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Tina B Tessina

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· The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While Youíre Far Apart

· Money, Sex and Kids:

· It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

· How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free

· The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve S

· The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40

· The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again

· The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make AFTER Forty

· Dear Dr. Romance: My girlfriend doesn't think she can handle this relations

· Getting Along With Each Other

· Dr. Romance on: It's a Dirty Job: Use the Silly Solution for a Healthy Rela

· When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships

· Dear Dr. Romance: What I fear has happened the second time round

· Dear Dr. Romance: Are there dating guidelines for single parents?

· Resolving Inner Anarchy

· Dear Dr. Romance: It seems to be going in a circle.

· Dr. Romance asks: Are the Post-Holiday Blues getting you down?

· Dear Dr. Romance: How Do I Stop My Husband's Ex-Wife from Smothering Their

· The Shape of Peace

· Inspiration

· Eternal Dance - Christmas 2005

· On Mitch and Jackieís engagement

· On love

· Bitter lesson

· Redemption


· Storytellers

· Vessels

         More poetry...
Tina B Tessina, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Dr. Romance answers a reader who writes about broken promises and the problems they cause.

Dear Dr. Romance:

My story will probably sound like a thousand others you've heard, but I am in desperate need of some answers. I am in my fifties, my wife is a few years younger. My wife had a hysterectomy about 15 years ago, so menopause is not likely part of this equation. As you are probably guessing, a large part of our problem has to do with the lack of intimacy and sex. We had talks about this a few different times, and
she would promise to do better. "Better" never happened, and I became frustrated.

In February of this year, I began an extramarital affair with a married woman who was not getting the attention she needed at home either, plus her husband has been abusive to her. I know her husband, as I worked at the same place with him a few years back, and I can see how he could easily be that way. As time progressed, we developed very strong feelings for each other, far beyond friendship, intimacy, and sex. We both decided to leave our respective marriages, and to be together. We made plans, got an apartment, bought furniture, she moved her grammarschool age son into the school district near the apartment, so on and so forth.

Last Thursday, I told my wife of my intentions, and I moved out. The lady I am seeing is living with me at this time. I do care deeply for this woman, but the guilt of what I have done to my wife is eating me alive. Yesterday, I told my girlfriend about what I was feeling, and that I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle all of this. Naturally, she was very upset and distraught over the possibility that I could be having second thoughts. It would be virtually impossible for her to go back home, because of the past circumstances, and she is not really able to support herself on her own. There would be no child support, as her son is from a rape she experienced prior to being married. I did promise her that I would follow through on this, and I'm sure at least part of her decision to leave her husband was based on having the security that I would provide. I don't know if the uncertainty I am feeling about all of this is due to guilt, part of a natural grieving process, or if I am having second thoughts. If I go back home to my wife, I feel that she would take me back, provided that we would go through some serious counseling. 

If I leave this woman I am with, I will feel terrible about not keeping the promises that I made to her, and leaving her in a position to where she couldn't now take care of herself. To make matters worse, her mother, who has been very domineering to her over the years, was very much against her making this decision, and she says she could not bear having to face that, if I left. I suppose that I've
gotten myself into a fine mess here, but I bet I'm not the first or only one who ever has. I have been married to my wife for almost 30 years, and outside the intimacy and sex issue, there have never been any real problems between us. I am a religious person, believe it or not, and have been praying diligently for some help and guidance. Before you suggest it, I really don't think that I would feel comfortable going to my pastor about this. Is there any advice that you can give me? I'm desperate. Thanks in advance

Dear Reader:

Whether you go to your pastor or someone else, you need to get counseling, all by yourself, before you make any more decisions. You are ruining lives here, yours and everyone else's. You are emotionally immature, and your lover doesn't seem to be much more mature. There's a child's life involved as well. You are obsessed with sex, and it's running all your decisions, which means they are bad ones. There's already been a lot of irreparable damage.

"Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will show you how to find a local counselor and make an appointment right away. You need someone objective to help you sort out this mess. "You be the Judge" will help you understand how to use your judgment in making decisions.

In the meantime, It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction has the information you need to become more emotionally mature and learn to make better decisions.

IEWY new cover



For low-cost counseling, email me at

Web Site Dr. Romance Blog

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Books by
Tina B Tessina

The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make AFTER Forty

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Money, Sex and Kids:

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Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While Youíre Far Apart

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Signed copy!
Amazon, more..

It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

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Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again

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Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..

How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, more..

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  16. Merry Christmas from Dr. Romance!
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  18. Seniors with Seniors
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  20. Dr. Romance on Staying Young

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