When we're in a depressed state, it seems as if it's never going to end. But everything changes over time. We can facilitate the rapidity of a change to more positive territory through actions of our own, such as those suggested below. No matter how bad things might be, or get, you always have hope. You also have God or a higher power too, if you are a believer. In any case, it's always good to know that you're not alone. Have someone else to turn to and to lean on when you need to.


1. See Your Doctor and/or A Trained Professional
It is important to determine if your depression has a physical cause or whether a referral is needed to a trained psychiatrist or other mental health professional. Sometimes people say, "I've been there already and it didn't help." My suggestion is to try another counselor. Every counselor is not good, nor are they all suitable for us. Just keep at it until you find someone who can help.

2. Don't Try To Go It Alone
Talk with trusted family members and friends who you can rely upon to keep your confidences. Don't feel like a burden. What goes around in life often comes around. You can be there for them in the future when they need some help.

It's going to get better. Change is one constant in life we can rely on. Listen to other people's advice. It's not all going to be good, but it can help you think about things differently, so be willing to try something new, particularly since what you might be doing now might not be working too well. Talking it out can provide you with improved perspectives you may not have had otherwise, even if the advice you got in the process wasn't that helpful.

3.Take The Focus Off of Yourself
Thinking about your problems 25 hours a day is not helpful. Maybe you can't always get help, but you can always give it. It will help renew your own self-esteem when you see the power you have helping someone else. It also puts your own problems into perspective. Doing this is an important step to getting yourself out of the woods to the point where you can see a clearing ahead that you can keep walking toward. It's ok to crawl sometimes too. Just keep your head up and keep moving in the right direction. Your Unfinished Life by Lawrence J. Danks provides a complete guide to finding happiness by taking the emphasis off of ourselves.(It is my most recent book.)

4. Just Do The Next Thing
Sometimes depression can immobilize us to the point where we seem overwhelmed by everything and can't seem to get ourselves to do anything - just dead in the water. Just do the very next thing. Don't worry about tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Just do the next thing. If you're depressed when you get up, then wash your face. Then brush your teeth, then get a shower, then get dressed, then put on the coffee,then do the dishwasher, etc, etc. One thing at a time. Just do the next thing and don't think about anything else until you're finished that. Then decide what the next thing is to do. After a while you're going to see that you are staying active and getting things done. Staying active is a big help because it takes your mind off of you and substitutes accomplishments, even if they are very modest, for obsessing about your problems.

5. Get Out!
Don't stay in the house. Get out and take a walk, go to the mall, volunteer, or ask someone to go to lunch or dinner with you. It is very important to stay busy at night, but not just watching television. Read, challenge yourself, do something that gets you into a state of "flow" where you are so absorbed in something positive and challenging that you lose track of time. Idle time can be a real enemy when we're pressed down by concerns. Many people can deal with things during the day when they are busier, but nights can be very lonely. Whenever you feel tired, take a short nap and stay up at night until you feel tired enough to go to sleep without a struggle. Sleep helps.

6. Self-Help Reading
This should be a lifetime habit. There are research tested ways for people to be happier. Learn what they are. I have compiled an excellent list of recommended books about happiness in my "Ezine Articles" article : "Happiness 101". One I would particularly call to your attention in dealing with depression is written by Dr.Gordon Livingston M.D., a practicing psychiatrist, who wrote the national best seller: Too Soon Old,Too Late Smart. It contains many positive suggestions for dealing with depression and many common problems that people seek professional advice for.

7. Prayer and/or Meditation
Both provide the opportunity to stop and reflect and to enable us to gain perspective again. Either or both can be helpful.

8. Stop Worrying
The Bible has a wonderful quotation about worry that has helped me many times:
"You worry all day and what do you have to show for it." How much has your worrying accomplished? Whenever you have a worrisome thought come into your mind, just fight it off by saying, "No! I'm not going there. It's not going to do me any good." After you do that for a while, you'll find that the handy affirmation will help you in clearing your head of junk thoughts that don't provide any benefit.


9. Get Physical
I wish I could tell you that I am a model for this, but I'm not even close. However, I do not doubt the wisdom of what I read everywhere. If you can get to the gym (having a trainer helps enforce the discipline), engage in a sport or just walk, it can help. My father had a heart attack when he was about 55 and his doctor told him to start walking. He did until he died at 87. It can't hurt.

10. Regain Perspective and Improve Your Thinking
It's hard to move ahead when you're not thinking straight. Get away from the situation. Take a trip or visit a friend or relative somewhere else. It's can't just be for two days. Stay away from a week or more if you can. Being removed from the situation and doing and seeing different things can help you re-evaluate where you are and provide fresh insights to help you make changes you may need to make. Economist/essayist and humorist Ben Stein has commented that most problems we face are found right between our ears. A famous "Pogo" cartoon similarly said: "We have met the enemy, and he is us." No real improvement takes place until we improve the way we think about our problems. It's good to remember that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. That strength will help us face many problems in the future with a clearer head and with greater equanimity.

11. Conquering Death and The Loss of A Love
Two of life's great stressors are the death of a loved one and the loss of a love. Both are very difficult to deal with and can immobilize us for a long time. The important thing to remember in both cases is that we still have a valuable life of our own. One of the best tributes we can give to someone we loved who has died is to live a meaningful and enjoyable life. The person who has died certainly would not want mourning of his/her loss to stand in the way of that.

Loss of a love or unreturned love has a pain all its own. It's important to just face reality. Sometimes it's good to realize that we should be careful of what we wish for. A famous quotation says: "Not getting what we wish for can be a stroke of luck." Lives should not be put on hold because we can't get what we want. Just ask yourself how much sleep the person pined for is losing. Usually none. So don't torture yourself. It is not worth it. You will surely recognize this later, but it's better to do it now! The best cure is to get busy finding someone who loves you in the way you need to be loved. I invite you to visit one of my websites www.DatingAdvice.us. See the page: "Finding The Right Man" where I discuss death of a partner and loss of a love in more detail.

12. Make The Most of Your Unfinished Life
Think about others and be kinder. It doesn't have to be earth shattering. Little kindnesses extended frequently can have excellent impact on others and ourselves.(Chapter 7 of my book is entitled "40 Ways To Be Kind". You will be able to think of many other ways that suit your own talents and personality.)

If being happier by being kinder and taking the emphasis off of ourselves sounds like mumbo-jumbo to you, here's what famed intellectual and philosopher Aldous Huxley had to say about it:

"People often asked me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is - just be a little kinder."

Virtually all positive psychologists say too that true gratification in life is found not in focusing on ourselves and our egos, or by basing our life on material things, but in the service of something higher. Pick something that's meaningful to you. It will improve your self-esteem, and provide you with the peace of mind, personal fulfillment and happiness you seek.

Lawrence J. Danks is the author of Your Unfinished Life, a guide to finding happiness, success, improved self-esteem and personal fulfillment. It is available through  Amazon.com, Barnesand Noble.com, Baker and Taylor and other leading booksellers.