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Alvin C. Romer

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People Come Into Your Life for a Reason
by Alvin C. Romer   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Saturday, May 08, 2010
Posted: Friday, April 28, 2006

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This is a personal analogy on the cause and effect of true friendship based on an original idea by author, Jean Dominque Martin.

True friendship should not be taken for granted, nor should they be lost and irretrievable. Have you stopped to think lately how blessed you are at this moment? Your station in life is because of where God has placed you for a time such as this, despite the things that you may ascertain that are deemed trials or other tribulations. Even so, the journey has not been traversed alone. Your bandwagon had many occupants and with many stops along the way and so have mine. We are here together at this place where fate governed our destiny. On a personal note, I know for a fact that I'm where I'm at now in my life because of those that God has put in my life for influential value. The friends that I've ushered in and cultivated...even those that have drifted away from me -- I know too, that we've had our moments. Think about acquaintances you've come in contact with, people that have been introduced to you, and the friends that have come and gone in your life. I'm reminded more often than not how discernible options can fuel deductive reasoning, logic and common sense in knowing that not all people are my cup of tea -- or coffee, for that matter!

There are motives for everything. Juxtaposed against the backdrop of advantageous endeavor, people leverage and jockey for position all the time, and often it’s at the behest of the aforementioned friendship. Do you believe that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime? Author Jean Dominique Martin when gathering information for her mindset on this subject, said it best by leaving lasting impressions that give homage to the fickle nature of misplaced intent when it comes to options in choosing friends. Now that I have your attention, I ask you: what does friendship mean to you? How well do you choose who would be your closest allies? There are reasons why people are essential in our lives, and is the basis for me writing this essay. In a way, this is my way of paying homage to my constituents and friends who have stuck closer to me, despite my flaws!

I have mixed emotions about people that have come and gone in my life, though…there were those who left because the level of intimacy was based on unbalanced time-sharing and other reasons for not maintaining something that could stick and stay. What bothers me more is when their mannerisms change, they become incognito, and make themselves scarce once they feel that things are not conducive to their train of thought as opposed to seeing how the friendship can be saved for the long term. Yes, people have motives that they tend to hold close to vest and out of your sight. Now comes the time for me to assess those that fit this category. I’ve always felt that when you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. You will not be caught unawares because you are alert, aligned and less arrogant. Check my logic out here why people come into your life either for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, or fade into anonymity. Sometimes circumstances dictate that they go in another direction leaving you to wonder; sometimes they walk away, uncaring and unwilling. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand, hoping that enmity hasn’t reared its ugly head. But when amity is afoot there can be no doubt where good intent fuels the art of reaching out. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Reasons can go against you…but when it does, all you can do is assess it for what it’s worth, monitor subsequent correspondences, make your decision and know when it's time to move on. 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON. They may only be there for a short period of time based on premeditated agendas; they may have motives that are not condoned by you, or because your turn has come to share with them in growing or learning new initiatives for the future. If all things are good, they may bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may introduce you to new routines and techniques that you have never experienced. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real! But only for a season -- they move on. Seasonal tidings with this situation usually deal with those that are going through changes, can’t cope with certain situations that cause them to step outside of comfort zones, or are unwilling to take chances. Other seasonal folk readily recognizes their own kind, and will not hesitate to cut you loose. The key to coming full circle after misunderstandings may have caused a rift is to humble yourself, accept that perhaps you could have done something better and move on. if it's meant to be they will return, if not then it just wasn't meant to be. 

LIFETIME relationships are harder to recognize for the moment, but with time can be the best choice you can make. But how many people do you know are willing to persevere for the long haul? Find one and I guarantee you will have him or her as someone trustworthy. Life timers teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. They accept you for what you are, do not prematurely judge you, do not have any inhibitions about taking chances for the betterment of the relationship, and surely feel that compatibility is something that is assessed as you go, not at the spur of the moment. They don't adhere to conditions and will be there during the zero hour. There’s GOT to be something that you can learn from this type of person. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. This is Agape Love at it's core..the type of love that God is. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Silence doesn’t suppose to be as ominous to cut deep like the sharpest knife. To be cut loose dangling trying to fathom how it went south is to understand that directional change does not have to be defined by ill winds and misplaced logic, but by common sense and discernable options working for the best. I thank all the people I’ve met in my lifetime who have lent me their ears, allowed me to belong, gave me love and let me love them back. I’m all the better because somewhere, somehow, and someone have given me hope that friendship is not fleeting, integrity is intrusive, and that good intent coupled with works can be a true embodiment of comraderie for as long as it is deemed necessary to embrace a true friend! And for those that I’ve called a friend at some point in my life, you will always be one…but know that you will not be forgotten. 

This is why as I write, I look to all whom have given me the wherewithal to be me. I love my literary Diaspora and the people in it who gave me hope and felt that to write the vision and make it plain. There are too many of you to name, but a few readily come to mind -- Marlive Harris, aNN Brown, Tyora Moody, Nathasha Brooks Harris, Darlene Johnson, Francis Ray, Brenda Jackson, Gwynne Forster, Kendra Norman-Bellamy, Vincent Alexandia, Brian Ganges, Marc Lacey, Travis Hunter, Donna Hill, Pat G'Orge-Walker, Tiffani McClain, Elissa Gabrielle, Robin Pendleton, Tracy Price-Thompson, Janice Sims, Claritta Stinson, Janelle Walden Agyeman, Darlene Christie, Kim Robinson. Jeff and Joyce Dickerson, Ann Clay, Michelle McGriff, Elaine Overton, et al. If your name is not on this list, don't hold it against me but Know that I know you know who you are! All I want are lifetime friends where reciprocal value is measured in a platonic way.


Web Site: The Romer Review

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Reviewed by Tanay Das 3/27/2010
The reason may be good or bad.The only thing how you look at it and the other person react to it.
Reviewed by Debra Conklin 9/23/2009
I believe that there are persons who were in my life exactly when I needed them to be. Once the need was fulfilled, their purpose in my life was gone and those persons faded into the my life's web. I feel that I've too, been in people's lives exactly when they needed me. I can remember helping so many people through difficult times in their lives and when they no longer needed my assistance, moved on. I was never hurt or upset by it, I was simply glad I was there when they needed me and only hope they remember me as the person who held their hand when they needed someone to hold onto.
Reviewed by George Owiyo (Reader) 5/21/2008
What you've brought to light in terms of people and the purpose of their meetings, should enable human beings to cherish and regard one another as unique and present to enable them live thier life to the fullest. Thank you and have a blessed lifetime.
George Owiyo
Nakuru - Kenya
Reviewed by Rita Schiano 9/27/2007
Excellent article. Your insights are dead-on. Looking forward to reading more ofyour works. All the best, Rita
Reviewed by Angie Grainger 8/29/2007
Wow, I love the article you have written about 'people come into your life for a reason',its so true! When I reflect on how people have left , arrived,or stayed for a little while it has taught me about myself and who I have become. Family ties are the long haul ones, and how many of us might not have bothered if this blood bond was not there! I am inspired by your wise words! Thank you!
Reviewed by Lisa Robison (Reader) 10/20/2006
Back in 2000, I read a short essay about "People Come Into Your Life for a Reason" by another author. In reading this, some of the text has been expounded upon, while the basic text is identical to the original source. Are you claiming this to be an original composition?
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