It use to be Global Warming, remember?. The earth was burning up, polar bears were dying in mass from heat prostration, the polar ice caps were melting and coastal cities were being submerged,,,, all due to carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. What was it … ten years before we all cooked to death?
Now I know that Al Gore is not a crook, a flim flam man, scam artist or conman or blithering idiot, After all, he invented the Internet.. and won a Nobel Prize to boot. I also know that he and a lot of other crooks were planning on making zillions out the “Global Warming Crisis“. Well, it turns out that earth isn‘t really getting warmer, it‘s actually getting colder. Thus, Internet Al, bright guy that he is, changed Global Warming Crisis to Climate Change Crisis. He‘s right! Climate change is caused by C02 emissions. ‘I know because I’ve seen it on TV and even the Hollywood Celebes agree. . Hence, it is obvious that there is not enough CO2 in the atmosphere to keep us from freezing to death. I estimate that we have less than ten years before the earth becomes one big ball of ice. That’s right folks, It won’t be long before frost destroys our crops and the great famine begins. In fact, soon people in Florida will be eaten by polar bears in their own back yards. But we still have time (very little) to fix the crisis. Hence, I ‘m joining with Al in proposing global crap and trade to solve the crisis .
Here’s how it will work…
First we tax the crap of businesses and homeowners who aren’t burning enough fossil fuels. Then we give to the tax money to Al and his buddies for helping organize the effort.
Next we give tax credits to all businesses (including nuclear power plants) who convert to coal.
Home owners with low carbon heating source emissions will be taxed weekly. However, they can offset some of the tax by burning old car tires in their backyards.
Next Goldman Sachs and a few other select financial institutions will establish a “Old Car and Truck Tire Exchange “(OCTTE) . This will allow businesses who can’t meet their carbon emission quotas to purchase old tires for dollars in mass and distribute them to poor people who can burn them in the streets. The poor people, organized by Acorn ,( at a small cost to the tax payer) will in turn receive carbon disbursement certificates that they can sell back to businesses through the OCTTE for cash, or trade in for a shovel ready job.
The next step is mandatory cigarette smoking for all individuals over the age of ten. (every little bit counts). All no smoking signs will immediately be replaced with “Smoke Here-NOW!” signs.
The next step after that is to mandate that all non-government owned auto manufactures (I guess that would be Ford, right?) immediately convert all four stroke engine production to smokey two cycle engine production and install same in all newly manufactured vehicles.
The final step will be to establish a national organization of Highly Educated American Thugs consisting of Nationally Authorized Zealous Individual Snides or HEAT NAZIS for short. This national police force will not only throw beatings on people who don‘t comply with government mandates, but will also insure that those poor people don’t steal good tires off the cars in the street.
It's too bad that God didn't think of this... If he did he’d probably still be in charge of the weather.