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Dr. Ronald D. Bissell
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Self-Help

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Listen to Your Feelings and Change Your Life
By Dr. Ronald D. Bissell
Last edited: Saturday, September 21, 2002
Posted: Saturday, September 21, 2002

Listening to your feelings will give you clues to the ways you can change your life

Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge. Audre Lorde

I've been reminded lately of the importance of feeling as I pursue my life’s path. All my life I was taught to ‘use my head’ or ‘think about it’ as I approached the inconsistencies that life presented to me. I became an expert in thinking my way through situations even when thinking did not bring about the best result.

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.” Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

In years gone by it was women who had feelings while men used their minds to determine their world. Feelings were ignored and the only way to succeed was through thought. Thought produced results and those thoughts were the basis for all that existed. Feelings were only talked about in quiet places – places away from the mainstream of life. Feelings were suppressed as children and we learned that expressing those feelings was not acceptable.

“Feelings are real and legitimate; children behave and misbehave for a reason, even if adults cannot figure it out.” Unknown

It’s only been in recent years that feelings have become accepted as legitimate expressions of truth. Only lately have we begun to listen to our feelings or acted upon our feelings or used our feelings to direct our lives. We are moving away from our intellect into an unknown realm called feeling.

“It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.” Author Unknown

Feelings provide us with guidance that is not corrupted by our intellect. It gives us a pure distillation of our inner soul and allows us to see clearly the path ahead. Feelings begin deep within and bubble up to the surface in ways that take time to understand. We feel “pain” or “discomfort” or “out of sorts”. We “know better” or “know we should” as we encounter events in our lives.

“All great discoveries are made by men whose feelings run ahead of their thinking.” C. H. Parkhurst

I discover each time I listen to my feelings my life changes in ways I could not have imagined. I grow immeasurably in the direction of my fondest dreams because my feelings allow me to know who I truly am. My feelings tell me about wonder and allow be to uncover my deepest secrets. They provide a window through which I can see myself with clarity. Once seen I can then change, discard, or let go of those portions that need work and redirect my life’s energy.

“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain.” Bartholomew

Letting go of those feelings that are causing you harm allows you to remove the pain which they caused. Realizing pain and connecting that pain with feeling allows you to identify the cause of that pain and release it forever. Feelings are so important in our lives.

“You ask me why I do not write something....I think one's feelings waste themselves in words, they ought all to be distilled into actions and into actions which bring results.” Florence Nightingale, in Cecil Woodham-Smith, Florence Nightingale, 1951

Allow yourself to feel. Identify those feelings and let them go. Allow your feelings to propel you to action and change your life - your destiny. What do you feel? Where does it hurt? What is the cause of that hurt? Feel, identify, and remove. These are three ways to create growth in your life. The choice to keep pain or to remove pain is up to each of us every day of our lives.

“The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.” George Eliot (1819 - 1880)

 

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Reviewed by William Cottringer 9/22/2002
I agree with much of what you say, but I seem to be heading towards the conclusion that it is "successful thinking" that gets us to where we are supposed to be going. (feelings are just apart of that complex skill) I consider this level of thinking a balanced combination of using creativity, intuition, sensitivity to our feelings, logic, social skills, determination and practical common sense, which can help us identify our gaps between where we are and where we want to be, and then start closing them.
I'd like your ideas on my own article, "Three Simple Success Secrets." In the meantime I am going to read some more of your articles to get a better flavor of where you are at on your journey. Thanks and nice quotes! Bill Cottringer
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