Honesty and Truthfulness
This should be at the top of the list. If a man doesn't have this, the rest of it doesn't matter much. Love can't survive without trust. You need someone who you can rely on always to tell you the truth. Otherwise how do you know when it's the truth and when it isn't? This is the foundation that relationships are built on.

If you have a long distance relationship, or one where your guy travels for his job, you really need to be sure about all this. You don't want to be made a fool of, and miss other opportunities you could have had, while he's stringing you along and pursuing opportunities of his own. By the same token, you should be invariably honest and trustworthy with the man you have the interest in too. He deserves the same degree of assurance that you want.

Openness
For the reasons just mentioned, and also to determine the quality of communication you’re going to have in the relationship, openness is something you need to look for. You shouldn’t have to pull things out of a man regularly. There would very likely be other things there that you weren’t successful in pulling out. If you feel you’re getting frequent resistance to efforts to learn what you’d like to know about someone, find someone else you can have a full degree of trust in.

The ability to communicate well and easily is elemental to a successful relationship. If the communication doesn't flow easily, he's probably not the one for you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life looking out a car window while you're riding along, when you could be having good conversations with someone more engaging. If you love each other and have things in common, there should be plenty to talk about. It should come easily, not feel like work.

Chemistry
When you're together do you genuinely enjoy each other's company and have fun? Can you spend a lot of time with each other effortlessly? Does it all seem very natural? This is the way things should be.

If you are on edge and uncomfortable most of the time, something is making you that way. A little bit of nervousness and trying to get a sense of each other early on is not unusual, but with time you should be relaxed with the whole thing. If you aren't, try to identify why and talk about it. If it can't be resolved, you probably haven't found the right man yet.

Any type of aggressive behavior, including someone's being blantantly sexual early on when you aren't in agreement, someone who is rude to you or others, or someone who is restrictive and controlling: "I don't want you doing that", is good cause not to keep seeing someone any more, particularly after you have made it clear that you didn't like it.

Interests, Attitudes and Aspirations
Explore his interests and what he is looking for. Try to see if you seem to be on the same page not only about interests, but about general attitudes and the future. You need not agree on “everything”. What you’re looking for are “deal breakers”, e.g., you’re looking for someone to spend a substantial amount of time with and he tells you he plays golf everyday. You want to spend more time traveling. He doesn’t like to travel at all. He’s a bigot and you take people how you find them and treat them equally, irrespective of race, religion or ethnic background.

Commitment and Companionship
Does his commitment seem real and deep? How is he as a companion? Do you have fun together and really enjoy each other's company, even when you are not "doing anything" and just "hanging out"? Love alone isn't enough. A relationship has to work. A study indicated that commitment to one another and companionship were the two most important characteristics found in lasting relationships.

Regarding commitment, if it's ok with you to just go on and on seeing someone, living separately, and leading two lives, if that's what works for you, then that's fine. It would never work for me. A shared life of love and togetherness is very important to me. What's important to you? If you want a full life to share with a man, you should look for someone who is moving voluntarily toward the same goal, not someone you have to drag there. In the long run, he wouldn't be happy and you wouldn't be either.

Sands pass through the hourglass of time every day. If what you really want is a committed relationship with someone that will lead to marriage or a solid commmitment to live together, don't waste time on guys who are reluctant to go there. If someone wants a "free life", that's ok, but if that's not what you want, find someone who shares your dreams in life and don't lose any more time out of your life. Timing is really critical in relationships. Spending too long with the wrong man might cost you the chance to have met the right one and to have found the life you really wanted.

Consideration and Kindness
Notice whether he seems to be trying to please you or himself. Look for kindness. When the opportunities present themselves,watch how he treats or refers to others: his former spouse(s), your children and family, his family members, store clerks, waiters and waitresses,employees, and others he encounters. If he treats or talks about them like dirt, somewhere down the line when the heat dies down, you will be likely to get the same treatment. Avoid trouble. Leave now. You want “what you see is what you get”, not an actor playing a role.

Finding Yourself and True Happiness: I hope what's here can help you find greater intimacy and happiness in your life. I have also written Your Unfinished Life, a guide to fuller happiness, improved self-esteem and personal fulfillment. It is available through Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million, Baker and Taylor, Ingram and other leading booksellers. Chapter samples and reviews are available at http://www.YourUnfinishedLife.com