Cry the Beloved Men -- But Our Girls Are In Trouble Too!
edited: Tuesday, July 17, 2007
By Alvin C. Romer
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, July 17, 2007
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The need to protect our girls and women from the ills of disrespect
The title of this essay says a lot about not placing too much time in the problems of Black men and boys. Our girls and women need your time and attention, too. Much is mentioned about how young boys and men of this millennium are maligned and misappropriated. In my opinion, there are no varying degrees of wrong whether it’s attributed to men or women, no matter the age consideration. We are living in a generation reminiscent of the ills that Sodom and Gomorrah faced short of their destruction. With no disrespect to boys and men, our ladies need advocates to continually fight their battles and vouch for the respect that has gone awry. This issue concern and disturb me, as I felt the need to share a few points with you. Saving our girls – this is a paramount issue, and one that says a lot about righting a few wrongs. The gist of this essay will give analogies and solutions to help the distaff part of our existence. I will give two references that will illustrate my feelings and hope that it is embraced for legitimacy.
A friend of mine approached me recently relative to concerns she harbored after witnessing for a time the behavior and lack of fortitude from a young 19 year-old young woman her midst. She intimated rather passionately how this young lady was abusing and misusing familial order that had been established by church and the generosity of her mother, albeit in a single-family household. Now, if you’re like me and you read intrusively through what has been given to you by the aforementioned, readily two things comes to mind: at 19, you’re old enough to have learned that which has moralist value inherently to form ethics for your subsequent journey through life; secondly, there are dangers fraught with having a one-parent household where that male influence is non-existent, or lacking a constant presence. There’s a lot to be said about growing up in such a deficient atmosphere…more often than not it is the precursor to problematic issues that girls face when no dominant male figure is present. This will fuel my contention that there must be a structured set of maxims to guard against rocking the boat against turbulence.
The society that girls are living in is no protector, nor does it embrace good vibes if you had to rely on what is being portrayed, and who are the perpetrators. I’m one to believe that morals and ethics are first broached and learned in the home. Parents are the first role models and are the ultimate teachers to prepare progeny to the perils of the world. When we fail as parents, we set our children up for the folly that beacons them with open arms. The streets are mean, and Satan rules them with impunity, just waiting to snatch a child up for the wiles and schemes of immorality. It’s all about images, imagery, and impossible acts of treason when our children generically, and young girls specifically, fall line, hook, and sinker for fishers whose main course is a willing female. It’s an ongoing and exhausting battle Black women and concerned men are waging to dispel the negative and uncompromising images that befall our girls. It gives reason to spawn people like Don Imus, who look at our women as whores, no matter the texture of the hair. The people girls see that look like them are not particular when they call each other disparaging names, or when they use the ‘N’ word with impunity. You see it specifically in how sex sells; how unflattering it portrays women in music videos, song lyrics, and the end result of a generation hooked on hip-hop and uncensored rap. This needs to stop!
Inasmuch as the opening statement alludes to the illustration of one gender being singled out in recent years, symptoms of real problematic issues are being played out in many a household indicative of the determination of women fighting against all odds to raise children as the lone parent wearing both hats of Mommy and Daddy. While I applaud the gallant effort, especially among women who are forced in that role, the pressure to be all to that child will somehow come full circle without a good infrastructure to nurture good spiritual realms. The need to teach strong values, the importance of a viable work ethic, self-esteem, and being good examples, are staples that should be found in the home and extrapolated toward community and church for Agape value. Yes, single women for the most part, and single men to a lesser degree are living it, and doing a great job. If this is to foster personal enhancement and improved self-image, then it plays into my conviction that you must reach girls at an early age. Home is where the heart is, and the heart of the matter is smack dab in the middle of self-consciousness so the world around them would see appreciative first impressions.
As a man respectful of women, I will always ask the same question that the Lord implored when looking for Adam after sin was consummated in the Garden of Eden – “Adam, where art thou?” The Adams of this generation, yours truly included, need to stand, be counted, and take control of his domain. This struggle to save our girls and be protectors of our women emanated inward and extend externally for a higher definition of love to be shown. Again, we parents need to do a better job of nurturing, teaching, and supplying resources. The love of a father is key, and special in the scheme of things, and the maternal soothing of a mother is essential. I’ve always felt until it’s proven otherwise, that having a father or a father figure inherent in one’s life is invaluable in the development of positive self-images for girls, especially. I’m a father and a grandfather to girls, and there’s not a day that passes where I’m not finding was to impact on them the importance of me giving them the perspective on what to seek in choosing friends and mates. I need for them to learn not to accept status quo, or anything less than they feel is deserving of their stated values. This will always be my challenge as a father, husband, brother, nephew, and uncle – to eradicate the bad images and influences that beset the female gender. I feel too, that young girls in their adolescence and to a greater degree, when they are maturing may find that they are most confident and feel a sense of worth when a strong male presence is prevalent in their lives. More challengeable options are at hand when fathers are absent, which causes more burden on mothers…and any man worth pursing a woman should first allow them to see whether you are worthy of them!