always lessons to learn in any mishap.
Rather than concentrating or dwelling on what has happened, come up with a way out faster than your resources can allow. Act almost immediately, I took the car to the panel beaters and left the owners of the wall fence surprised because I told them I was too happy to be downcast by the calamity. Life is too short to be miserable. Life’s possessions may mean a lot to us but we shouldn’t attach our happiness to them.
Avoid Negative People
When something heartbreaking has occurred to you and you are disheartened, the worst thing you can ever put up with is a negative person scoffing at you. Imagine such word; I told you not to do this or that! You should have heeded my advice. Have you seen what has happened to you now? Imagine hearing such words in reality. You, know what am talking about. Never share any personal mishaps with such people. Beware of who you confide in because many people would be happy that you are going through the mishaps that have befallen you. Therefore, it is wise to keep the details of mishaps to your self and deal with them alone. I would suggest that if you are not emotionally strong; seek professional counsel from a psychologist or a practical motivational speaker who practices what they preach.
Have A Funny Real Life Tale To Tell
After all has been said and done, it is always important to look back and laugh at the mishaps and expect better things in life and that doesn’t mean mishaps may not pop their ugly noses in your life ever. Never cheat yourself that it’s over. As long as you are living means a mishap may happen one day or another but always remember not to freak out or do something you may sooner than later regret. Never forget that life’s mishaps come to teach us a few lessons. After we have learned our lessons, we need to look back and joke about how funny the episode was.
“One of the greatest achievements in my life has not been the ability to attain my goals or the academic qualifications , my greatest success has been my being able to stand up when I fallagain and again ,when I fail a hundred times I rise a thousand times”Elijah Chioyeni Miti