|
|
|
|
Blogs by Dorien Grey
The Lazy Perfectionist
7/20/2009 3:13:22 AM
A reflection on the elusive search for perfection.
From Dorien Grey and Me (http://www.doriengreyandme.com)
It’s hard enough, I’d imagine, to be a perfectionist under the best of conditions. But for me to aspire to perfection…as I continue to do despite stupefying amounts of evidence to the contrary, is a source of constant frustration and not a little bemusement. I know of many people who aspire to it, and a few who come relatively close. I’d like to think of myself as a perfectionist, but fall so far short of the goal I’ve just about given up.
I so want to be so many things, and might possibly even manage to come within a stellar nebula’s circumference of attaining one or two of them were it not for the unfortunate fact that I much prefer to wish for something than to work for it.
Laziness has been one of the banes of my life. Somewhere I have notes from teachers stretched over the years, all saying in effect the same thing: “Roger’s a relatively good student, but could be so much better if he just applied himself.”
I am sure that one of the reasons I was dropped from the NavCads was because I was simply too lazy to work at things. I remember with horror, now, that I never memorized the numbers of the various runways from which I was expected to take off and land…I merely followed the other planes. And one time I actually came within seconds of being killed when, during night flying exercises with a large number of other planes, we were carefully instructed to climb at a specific rate of speed, and to descend at another specific rate of speed. I got them confused and, in descending, suddenly saw the looming wing and tail lights of a plane directly in front of me. I pushed the stick forward just in time and looked up as I passed not more than 20 feet below the plane that had been in front of and was now directly above me. Luckily, being at night, no one who saw my stupidity could see my plane’s ID number and I was not reported, as I certainly should have been. (I hope, by the way, that you might be following my photoblog—http://www.doriengreyphotolife.blogspot.com — which includes pictures from my navy days.)
My total inability to grasp the workings of anything with moving parts or worse, should something go wrong with them, figuring out how to fix the problem, has provided me with endless frustration and resulted in childish fits of uncontrollable rage. But for those who say simply: “Well, did you check the manual?” my answer is invariably “No.” I once read the manual for a product made in China and was halfway through it before I realized it was written in Chinese. The English version made even less sense. I find it much easier just to have someone else do it for me, even if I have to pay them to do it.
And yet none of that stops me from demanding perfection of myself. The fact, again, that no one is perfect in no way keeps me from expecting it. It’s okay for you to make a mistake, or do or say something stupid, or something you wish you hadn’t done or said, but it is not all right for me, and I hold myself in contempt for being so flawed. One of my self-deprecating mantras is: “If I can’t do something well, I won’t do it at all.” And one side-effect of that is that my heart aches when I see someone who does do something well. And that they do what I cannot/will not fills me with envy and fuels the fires of self-loathing.
But I manage, somehow. I do what I can do, and take refuge in my own little world, wherein my Dorien side and the characters in my books can do all those things I cannot do. All in all, I consider it a fair trade.
* * *
Please come back next Monday for another entry. And your comments are always welcome either here or directly (doriengrey.att.net).
Post a Comment new!
More Blogs by Dorien Grey
• You and Me - Monday, May 20, 2013
• Hope, Love, and We - Monday, April 29, 2013
• Pureed Thoughts - Monday, April 22, 2013
• The Willing Eunuch - Monday, April 15, 2013
• "If" Past, "If" Future - Monday, April 08, 2013
• Habits, Routines, and Ruts - Monday, April 01, 2013
• Mind vs. Body - Tuesday, March 26, 2013
• Rejection - Monday, March 18, 2013
• A Box of Days - Monday, March 11, 2013
• Instructions - Monday, March 04, 2013
• Ya Know? - Monday, February 25, 2013
• Logic, Oh Logic! - Monday, February 18, 2013
• North - Monday, February 11, 2013
• Domesticity, Yet Again - Monday, February 04, 2013
• The Christmas Party - Monday, December 24, 2012
• "De Profundis" - Monday, December 17, 2012
• Squiggles and Strokes - Monday, December 10, 2012
• Validation - Monday, December 03, 2012
• Wastebaskets and Life - Monday, November 19, 2012
• Once Upon a Time in the Navy - Monday, November 12, 2012
• Love - Tuesday, October 23, 2012
• Russ - Monday, October 01, 2012
• Torquemada'll Get You... - Monday, September 10, 2012
• King Canute - Monday, September 03, 2012
• Oh, the Nobility! - Monday, August 27, 2012
• A Pile of Rocks - Monday, August 06, 2012
• The Doctor is In - Monday, June 25, 2012
• Splits - Tuesday, June 19, 2012
• Softie - Monday, May 28, 2012
• Time Was - Monday, May 21, 2012
• Oh, the Nobility!! - Monday, May 07, 2012
• The Demons Within - Monday, April 30, 2012
• At the Movies - Monday, April 16, 2012
• I Believe... - Monday, April 09, 2012
• Bubbly Creek - Monday, March 26, 2012
• Who IS That Man? - Monday, March 19, 2012
• Dangling Wires - Monday, March 05, 2012
• Trains - Monday, February 27, 2012
• Songs - Monday, February 20, 2012
• Love - Monday, February 06, 2012
• Mind Boggling - Monday, January 30, 2012
• Omaha - Tuesday, January 24, 2012
• The Doctor is In - Monday, January 09, 2012
• Laughter - Tuesday, December 27, 2011
• A Job From Hell - Monday, December 05, 2011
• Ophelia - Monday, November 14, 2011
• Acknowledgement, Acceptance, and Compulsion - Monday, October 31, 2011
• Homes - Monday, October 24, 2011
• Tar Bubbles - Monday, October 17, 2011
• Different Worlds - Monday, October 10, 2011
• Missed Boats - Monday, September 26, 2011
• Little Things - Monday, September 19, 2011
• Shiva - Monday, September 12, 2011
• One Plus One Equals...?? - Monday, September 05, 2011
• Matchmaker, Matchmaker - Monday, August 29, 2011
• Journey's End - Monday, August 22, 2011
• Last Day in Rome - Monday, August 15, 2011
• Wandering through Rome - Monday, August 08, 2011
• A Stroll Through the Forum - Monday, August 01, 2011
• All Railroads Lead to Rome - Monday, July 25, 2011
• Climbing Vesuvius - Monday, July 18, 2011
• Sorrento Notes - Monday, July 11, 2011
• The Pompeiians - Monday, July 04, 2011
• And On to Florence - Monday, June 20, 2011
• The Train to Italy - Monday, June 13, 2011
• Life in Paris - Monday, May 30, 2011
• Progress Report - Monday, May 23, 2011
• Bienvenue a Paris - Monday, May 16, 2011
• A Klutz in London - Monday, May 09, 2011
• To London, To London! - Monday, May 02, 2011
• Moments - Monday, April 25, 2011
• The Likes o' Me - Monday, March 07, 2011
• Movies - Monday, February 21, 2011
• "As ithers see us" - Monday, February 14, 2011
• Kittens and Puppies - Monday, February 07, 2011
• Jobs from Heck - Monday, January 31, 2011
• The Boggled Mind - Monday, January 24, 2011
• Kids' Play - Monday, January 10, 2011
• Ozymandius - Monday, January 03, 2011
• Ponderings - Monday, December 27, 2010
• Laughter - Monday, December 20, 2010
• On Impatience - Monday, December 13, 2010
• Speaking in Tongues - Monday, December 06, 2010
• Idiots - Monday, November 29, 2010
• Losin' It - Monday, November 22, 2010
• Trains - Monday, November 15, 2010
• On Being Strange - Monday, November 08, 2010
• Cracks in the Mirror - Monday, November 01, 2010
• Because - Monday, October 25, 2010
• Strike Up the Band - Monday, October 18, 2010
• Embarrassment - Monday, October 11, 2010
• "...As Ithers See Us." - Monday, October 04, 2010
• The Way of the World - Monday, September 27, 2010
• Generations - Monday, September 20, 2010
• Letting Go - Monday, September 13, 2010
• K’nesheeshawna by Any Other Name - Monday, September 06, 2010
• Unforgiving - Monday, August 30, 2010
• For We Are a Simple People - Monday, August 23, 2010
• Seven out of Seven - Monday, August 16, 2010
• It is to Weep - Monday, August 09, 2010
• Reality and Perception - Monday, August 02, 2010
• Memory Games - Monday, July 26, 2010
• Mind and Body - Monday, July 19, 2010
• The Captain and the Ship - Monday, July 12, 2010
• Logic and the Lack Thereof - Monday, July 05, 2010
• Normal - Monday, June 28, 2010
• You Is or You Ain't - Monday, June 21, 2010
• The King of Klutz - Monday, June 14, 2010
• You & Me...& Everybody Else - Monday, June 07, 2010
• 3,993 Sundays - Monday, May 31, 2010
• Tears of Joy - Monday, May 24, 2010
• Pond Scum - Monday, May 17, 2010
• A Day at the Movies - Monday, May 10, 2010
• L'etat, C'est Moi! - Monday, May 03, 2010
• We Three - Monday, April 26, 2010
• I've Made a Little List - Monday, April 19, 2010
• Jack Spratt's Wife - Monday, April 12, 2010
• Blanks - Monday, April 05, 2010
• On Being Bubbly - Monday, March 29, 2010
• Role Models - Monday, March 22, 2010
• Do Ladybugs Dream? - Monday, March 15, 2010
• Raving About Commercials - Monday, March 08, 2010
• Sitting - Monday, March 01, 2010
• Pennies - Monday, February 22, 2010
• Bye, Bye, Baby - Monday, February 15, 2010
• Something for Nothing - Monday, February 08, 2010
• Pebbles - Monday, February 01, 2010
• Rose Petals - Monday, January 25, 2010
• On Immortality - Monday, January 18, 2010
• Leaky Boats - Monday, January 11, 2010
• Gullible's Travels - Monday, January 04, 2010
• Softie - Monday, December 28, 2009
• The Hamster Cage - Monday, December 21, 2009
• Jobs from Hell, Part I - Monday, December 14, 2009
• Ice Cream Social - Monday, December 07, 2009
• Cute - Monday, November 30, 2009
• On Praise - Monday, November 23, 2009
• Ignorance vs. Stupidity - Monday, November 16, 2009
• Mom & Dad - Monday, November 09, 2009
• The Blogger's Curse - Monday, November 02, 2009
• The Spelunker's Rope - Monday, October 26, 2009
• The Toddler's Creed - Monday, October 19, 2009
• Lost Friends - Monday, October 12, 2009
• Dorien - Monday, October 05, 2009
• Backward, Turn Backward... - Monday, September 28, 2009
• My Garden of Phobias - Monday, September 21, 2009
• "Mom and Dad" - Monday, September 14, 2009
• Falling Short - Monday, September 07, 2009
• Blank Slate - Monday, August 31, 2009
• "Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash!" - Monday, August 24, 2009
• Why, Again? - Monday, August 17, 2009
• The Seeds of Cynicism - Monday, August 10, 2009
• "Oh, the Men Will Cheer..." - Monday, August 03, 2009
• Susan - Monday, July 27, 2009
• The Lazy Perfectionist - Monday, July 20, 2009
• Sheep - Monday, July 13, 2009
• The Joys of Misery - Monday, July 06, 2009
• Condescension - Monday, June 29, 2009
• The English as She is Misspoke - Monday, June 22, 2009
• To Catch a Raindrop - Monday, June 15, 2009
• Domesticity - Monday, June 08, 2009
• Time in a Jar - Monday, June 01, 2009
• The Lives of Others - Monday, May 25, 2009
• Holding On - Monday, May 18, 2009
• Cars - Monday, May 11, 2009
• in Praise of Me - Monday, May 04, 2009
• The Sound of Music - Monday, April 27, 2009
• Obsession - Monday, April 20, 2009
• Hello, Stupid! - Monday, April 13, 2009
• And Pearls Before Swine - Monday, April 06, 2009
• Logic - Monday, March 30, 2009
• Perspectives - Monday, March 23, 2009
• My Garden of Phobias - Monday, March 16, 2009
• In the House of Cancer - Monday, March 02, 2009
• The Ways of the World - Monday, February 23, 2009
• Laughter - Monday, February 16, 2009
• Dreams - Monday, February 09, 2009
• Remember High School? - Monday, February 02, 2009
• The Pleasures of Drear - Monday, January 26, 2009
• Marching On - Monday, January 19, 2009
• Puck Was Right - Monday, January 12, 2009
• Kids Play - Monday, January 05, 2009
• Touch - Monday, December 29, 2008
• Memory and Reality - Monday, December 22, 2008
• The Other Side of the Window - Monday, December 15, 2008
• Reading the Signs - Monday, December 08, 2008
• Dust Bunnies - Monday, December 01, 2008
• Ursula's World - Monday, November 24, 2008
• Life in a Sardine Can - Monday, November 17, 2008
• My Life in Porn - Monday, November 10, 2008
• Falling Short - Monday, November 03, 2008
• Spam and Pond Scum - Monday, October 27, 2008
• The Reluctant Muse - Monday, October 20, 2008
• A Mess o'Muses - Monday, October 13, 2008
• Perchance to Dream - Wednesday, October 08, 2008
• The Lemonade Stand - Friday, October 03, 2008
• This Way to the Egress - Friday, August 01, 2008
• Ghosts & Windmills - Friday, May 02, 2008
• Revisiting A Sailor's Day - Tuesday, April 01, 2008
• Time Travelling - Monday, February 18, 2008
• Why I Write - Friday, February 01, 2008
• On Waiting - Wednesday, December 12, 2007
• I Brung 'ya Flowers - Wednesday, November 07, 2007
• Ah, Blogs! - Thursday, September 27, 2007
• Baiting the hook - Thursday, August 23, 2007
• Fishin' - Tuesday, May 22, 2007
• A Note of Thanks - Tuesday, May 01, 2007
• 16 May, 1955 - Tuesday, April 17, 2007
• Twixt Thee and Me - Tuesday, April 03, 2007
• It Isn't Raining Rain, you know..... - Tuesday, March 20, 2007
• The Omnipotent Writer - Tuesday, March 06, 2007
• Judy and Mickey - Thursday, February 22, 2007
• Of Videos and Blogs - Thursday, February 01, 2007
• A Glass of Time - Friday, January 05, 2007
• The Author's Dance - Tuesday, November 14, 2006
• Cover Story - Tuesday, August 22, 2006
• The Joys of Cyberspace - Friday, August 04, 2006
• An nInvitation to Time Travel - Monday, June 12, 2006
• Blogs and Bitching - Monday, May 29, 2006
• Two-Way Streets - Sunday, April 23, 2006
• What's a Writer to Do? - Saturday, April 22, 2006
• Remember Me? - Saturday, April 15, 2006
• Relating - Wednesday, June 16, 2004
• Cassandra - Saturday, May 29, 2004
• Talking With the Dead - Sunday, May 23, 2004
• Vegetables and Jesus - Friday, May 21, 2004
• Writers and fishermen - Wednesday, May 19, 2004
• Egos, Blogs & Trackers - Tuesday, May 11, 2004
• A Man Born After His Time - Friday, May 07, 2004
• Blog Upon a Friday Afternoon - Friday, April 30, 2004
• Impatience - Saturday, April 24, 2004
• Ladybugs - Tuesday, April 20, 2004
• Fine Lines - Saturday, April 17, 2004
• Joint Ventures - Thursday, April 15, 2004
• World Enough, and Time - Sunday, April 04, 2004
|
|
Bookmarks
