I was having a conversation with my Mom one day. We were sharing little tidbits of our daily experiences with each other from that particular week. As usual, she said something to me in her quirky way that made me explode into laughter. Unknown to her, underneath my overt gestures of elation and amusement lurked the sobering burden of a recent painful experience that I was not inclined to share. Despite my innermost desires to disclose my secret pain and be understood…or even comforted by her…I chose to hold onto to my private pain while masking my inner sorrow with outward chuckles.

            I was reminded of this conversational experience with my mother a few days ago. After church I was milling around and socializing a bit…you know…shooting the breeze with the choir members. A young lady for whom I had earned the utmost respect approached me for what must have been the third time that day. In her earlier approaches she had attempted to offer an explanation of her whereabouts during her recent absence from choir rehearsal. Honestly, I confess that I was only half listening as I was mentally preparing for the choral performances that would be required that day. I may have heard every other word, smiling and nodding to give the appearance of active listening as a good counselor would. I initially gathered that she had been at a party for somebody deemed important enough that she miss choir rehearsal. There were some other details that she began to offer through a comical smile and with a halting trepidation, but as I said before we were on the way into the sanctuary at the time, and all you musicians know what mind preparation there is before the performance. She may as well have been the adult voice in every “Charlie Brown” cartoon as far as my willingness and/or ability to attend to her story at that time.

What I initially failed to hear in her awkward, halting explanation became very evident when she approached me once again as we were just socializing there near the instruments after the service. It was very easy for me to perceive her mental and emotional burden through the façade of the nervous smile she displayed. I was able to grasp that she had become a participant in something that she considered shameful. I was amazed by her openness as she reviewed the details of her embarrassment, commenting that she was ashamed to admit that I had written a book designed to influence against the very behavior in which she had been engaged. It became very obvious that she was attempting to absolve her guilt which had become a very heavy burden. She even overtly expressed surprise that she was disclosing so much.

I wasn’t surprised at all by her behavior. Guilt and shame caused by being unable to reconcile certain sinful indulgences with one’s Christian professions should be a very familiar experience to all believers. Regardless of the life experiences that produce it, guilt can be very emotionally draining. It can make you feel unworthy, ashamed, and disconnected. This is why I encourage those contemplating marriage to avoid worldly rites of passage. Being a Newlywed is difficult enough without complicating the issue with hidden guilt and the associated consequences of this whirlwind of negative emotion. Her repeated attempts to gain my attention, understanding, and even comfort were masked efforts to feel reconnected to God…to feel inside that everything was “OK” again. Her attempts to connect with me were attempts to tell God; “I didn’t mean to do it!” and “I’m sorry!”

Unfortunately, I could not offer her what she could only receive from God. I can, however, share this important little truth from God to all those who have struggled with mistakes in relationships, whether they were intended or unintended. You can be reconnected to those you love and to God when you let go of your guilt. I understand that this is easier said than done for most of us, but look at these simple steps for beginning your process of breaking free from guilt.

First, you must understand that your feelings of guilt, while mentally painful, are an indication that you are a person of character. Your guilt is created by an indulgence in experiences that are inconsistent with your moral compass. Simply put…this means that you’ve done something or allowed something to happen that you know deep down is wrong. It is easy to understand why many Christians are consumed by guilt. Being a believer includes very high standards for behavior, self awareness, and the avoidance of worldly impurities of experience. 1John 2:15, 16 says “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”  Feelings of guilt are an indication that you have internalized God’s expectations for your life. It is your “personal alert system” warning that you have done something that has separated you from Him and thrown your relationship out of whack. No, things are definitely not going to feel “Ok” when that happens.

Next, you must realize that God’s desire for you is to always be connected to him. He created this desire for connection with Him in you…and it can’t be turned off. Oh, it can be ignored or “drowned out” with substitutes, but only a one-to-one connection with God will make you feel complete and whole inside again. So, how do I do that?

My friend’s attempts to communicate her internal conflicts with me were part of a greater healing process that is quite simple. 1John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” She can go directly to God and tell him what happened and how it has made her feel alienated, separated, confused, ashamed, or guilty. Perhaps she was using me as a sounding board for her conversation with her heavenly father. Perhaps she was really talking to God out loud and using my presence as a “focal point” for the outward expression of her internal conflict. In any case, when struggling with feelings of guilt, all you have to do is start talking to God…just as my friend was trying to talk to me. Fortunately, God never does what I initially did to my little absentee choir member….halfway listen. He is always there fully engaged and ready to listen.

When you’ve made a mistake and are struggling with the emotional pain of guilt. He can understand your secret pains. He will be there to comfort you. And only he has the power to remove the consequences of guilt, remove your fear, and bring peace to your mind so that you can experience the power and beauty of knowing that everything will be “Ok” once again.