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Tina B Tessina

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Member Since: Mar, 2001

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Books
· The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While Youíre Far Apart

· Money, Sex and Kids:

· It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

· How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free

· The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve S

· The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40

· The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again

· The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make AFTER Forty


Articles
· Dear Dr. Romance: I was always wrong

· JEALOUSY, FAITHFULNESS AND DISTANCE

· Dear Dr. Romance: I'm married but I love somebody else

· Dear Dr. Romance: I have never put up with any crap until this one came alo

· Dr. Romance on The Right Way to Love

· Watch Out for Bad Relationship Habits

· Dear Dr. Romance: I am considering being a licensed psychotherapist

· Dear Dr. Romance: I am not sexually as attracted to him as I'd like to be

· How to Cope with Toxic Friendships

· Dear Dr. Romance: I can't decide if she's as in to me as I am her


Poetry
· The Shape of Peace

· Inspiration

· Eternal Dance - Christmas 2005

· On Mitch and Jackieís engagement

· On love

· Bitter lesson

· Redemption

· ANGELS IN DISGUISE

· Storytellers

· Vessels

         More poetry...
Tina B Tessina, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

I wasn't in love with this guy, I was in love with the illusion of being in love

Dear Dr. Romance:

THANK YOU so much for this dating tip! My girlfriend sent me your article "You Be The Judge" yesterday. I needed this. I dated this African guy for 4 months, 3 weeks in which we were actually together, and I was always upset and let-downed. Always, his way, his culture. He constantly made me feel I was doing something wrong because I didn't agree or go along with him. He was too prideful and never humbled himself. I was always wrong. It was always my fault I felt miserable.

I stop dating him, then on my birthday a month later, while out with my friends at my birthday party, having a great time, and feeling like a princess, I broke down and called him later that night, after he got off from work. Lord, why in the HECK did I do that?! Expecting things to be different after a month a part. Again, after just two weeks, he let me down, borrowed money from me and I saw him out with another girl, in which I confronted him. To make a long story short, I got my money back and I don't ever, ever plan on going back there again.

You know what bothers me the most, why did I decide to call him back after a month when I was doing so good? I mean, I missed him, but I was getting stronger again. But wait, Why did I initially start to date him, when during our very first conversation, I knew he wasn't the person for me? Why do I give people chances who don't deserve chances? Sometimes I feel like a weak, pathetic loser.

I went to feeling like a princess on my birthday to crap the days after. My birthday is suppose to be a milestone. I'm hurt because I can't make "right" decisions for my life. When it comes to men, I'm still dealing with crap I was dealing with 10 years ago. I feel like I haven't grown. I want to grow, I start off healing myself, then I relapsed -- like an alcoholic.

I am going to order your book, It Ends With You   but I must say, I have many, many self-help books in my library. Again your advice, was great! One thing I've realized, I wasn't in love with this guy, I was in love with the illusion of being in love -- if you can understand that. The fantasy, as you put it.

Dear Reader:

I'm so glad the article was helpful. I know you'll benefit from It Ends With You. The reason you're stuck in a repeated pattern is that you learned it early, and you have to understand how to go back there in your mind and change your beliefs about men. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help you do that. "Patterns of Change" will also help. Best of luck to you.

IEWY new cover

 

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina.tinatessina.com

Web Site Dr. Romance Blog
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Reviewed by Tina Tessina 5/19/2015
You're right, Ron. It is not romance. But, when you grow up with bad examples, that's the idea you have. It does take patience to help people overcome their blind spots, but it's also rewarding. Thanks for writing.
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 5/19/2015
Codependent behavior is not romance. Why so many think it is, is beyond me. I guess that's why I'm not a life coach or therapist like you. I don't have the patience to deal with repeated bad behavior and the ability to learn the difference.

Ron

Books by
Tina B Tessina



The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make AFTER Forty

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Money, Sex and Kids:

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Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While Youíre Far Apart

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..




It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..




How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..


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