Mystery of the Folding Ear (article) by Lisa Adams on AuthorsDen

As if turning forty was not enough.... Last night, a mystery of the universe blasted into my slumber quite unexpectedly and woke me up with a pronounced, "Ouch, what the..." My right ear hurt like all heck. I immediately assumed the worse: brown recluse spider under cover of darkness, skin grafts, rotting skin, etc. I got a drink of water and waited for the throbbing to stop before going back to bed. And when the fat cat tried to climb onto my hip, I booted her out, too, wanting only to resume my REM state. But no, because it happened...again. This time, I figured it had to be something under my ear causing this agony, and so reached my hand under my ear. It was then I discovered the source of my discomfort: my ear had folded...in half, while I slept stressing the cartilage and making it hurt. Now I lapse into the full throes of a National Geographic cover moment on the signs and woes of aging. I have accepted the grays - they're kind of punk and take purple dye quite nicely, thank you very much. I accept that minis and fishnets are declasse (arguably at any age) but definitely now. I make appointments with surgeons before I even think of putting on a pair of four-inch spike-heels, and spandex is, was, and always should be...out. But this subtle bending of things that I know for a fact did not do this even two years ago freaks me out completely. What's next? Ass sagging? Stomach pooching? Holeeeee I am in the toilet. I MUST do something. Sag-ear is dreadful, ick. I bet this is a new aging syndrome: Sag Ear Irrititis. Botox might fix it. But Botox is dreadful - WHY would anyone sane inject one of the most toxic substances on the planet into themselves anywhere to paralyze muscles to avoid a wrinkle? BUT that mucilage glue we used as kids is seeming mighty useful as a Sag Ear preventative measure. Oh shoot, and are the lobes sagging, too? I bet they are. Next year, they'll be calling me little Buddha. Ok, I am chucking the earrings, really. This is too much. I knew those damned stones would cause the decline of western civilization and the drooping of my ears. Eventually, I got over my aging moment while pinching the skin on the back of my hand to see if it stands up rather than snapping back (it still snaps back, thank you very much) and went back to bed. But now each night I sort of, well, arrange my ear on the pillow so as to avoid foldage. I try visualizing snappy ears, but so far, no luck....sigh. I think I'll try sleeping on my back. Until then, cheers to Father Time, for he has deifnitely paid me a visit and taught me a lesson I suspect I will never get over.

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