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Blogs by Dorien Grey
Ursula's World
11/24/2008 5:12:07 AM
From an earlier post to Dorien Grey and Me (http://www.doriengreyandme.com). New entries are posted there every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come by.
I met Ursula while I was living in Northern Wisconsin. She was well-known in the area as being an eccentric rock of a woman who, in her 70s when I met her, lived alone on a 20-acre farm on which she raised sheep. She kept a large garden and lived off it, her meager social security and by selling the wool she sheared from her sheep,spunning their wool into yarn, from which she made mittens, scarves, and various other items. She had electricity but no running water and no toilet.
I worked part time at a local supermarket at which Ursula sometimes shopped. I knew she was Jewish (there were very few Jews in the area, most of the residents being either Finnish---who worked the forest---or Italian, who worked the mines). She came to the store during Rosh Hashana and I wished her a happy holiday, and she took a liking to me, and gradually we became friends.
She did not willingly talk of her past, and it was only in small bits and pieces, over time, that I learned some of her story. She was born in Germany of a Jewish mother and a non-Jewish father, and she had one older brother whom she adored. When the Nazis came to power, she and her family were shipped off to a concentration camp for "half-breeds". Spared the gas chamber, life in the camps was incomprehensible to those not experiencing it.
Her beloved brother, then 19, was beaten to death by a group of Nazi thugs.
On February 13, 1945, she was on a prison train which was stopped at the outskirts of Dresden as the infamous bombing raids began. Over 100,000 people died in the firestorms that swept the city. Ursula and others on the train were forced to go through the destroyed city retrieving charred bodies.
The evening her camp was liberated at the end of the war, her mother and father went out for a walk, leaving the confines of the camp for the first time. Her father was shot and killed while on that walk…I was never sure by whom, but it didn’t matter. Murder is murder. Death is death.
Somehow coming to the U.S., Ursula married a Serb emigre and had two daughters. The marriage was a disaster, and they were divorced after Ursula moved to Chicago. She managed to buy a small house and raise her daughters. During the riots at the 1968 Democratic Party convention in Chicago, Ursula was convinced that what had happened in Germany in the 1930s was happening in America. She sold her house and moved to Northern Wisconsin, where she bought her farm. She became estranged from her daughters, who moved away as soon as they could.
I would visit her frequently, picking up a few things from the store for her. She would always supply me with vegetables from her garden in season. She mowed her own lawn, using a scythe and a push lawnmower.
She, I, and a gay mutual friend (one of only about 10 gays in a 100 mile radius) helped her build a 30 x 60 foot barn for her sheep, largely out of materials salvaged from the various collapsed buildings around her property. She was fiercely, fiercely independent and resourceful.
She was also literally paranoid over the threat of government intervention. The government had installed an "ELF" submarine tracking system throughout northern Wisconsin, and every low-flying plane or passing helicopter was an omen of danger.
We talked every day on the phone, and she would always say "We have to watch out for one another: you never know what might happen."
And then one day I tried to call her. That there was no answer wasn’t surprising: she was always out of the house tending to chores. But when after five or six calls with no response, I began to get concerned. She usually told me when she was planning to go somewhere, and she’d mentioned nothing. Finally, after about the eighth call, I was truly concerned. For some reason, I was unable to drive over (it was about a 20 minute drive) to check on her, and so I called the Sheriff’s office and asked that if they had a car in the area, they could stop and check to be sure she was okay.
I heard nothing further, and later that evening, I called again. Ursula answered the phone. I asked what had happened, and she said she had just been outside working. She then said: "You had no right to call the police. I do not want to talk to you anymore." And she hung up, and that, despite my efforts to explain that I only called the police because I was concerned for her, was, except for a few cursory accidental meetings at the store during which she was painfully uncomfortable, the end of our friendship.
I was truly sorry to lose her as a friend, but I realize that in her eyes, I had done the unforgivable: I had called her to the attention of the authorities.
I heard Ursula died last year. Though I was no longer her friend, she was still mine. I miss her.
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