Blogs by Zahala San Simone
Have You Married A Jerk?
9/23/2006 7:02:33 PM
There's a new book out, by John Van Epp entitled "How Not to Marry a Jerk". I couldn't resist viewing an interview about it, just to see if I'd followed the rules...
And I didn't. Does this mean I married a jerk?
Well, probably so. That's why I'm divorced.
John says in his book that we often fall madly in love and as a result, begin to overlay all of our ideals on that person--whether they deserve the high praise or not. This makes sense to me, because falling in love feels good, and we do tend to overlook the obvious signs that could spell trouble. You know how it is, we make excuses for that behavior that, if we didn't care for the person so much, would require us to take a step back and analyze a bit more.
What floored me though was John's next statement in the interview. He proposed that our overlay of our ideals on our beloved causes us to extend more 'trust' to that person than they deserve.
Okay, be honest now. How many of us have experienced that? (Maybe a better question is---how many of us have NOT experienced that?!)
Nevertheless, the way he describes it sounds SO LOGICAL, so EASY. Why didn't it seem that simple when we were in the midst of it?
John also goes on to describe a jerk as (and I paraphrase here) someone who has bad qualities but refuses to change them. Sound like anybody you know?
In any case, John says that one of his goals in writing the book is to help singles engage their mind as they're going through the dating process. I know my mind is now engaged, and analyzing. How about you?
Did you marry a jerk?
Here's the link if you'd like to view the interview.
Choose Extended Books and choose the video entitled 'Singles Beware the Jerk'.
And here's the piece I was inspired to write as a result of reading the article...Hope you enjoy it (and NO, it's not about my current relationship!)
I want to be in love with him
But we don't talk anymore.
I want him to hold me again.
But I don't want to be the first to call.
I want not to move on.
But I don't want to appear weak.
This game--I'm tired
So tired of being the teacher
Where are the sons of the mothers
Who taught their children how to love?
Because I am the one more learned
Because I am the one more mature
I will call
And I will not count it as defeat.
It will be for me
Just another example
Of how he disappoints me
And causes me to wonder
Why I ever loved him.
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More Blogs by Zahala San Simone
The World's Oldest Teenager - Monday, October 30, 2006
Ok. Iím through. - Saturday, October 21, 2006
A Wish for Cory's Family - Sunday, October 15, 2006
What Folks Won't Do... - Tuesday, October 10, 2006
What's Going On With Healthcare? - Sunday, October 01, 2006
Why Won't They Hire Me? - Saturday, September 30, 2006
Have You Married A Jerk? - Saturday, September 23, 2006
I Cannot Fathom...Ground Zero - Monday, September 11, 2006
Likeability - Friday, September 08, 2006
Good News--At Least They Look Like Us! - Thursday, September 07, 2006
Just One Of Those Days - Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Keep Trying! - Tuesday, September 05, 2006