edited: Monday, June 11, 2007
By Ulrike Gerbig
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2007
Become a Fan
An Essay inspiered by a quotation of Martin Buber
"The only important thing is, to begin with oneself, and at this very moment I have nothing else to do in this world but to care for this beginning."
Living alone can be a beautiful state if one has enough courage to go and find oneself.
Why do people remain in relationships which are no longer satisfying? They endlessly complain of the partner’s deficits and yet they stay.
They don’t put a constructive effort in the improvement of their situation, but use all their energy to
enforce the ever lasting dance of blames, flight, defence, passive aggressive denial and disappointment.
Maybe they stay because living alone means to have nobody to blame for one’s own emotional indisposition.
Life in the conditional with sentences like: “ If only he/she had…then I could have…” are useless, a waste of energy.
Being alone the awareness, that happiness or unhappiness in life is each individual’s own responsibility, is growing daily. Sometimes this is not easy to accept.
Feelings just „are“, one’s own and the feelings of others. They cannot be judge – neither from the outside or from within oneself; they are neither good nor bad.
Reality is multiple. Each person has only one reality, an individual and highly subjective one. This reality faces the reality of another individual: just as subjective and having definitely equal rights.
Approaching another individual successfully can only mean the attempt to learn about this other reality, to share experiences and feelings, without judgement or monopolization.
“I am not you, and I don’t know you.” is the basic assumption that puts an end to emotional colonization.
The growing awareness that the responsibility for happiness or unhappiness lies within oneself is part of single life. It is a blessing and a curse.
Freedom is scary, because being really free means having nobody to blame. All the energy one used to fight off a supposedly responsible partner now has to be used for oneself.
“I am not myself (yet), and I don’t know me.” is an essential realization made possible by single life.
It leads to the assignment to go and find oneself before a successful encounter with another individual is possible. This is scary and interesting at the same time.
Óugerbig, February 2004