Blogs by Lori S. Maynard
What is Fate??
8/8/2005 6:40:15 PM
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We all have those moments in our lives that we regret or wish just never happened. We all have that one love that has escaped us and we all constantly dream of that one love that has yet to find us. Life is such a funny and cruel circle of comedic tragedy.
So, I'm sitting here and looking at this computer...at this screen...at this portal into a world even more unknown than the one that I am living now.
I'm one of those who believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I can think backwards through my many breaths and point out the one, singular breath that changed my life forever...the courses that I chose to travel and the consequences that each brought forth. My choice to work three jobs in 1998 (one being traveling with a carnival full time), led me to an accident with a semi.
That accident changed my life in so many ways...and all because I chose to continue working with the carnival even though I had a full and part time job back at home.
That is where my life spirals. So many chance encounters and bouts of the blackest depression a human soul can fathom. Each day was a new journey... a new set of joys and another set of consequences.
Now, I'm on another stepping block and I'm looking at it carefully - what are the joys? What will be the consequences and where does this play out in the grander scheme that is life.
Of course, I just cannot explain what is on my mind. It is neither my journey nor my life. But, if everything happens for a reason, I'm wondering what the reason will be that I have found myself at this one small point in life. It's a little scary because the future is always unsure...and this is unsure. To get out and to meet new people...there is a gamble there that should make people like me and have to announce to the world: "Hi, I'm _________ and I am addicted to gambling"
You never know who you are going to meet in this grand ol' life and what secrets they hold. Then again, we all have those...We all have those moments in our lives that we regret or wish just never happened. We all have that one love that has escaped us and we all constantly dream of that one love that has yet to find us. Life is such a funny and cruel circle of comedic tragedy.
So, I'm sitting here and looking at this computer...at this screen...at this portal into a world even more unknown than the one that I am living now. We all have the same dreams in this lifetime...no one wishes to be totally alone in life...or so I believe. Why is it that I am alone now? Why is it that each time I choose that journey...somehow it becomes the journey that finds me?
Life is like one of those 3D puzzles... One look and it's cluttered and messy...pure chaos in truest form and no form in its truest. We look too hard, we try to make ourselves see things that are not there. Instead, the trick is, to look beyond that mess...let go...unfocus a little and let it come to you. That's what I'm doing now to my life. I'm not trying to read what is there or why I have reached the road where I now stand. Nor do I wish to force any belief into my mind that is not in the picture. In time, the picture will come to me.
If everything has a reason, there is purpose for my standing at this crossroads. Whether it to learn something, to gain a friend or beyond...there has got to be a reason why two people meet at a deserted crossroad at the same time. What paths lead two seperate lives...two seperate beings through space and time to end them up at a lonely intersection instantaneously?
I know that this is a universal thought. We are each inflicted with this same disease...the disease called simply "Why?"
Why do we exist? Why do we do the things that we do? Why do we end up where we end up?
So, my good friends, I shall see where this crossroad takes me. I'm trusting that I was led here for a reason and trusting in the signs. Yeah, sometimes I'm a little romantic in believing that there are signs everywhere if we are keen enough to look for them. Though sometimes, I just plead ignorance and totally ignore them. But down the road, they hit you in hindsight and then it's only obvious.
And I wish that I could seek your advice like a warm blanket on the coldest winter morn; however, this is something that only I can answer and must leave it at that.
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More Blogs by Lori S. Maynard
An empty Monday - Monday, May 06, 2013
Infinite Pieces - Saturday, May 28, 2011
Forgotten Words of a Tired Mind - Sunday, January 14, 2007
The wind is strong - Monday, March 13, 2006
Frozen Ghosts - Sunday, February 05, 2006
In Life Again - Friday, January 20, 2006
A Cold and Empty Wind - Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Indecision - Saturday, January 14, 2006
As the Pendulum Tumbles - Monday, January 09, 2006
Another bridge slips below the waves - Friday, January 06, 2006
Love after divorce? - Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Yeah, it's Friday! - Friday, August 12, 2005
augh* - Thursday, August 11, 2005
What is Fate?? - Monday, August 08, 2005
Dirty Chrome - Monday, June 06, 2005
What to say? - Friday, April 29, 2005
Another passing - Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Solemn Week - Friday, October 22, 2004
Wreck - Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Another terrible day - Tuesday, October 12, 2004
tired mind on tired day - Saturday, September 04, 2004