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Blogs by Kage Alan
Don't Ya Wish U Could Do These 10 Things With Me? Don't cha?
4/26/2012 12:40:39 AM
There are some things so personal and so intimate that you can't share them with just anyone. Well, you aren't just anyone, so you get to read this.
A friend suggested the other day that I write a post about the deck of Gay Sex cards I bought in NYC after my nuptials. As tempting as that is, I think I’ll pass. First and foremost, I don’t give away trade secrets. You want to know about all of this, you gotta be with all of this! And believe me, there isn’t enough interest in all of this since I turned 40 to warrant a post like that. So, I was back to the proverbial drawing board. But then I realized, hey, this is about guilty pleasures. I’m a guilty pleasure! Well, I’m mostly guilty of wanting pleasure, so why not a post about that whole thing? Guilty pleasures that is, not being guilty of pleasures. Pookie told me I’d be introduced to the nine levels of Chinese hell if I ever discussed his pleasure techniques…that I have improved upon greatly in our years together. And since he doesn’t want me to be guilty of pleasures, his pleasure is in withholding mine. It really is all about his pleasure, isn’t it? I digress. Here are a few of my guilty pleasures.
1) Hot pretzel sticks with cheddar cheese.
Ah, my comfort food! I’ve been eating these things for years whenever I’ve wanted to celebrate or needed a little boost. The only thing holding me back from having more of them is the cost. Have you seen how much they charge for these things? It’s criminal! That and if fewer of my books were pirated, I might actually be able to enjoy them more than once every two months.
2) CDs Vs Digital downloads
Sure, some artists like Ryan Farish–hello, Elmer!–only release digitally (though Amazon will create CDs for you if you like), but my preference remains to have a disc, case and booklet in my hands. I think if more albums came with digital booklets, I might be inclined to give them more of a chance. Until then, buggar off if you don’t like the fact I still buy CDs. Ya hear that, Hoffman?
3) Haagen-Dazs Macadamia Nut ice cream
Something had to take the place of my Friendly’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sundaes, especially since all the Friendly’s in Michigan closed. I was in Japan for my first trip there ever and came across the Macadamia Nut ice cream. Pookie wondered what all the fuss was about (I may have been moaning in ecstasy and it wasn’t because he’d thrown me a bone…or…you know…), so he gave it a try. He moaned. We both moaned. The Grandmonster had to stop us out of fear because she didn’t know what was going on. We asked if she wanted to try it, but it had been a couple hundred decades since she’d moaned, so she passed. I’ve only ever found this flavor in Japan and Hong Kong.
4) Better Made Red Hot Potato Chips
Ever go through that “MINE!” phase? You see something shiny and you immediately shout out “MINE!”? Or you’re in Jr. High and your friend strips in front of you, so you softly, but emphatically, tell him “MINE!”? When it came to snacks when I was growing up, I wanted something only I would enjoy, something that nobody else would touch, even the dog. These things were delicious! And they were MINE! I also say they “were” delicious because they’ve changed the recipe since then all they do is give me friggin’ heartburn.
5) Coney Island hot dogs
I could be in a kinky underwear store in Hong Kong, flipping through a catalog of adult videos or standing in the shower with my Pookie, and I’ll always be thinking about eating a hot dog. Eerie, isn’t it? The only way to satisfy that craving is to head out to a Coney Island and indulge. Fries and a Pepsi, please!
6) Cannolis from Tringali’s
When it comes to Italians, there’s only one I want in my mouth! Er…let me rephrase that. When it comes to Italian desserts, specifically cannolis, there’s only one I want in my mouth; Tringali’s. This Warren, Michigan, store has the best I’ve ever had hands down and legs up. It’s probably some of the worst service EVER, but the cannolis are to die for. If you ever want a piece of Heaven in your mouth, come see me.
7) Hanging out with GA Hauser
Pookie loves any TV show or movie featuring a woman with an attitude who can kick anybody’s ass. We now enjoy hanging out with them, too, and one in particular. If you ever want to have balls-to-the-wall fun, enjoy good food, good beer and brilliant snarkiness, then you need to hang with GA. And her books? Orgasmic. Macadamia Nut Ice Cream orgasmic! Same color, too. Funny that.
8) Laser Tag
Laser Tag turns grown men and women into larger than life action heroes! One friend went from “Dude, I feel totally stupid!” to Steven Seagal (the thin years) in under 60 seconds. I turned my very own Pookie into “This is so lame” to “I got shot by Party Princess? Where is the little (expletive)?” Oh, yes. It turns you away from the good side of the Force.
9) Horror movies
Mom blames dad for taking me to see these. Dad used to blame mom because she wouldn’t go to see them with him after The Exorcist. My next door neighbor and surrogate grandmother to me loved them. It just became inevitable that I’d love them, too. The hubby? A complete and total wuss about them. Yes, sweetie. You go watch The Golden Girls and Designing Women. I’ll be watching House By The Cemetery and Prince of Darkness.
10) Blu-Rays
Naaa.
Right, enough about me. How about you? Any guilty pleasures out there you’d like to share?
________________________
Kage Alan is the Vision Quest watching, Cinema Bizarre listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He’s not fond of lists or blog posts about lists unless they can be made fun and have an equally amusing opening paragraph. Then he likes them. But only once in a while.
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• July 4, 2011: Will Gay Marriage Be The Next Fabulous Revolution? - Monday, July 04, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: Megaforce: Special Edition Blog Post - Saturday, July 02, 2011
• Winning The Struggle Over Dealing With Alzheimer’s - Thursday, June 30, 2011
• Intergalactic Asian American Seeks Promotion: A Candid Conversation with Garrett Wang (Part 2) - Wednesday, June 29, 2011
• Intergalactic Asian American Seeks Promotion: A Candid Conversation with Garrett Wang (Part 1) - Tuesday, June 28, 2011
• Tech People Will Hate Me Despite My Shapely Bum and Manhood - Monday, June 27, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: White Hair, The Sushi Nazi & A Heavy Metal Birthday - Saturday, June 25, 2011
• The Cave Called and It Wants It Batshit Back - Thursday, June 23, 2011
• Birthdays, Buttocks and What's To Come (Minus the Buttocks) - Monday, June 20, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: Werewolf Movies Give Me Wood…Is That Wrong? - Saturday, June 18, 2011
• Confessions Of A Not-So-Teenage-Writer - Thursday, June 16, 2011
• I May Be Fragile, But My Friend From San Diego Will Roger You Senseless! - Monday, June 13, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: Live It, Love It and Send DVDs For a Birthday Gift! - Saturday, June 11, 2011
• Advice For A Gay Child Growing Up - Thursday, June 09, 2011
• Boba Fett, Green Lantern and A Medusa Head Bust - Monday, June 06, 2011
• Classic Blog: Why Don't Celebrities Ask For My Autograph? - Saturday, June 04, 2011
• Oh, Hell…The Writer Has Advice? - Thursday, June 02, 2011
• Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam Needs To Meet My Mother - Monday, May 30, 2011
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