And the Answer is...
[from the shadow worlds of Sha'Tara]
The question was, "Would you, as an individual, take on the pain and suffering of the whole world within your heart?"
The question is longer, but that is the gist of it. After carefully analyzing its intent, juxtaposing the many teachings I have received from "off world" and weighing my options on this I realized the only thing that stood between me and giving an answer was fear. A deep fear I had no word for. A dark feeling that lurked inside my mind; that hadn't been stirred for a very long time.
And so I remembered the mantra against fear as expounded by Frank Herbert through his Bene Gesserit teaching.
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. It is the little death that brings complete obliteration. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me and through me and when it has passed I will turn and look with the inner eye and there will be nothing there. Only I will be standing there." [from Dune - by Frank Herbert]
Fear has many faces. Mine chose to manifest in false humility - "I am not worthy" or "Who do I take myself for to even consider such a thing?"
But that didn't wash because I didn't invent the idea, I was asked a simple question. Yet the question was as deep as the depths of space. It encompassed, in its simplicity, everything of value I have ever been taught, ever discovered for myself, ever did and ever hoped for. The question was designed to fit me like a perfectly tailored suit.
Today, my answer is yes. Never mind whether I can or not, I am willing.
A while ago I said that real change came from encountering and interacting with events bigger than I. Each one of those made me into a different person, sometime a different being. My spirit and my mind thus evolved, step by step. It's a slow process, as we count in time, but it is real! It works.
Robert Frost wrote: "Two roads diverged in the woods. I took the one less traveled by, and that made all the difference." (Robert Frost... from memory. I cannot remember the title of the poem, nor am I sure I have the words down correctly, but the message is clear. That was one of those teachings I could never forget.)
This path I have said "yes" to is not exclusive. I believe it is opened to all and sundry, by choice. We are not "called" to this, nor are we "chosen" -- we are self-chosen. When we awaken spiritually (and I suppose, mentally) we instantly become aware of the cosmos. We are no longer "Earthians" (or Pleiadians, or Altarians).
Awakened, we are cosmic beings, but not before. Before anyone can make this claim upon the cosmos as home, one has to detach from all that operates at the local level. What now appears as a contradiction is that the bona fide "Cosmosian" turns towards its host world with total compassion. The love that could not be given to Earthians and their world while one remained in step with their dance, is now possible. Oh, not only possible but unavoidable and inevitable.
The event I have just encountered and chose to walk into knowing the door behind me would close and could never be re-opened is certainly one of those much bigger than I. But I suppose it was a foregone conclusion I would go in considering all the challenges I have encountered on my own road to Mordor. I do not know what awaits me now, but I take a bit of comfort remembering Scrooge's own awakening on Christmas morning. Perhaps that same Christmas morning can be mine too... somewhere. It can be yours also.
Meanwhile I can say this: I have never experienced the peace of mind I am in at this moment. I don't care what comes next... this is all the good I can handle.
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