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Blogs by Kage Alan
Sometimes It's Not What You'd Expect
8/22/2010 4:11:42 PM
How is it that one person acquires so much power over us?
I was a typical all-American high school student long before I ever became an internationally known author (i.e. South Africa--but hey, a gig's a gig). And I don't think about those years very often. A very, very dear friend of mine has simply blocked high school right out of her memory. It probably helps that she married her high school asshole, then divorced him and rightly so, whereas I didn't get the opportunity to do either. My high school asshole is straight and I was never as attracted to him as he seemed to be to himself. I can say that because that was back then and not now, so he might have been during that time. He certainly acted like it.
In any case, this particular individual became aware of me back in junior high and, for some reason I could never figure out, took a disliking to me. We had two classes together, never spoke to each other, never had any mutual friends and never saw each other outside of school, yet he took every opportunity to make my life a living hell. We're talking stomach ache in the morning and not wanting to go to school because of just thinking about running into him. It was that bad.
How is it that one person acquires so much power over us? It's seems silly now, but then we all know so much more today as opposed to then, what's important and what's not. Well, this one individual soured things so much for me that I skipped the 10 year reunion (it was either attend or go on a trip to Hong Kong...tough choice) and I had no intention of going to the 20 when it came around. Something interesting happened, though; I found him on Facebook.
Something else interesting happened; someone suggested I e-mail him.
And I did.
"(name withheld),
It's been an interesting time listening to all the FHS reunion stories being passed around and participating a little myself. One thing I'd never actually understood is something someone suggested I actually just write and ask you about personally. It never occurred to me to do this and I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but I'm going to give it a shot anyway.
I'm still asking myself twenty years later what it was that made you hate me as much as you apparently did. I remember having one or two classes together where we never interacted, we didn't hang around the same people, never saw each other outside of school and never had an altercation that I could see starting the animosity that came from you. Yet, for whatever reason, you took some amount of joy in making my life as miserable as possible whenever you could (and I say this now with no animosity or anger). Why? What prompted it?
I left FHS behind me a long time ago and I never expected to revisit those years there. Reconnecting with some of the folks has really turned into a wonderful experience. People grew up and some now have kids. You have kids, so I suspect if one of your children ever had a similar experience, they and you would want to at least ask the same question I am.
It's just one of those lingering things from the past that I could never associate any closure with. Even if you choose not to respond, I do thank you for at least reading the e-mail.
Sincerely,
(my name)"
Are you ready for the answer? I was a nervous wreck waiting for it and one did finally arrive.
"Hello,
Wow...I have to say that I am truly at a loss here. I am actually hoping you have the wrong person, because that doesn't seem like something I would do. If it is me than I am truly sorry that I inflicted memories that would haunt you 20 years later. I think people that know me would tell you that it doesn't sound like me. I will admit that I have been told by people that didn't know me in high school that they thought I was cocky. I say I was just shy. I socialized with my friends, but didn't always go out of my way to make friends with everyone. So I may not have been the most social person, but don't remember ever going out of my way to make someone's life miserable. You are right. I have children and would be very upset if someone was making their life miserable.
Sincerely,
(name withheld)"
Twenty years of waiting, wondering and pondering and I wasn't even a memorable victim??? Well, more proof as to why I went on to write books like "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation" and "Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell" instead of becoming an actor.
It makes me wonder if anybody else has one of these kinds of things hanging over their head or if I was just the pathetic one for letting it go on so long. Did you do anything about it? Was it ever resolved? And if you haven't done anything about, do you plan to?
Sometimes it's not what you'd expect.
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• Classic Blog Post: Premature Articulation (or How My Weekend Went) - Saturday, May 28, 2011
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