Emotional Infidelity: Top 10 Signs of Emotional Infidelity
edited: Saturday, January 05, 2008
By Stephany Alexander
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, May 15, 2007
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Emotional Infidelity: Top 10 Signs of Emotional Infidelity and how to deal with it
Emotional infidelity is the new fad on the internet and is appropriately entitled “cyber cheating.” Many homes have one to two computers making it easy to carry on an emotional affair without the other partner ever knowing. It's convenient, cheap and fun! A person can learn a lot about an internet stranger by communicating through a few emails, texts or chats, all without the embarrassment of meeting in person.
The sharing of personal information with strangers online is commonplace on the internet. Personal details are shared on chat boards, personal websites, blogs, message boards and porn sites.
Emotional infidelity is an infidelity that occurs through emotions, feelings or thoughts, rather than physical in nature. With the increase in technology through the internet and cell phones, the traditional term of infidelity has become broader to include thoughts and/or feelings. Emotional infidelity can include anything from texting someone intimately via cell phone to emailing intimate correspondence, exchanging personal photos or viewing pornography.
According to an on-going infidelity poll of over 1,000 women conducted by http://www.WomanSavers.com, 51 percent of women believe that viewing porn is emotional cheating. In a similar WomanSaver’s poll, 63 percent of all women felt that online affairs constituted infidelity
The main difference between physical infidelity and emotional infidelity is physical contact. Physical infidelity involves people meeting directly and then engaging in physical intimacy. Emotional infidelity can occur in distant locations with absolutely no physical contact occurring. The primary difference between traditional cheating and emotional infidelity is actual, physical contact. With emotional infidelity, there may be a meeting, but it can occur on a cell phone or a computer.
Some people who emotionally cheat don’t consider the act to be a true form of infidelity because there is no physical contact. Others see no difference between physical and emotional infidelity because emotional infidelity has the same basic behavioral actions as traditional infidelity
When actor Brad Pitt became emotionally involved with Angelina Jolie on the set of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” it was only a matter of time before their emotional infidelity led to physical infidelity, resulting in a divorce between he and Jennifer Anniston. When a person cheats, they flirt and seduce another regardless of whether they are in physical contact or not. The problem results when the partner pays emotional or physical attention to someone other than their mate.
In another relationship poll conducted by http://www.WomanSavers.com, over 70 percent of all women felt that emotional affairs could lead to physical affairs. An emotional affair can begin quite innocently and as time passes the information two people exchange becomes more intimate. As the trust factor increases, so does the curiosity, which many times ends up in a physical meeting.When a person is not getting their emotional needs met in a relationship, they seek it from someone who will give it to them.
All people want to be loved, acknowledged, validated and needed. Humans want to be desired. If those needs aren't getting met through their partner, they go online and find someone who meets their needs and begin cyber cheating. There are plenty of strangers online who will fulfill those needs, especially if deceit is involved. Many people lie to the online strangers in order to get the attention they think they deserve. The person may tell the stranger how mean and distant their partner is so the stranger feels pity for them. Many married people tell online strangers they are “separated” or “divorcing” when this is far from the truth
With the ease of meeting new people through the internet and through various communication devices, the number of people engaged in emotional infidelity and cyber cheating will increase. However, it is important for the parties engaging in the communications to consider the consequences and pain these acts may have on their partner. A good way to determine what is and what is not acceptable is to ask yourself if you would be okay with your partner engaging in the same type of behavior with another. If the answer is no, then you should definitely back off because emotional infidelity can hurt just as deeply as physical unfaithfulness.
The following behavioral signs are the top 10 signs of emotional infidelity. If any of these ring a bell in regards to your relationship, perhaps you are not as close to your partner as you should be.
1. You have little or no sex. Partner is always too busy or tired.
2. You have petty arguments.
3. You feel like you don’t have anything in common any more.
4. One of you is no longer attracted to the other.
5. Partner spends unusually long periods of time on cell phone or computer.
6. Partner suddenly becomes hypercritical about your appearance.
7. Partner becomes secretive or defensive when questioned about their behavior.
8. Partner loses interest in relationship or family activities.
9. Partner stays on computer very late at night after you have retired.
10. Partner secures their computer in a locked area or with passwords you don’t have access to.
If your relationship shows any of the above signs, it may be time to communicate with your partner to try to reconnect. If you don’t, this supposed casual “friendship” can quickly turn from cyber cheating into something more.
Talk to your partner and tell them what you need and want. Don’t be afraid to express your true feelings, including your insecurities and concerns. A loving mate will be understanding of your feelings and work through it with you. Tell your partner that you miss them and you need their devotion and attention. This will help reopen the communication channels.
Written by Infidelity Expert, Stephany Alexander, B.A., Author, Women's Speaker
Credentials: Stephany Alexander is the founder of www.WomanSavers.com, one of the most popular women's sites on the net (top 5%) receiving millions of hits per month.
* Founder - highest trafficked abused women's message board on the net
* Founder of Largest Online Database of Men in the World
* Author of 'Sex, Lies and the Internet,' A Survival Guide to Online Dating http://www.sexliesandtheinternet.com
* Infidelity expert on numerous talks shows and call-in radio shows
* Author of over 50 articles on online dating and relationships
* Author of 22 dating and relationship quizzes
* Internet Polling Expert on relationship and dating issues, surveying over 350,000 women in on-line polls
* Creator of 9 women's comedy cartoon e-cards, including one claymation
* Creator of 6 women's online games, one arcade quality
Ms. Alexander is frequently called on by the media as the nation's leading Infidelity Expert. Featured on: CNN, CBS, FOX, Sirius Satellite, KROQ, KIIS, Mike & Juliet Show, Good Day Las Vegas, Esquire Magazine, Wall Street Journal, NY Times, and countless radio shows.
Web Site: WomanSavers.com - World's Largest Database Rating Cheating and Abusive Men
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|Reviewed by Tanay Das
|Does your spouse compare you to friend(s) of the opposite sex often? Or do YOU feel as though your spouse could improve in the areas that your special friend excels? Comparing once or twice may not be a problem, but habitual comparison is a warning sign.|
|Reviewed by Victoria's Poetry & Voices of Muse
|Stephany, This is a very substantial article touching base on many troubled relationships. Your guide line signs are impecable advice. You have expressed here what what some people may see as very innocent to do, (cyber relationships) but it truly does destroy lives & loving off line relationships. People have moved from satisfying their selves with pornography to actual cyber sexing, and try to tell their self it is not infidelity. But it is because the persons are “live” & in real time through a chat cam. It’s astonishing how addicted to the net sexually some people are. They been doing it since the mid 90's! Can you believe such things?! Marriages are destroyed....The internet has a powerful emotional bonding for people through anonymity, and also fantasy...it is widely a new epidemic of infidelity. How can one get their spouse to stop? I enjoyed your article....
Peace, Love & Inspirations
|Reviewed by Aubrey Hammack
This is a very good article of which I agree.
|Reviewed by Giovanni Coleman (Reader)
|To some of you this may not be a big deal but my heart is broken.My wife and guy from a previous relationship thought cyber cheating was ok.It turned into actual cheating,he has even been to my home.I drive a truck for a living and I'm gone a lot during the week.We have had some ups and downs in our marriage but who does'nt.I stumbled upon information in writing as to the fact,even naked pictures she sent him of her.In one of the letters she told hime that (she can't remember when her life has had this much balance,I she have been your wife).This man has a family with children.I found all this out after receiving a call while on the road that my wife was arrested.This all happened a week ago and I still have not been able to go back to work.I really love my wife but we must go our seperate ways.This is the thanks I get for allowing her to stay home and not work so she could finish college online.I know one day my heart will heal.|
|Reviewed by Elizabeth Parsons
|I agree that if even one or two of the top ten listed here is occuring...you have a problem and need to talk to your partner honestly to find out what's going on.
I have a different take on this however: "about 51 percent of women believed that viewing porn was emotional cheating"
How ridiculous! What about all the steamy romances women read (erotic romance is the fastest growing literary market and they sell mostly to women)...or the steamy romance movies we watch? Or what about some of the male singers we watch and drool over? We certainly wouldn't want men condemning us for that, now would we? If a guy likes a little porn, who cares. I don't. Now if my husband were spending his time chatting to some strange woman online...that would be grounds for a head knocking.
|Reviewed by Autumn Past
Didn't know there was a name for it. I wonder when emotional infidelity will be one ground for a legal divorce.
Well written an informative article. Ever had it published?