Me? . . . Plumbing? (article) by Mary Terzian on AuthorsDen

Female caught in thejaws of plumbing problem One a.m. Plop!...Plop!...Plop! In the silence of the night this constant beat disturbs my sleep. I turn over. Maybe it will stop. Two a.m. Plop!...Plop!...Plop! I get up and close the bathroom door. Four a.m. Plop!...Plop!...Plop! �No, I can�t sleep! It�s the d... faucet again! I just had it fixed two months ago! There goes my paycheck. Those plumbers� hourly wages beat mine to the double! Oh my God! The house is being flooded! Look at those plumbers� bills floating! I�ll take care of this... I�ll take care of this...I�m sinking!� An ambulance siren shrieks the air. Oh, no, it�s the alarm clock. �D... I overslept again�. I meet the stern looks of the boss half-awake. I confide the reason for my tardiness to a male colleague. �Don�t worry. It maybe just an old washer�. Well, O.K. I can manage that. On my way home I stop by a hardware store, not the best place to boost the feminine ego. I cross five aisles before I locate the proper area. �What year was your faucet installed, ma�am?� �I don�t know�. �What brand is it?� �I don�t know.� �Can you show me what it looks like?� �I really don�t remember.� �Ma�am, is it sink or wall mounted?� �I don�t know� I shoot out of the store like a bat from hell before another �I don�t know� knocks off all vestiges of self-confidence. Can�t he see I am a woman? Did he have to drill on my incompetence? I attach a string to the faucet to provide the drops with a softer landing - old country habits surviving high-tech. Cool down you fool, you can handle it. Just study the fixture and go back to the hardware store. (No, I can�t, especially after that episode. I never did plumbing in my life!). You�d better learn! This is a hazard of single parenthood. (Stop pushing. I�m trying!) Washer in hand, I am back, ready for any question now. Nevertheless, I look for another salesman, one who is unaware of my �I don�t know�s. �My faucet is leaking. Can you tell me what�s the problem?� �You may need a new washer.� �All right. Here�s the old one. Where can I find something like it?� The salesman studies it under my glow of �I know it all�. �Lady, you can�t do it. This type of faucet needs a special tool.� �Thank you.� The glow is short-circuited. A special tool, eh! A special tool. How am I going to handle this? Is it worthwhile spending money on a special tool? Darn! I�ll need a plumber now. Oh! Let the water run. At this rate I�m ahead of the game even if it runs three months, then what? Maybe calling a professional is not such a bad idea. The string has come loose. So will my heart. The drops are becoming more assertive by the minute: PLOP! PLOP! PLOP! Shut up for Heaven�s sake! Oh! That�s a good idea. Shut off the main. Ten minutes later a shrill voice pierces the air: �Ma, there�s no water in the shower!� Another sleepless night. �Good morning, you look tired.� �Yes, I am. The leak in my bathroom kept me awake.� �Yeah? You know some of these old faucets need special tools. Have you reworked your report yet?� Obviously there isn�t a lot of empathy for me in this office. I work half-heartedly. I don�t even want to go home. By now the water drops are beating the sink and my heartbeats to the same tune. The telephone rings. An acquaintance is on the line. We chitchat. I am milk and honey, but pen and ink don�t fix a sink! Unless...my feminine charms are sinking too. I turn to family. My cousin is my last bastion of independence. After the unceremonious �how do you do�s I plunge into it: �George, I have a leaking faucet in the upstairs bathroom, how should I fix it?� �Don�t worry about it. I�ll come over sometime and fix it. That one needs a special tool.� �Some time� in my cousin�s parlance may mean any time within the next six months. The guy is an avid believer in manana. In the meantime the beat is turning into a roar while the paycheck is not earning dividends. Forget it! �Golden Service Plumbing? I have a leaky faucet. When can you fix it?� �We can send someone in the afternoon ma�am.� �What time?� �We don�t know, ma�am, some time in the afternoon.� �I work during the day. Can he come after five?� �There will be a surcharge of $20 per hour�. �Let me think it over.� One hour at a minimum of $65, plus $20, plus transportation time, plus hidden expenses will inflate the bill to $120. Forget it shark, I�d better buy this tool, the watchamacallit. I�d better buy the whole store! I can�t stand this beat for another night. �Ma�am, that faucet needs a special tool.� �O.K. I�ll buy the tool. How much is it?� �Three dollars.� �Three dollars?� The salesman hands me an Allen key while I am still gaping in shock! A special tool, eh! A special tool! Two sleepless nights with nightmares, sleeping pills and self-confidence drills, three trips to the hardware store, time away from the company for personal calls, all this for a lousy three dollar gadget and ten minutes� work. Now that I have learned all about Allens, Phillipses and Jacks, hear ye ladies! (and gentlemen too!) - Face your problems. They loom larger than you think. - Drop your needle and thread. Pick up tools instead. - Believe in yourself. If you can handle a pen, you can handle an Allen key. - Forget what your mother taught you or didn�t. It�s a different world now. - Include a toolbox in your trousseau. Does anybody need a plumber? I�ll only charge $40 an hour. Heck, I�ll never make that kind of money behind a desk.
Web Site	Me? . . . Plumbing?
f