Friday, February 04, 2005 6:40:00 AM
Euthanasia will save the Social Security system, according to George Hamler, spokesman for the Neoconservative Anthropological Association. He identified euthanasia as "a true conservative practice."
Mr. Hamler said that reverting to the primitive custom of killing feeble people who would otherwise be a burden on society would not only save the Social Security system from bankruptcy but would also result in surpluses adequate enough to increase benefits and reduce the retirement age to 45.
"We must overcome our narcissistic fear of death," said Mr. Hamler, "and recognize death as nature's way of rejuvenating our society, so that it may become young and strong again."
Mr. Hamler recommended that all people over 40 be tested annually. Anyone who could not carry their own weight would be euthanized by the Social Security Administration.
He said that the more ethical primitive groups stoned or choked feeble people to death instead of leaving them in the bush to die and to be eaten by animals.
"People once welcomed the good death. They thanked their relatives, in advance, for killing them on the appointed day. Today it is best, however, to have the Social Security Administration handle the injections or gassing process, to make sure there is no suffering and that death be a celebration for the social good."