Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e-mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesn’t reject this newsletter, please add tinatessina@Compuserve.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. To unsubscribe, see below.
Happiness Tip: Intuition or Inner knowing

When I met Richard, my husband, October 10, 1981, he was sitting outside, and the sun was glinting off his red hair, and my whole body and soul said "wow!" Twenty-three years later, we’re still happy. It turned out to be a lasting love at first sight. How did I know?

I didn’t. It’s a lovely story, and all true, but it leaves out some important facts. The truth is that I felt that "wow!" to one degree or another for many guys while I was single. The difference is that with Richard, everything progressed pretty seamlessly from that first day until marriage. He turned out to be a good guy, our chemistry worked, and (with considerable work) we learned how to create a lasting, loving partnership. Now, coming up on our 23rd anniversary, we feel happy and blessed.

Our very good luck in having "love at first sight" came true only in hindsight. No one really knows at the beginning. Still, that initial flash of insight did exist, and was part of what later developed into lasting love.

I trust my intuition in many ways. If I'm thinking of someone, I call them. Sometimes, they were hoping I would. Once or twice, as I've picked up the phone to call , the friend I was calling was already on the line, and the phone hadn't even rung yet. At times people call me, and I say "You got my message" because I was just thinking of calling them.

Intuition and empathy are basic tools for a good psychotherapist. In my sessions, I pay attention to get the meta- communication -- the things clients *aren't* saying verbally – to help my clients clarify and solve their problems. I have operated on my intuition, balanced by rational thought, all my life, and it's led me to living a life that is all one piece, blending work, home and relationships, and that has meaning and joy for me. It also helps me help my clients learn to use their own intuition.

Intuition is not as magical or mysterious as it sounds. It's a mental tool that uses our perception of things that may not be obvious otherwise, such as someone’s facial expressions, pheromones (subliminal scent cues), past behavior and "vibes" to give us an impression we could not get on a rational level. Trusting intuition and giving yourself a chance to check it, opens up your receiving process -- so you notice what's coming your way, and can be open to it. Previously in this newsletter, I’ve explained "prepatory set" a tool our brains use to sort through all the overwhelming data coming in every moment, and filter out what you don't want to see, and highlight what you do want to see. This means that when you are open to getting intuitive info, you'll find it. Both the positive and negative opportunities and choices are around us all the time. Our expectations and perception determine which options we notice most readily.

With my therapy clients, I often trust my intuition about what they're thinking, but I am also aware I'm getting clues or "vibes" from them, which my subconscious is interpreting -- and it's pretty accurate. Clients are often astounded that I seem to know what they're thinking, but it's not magic -- it's just one more amazing emotional/psychological/mental skill we all have, that my training and experience have fine tuned. The mind, if we relax and trust it, truly has some miraculous abilities.

Intuitive expertise becomes really valuable when you’re looking for love. Use your intuition to tell if someone is lying – simply go slowly and check the person out as you go along. If you become aware that you are uncomfortable or afraid in someone’s presence, that’s your intuitive early warning system – pay very close attention and find out what is causing your negative reaction. If you take the time to get to know a new potential date, you’ll have a chance to check out the validity of both positive and negative intuition,. By keeping the relationship in the "friends" category, you will know more about the person before taking risks. If you feel pressured to go faster, see this as a warning. Begin getting to know a new person in group settings. By meeting people in safe venues and groups, you automatically begin as friends, and know more about your date before you begin dating. You also get the benefit of your other friends' reactions to your potential date – pay attention to their feedback, they could be right. Don't let attraction overrule your common sense. Your libido can't tell an ax murderer from a saint; but your intuition, backed up by rational thougt, can. Look for integrity make sure your date walks his or her talk. Anyone can talk big. Actually, some of the best people *don't* present themselves well don't overlook someone who is not gorgeous, charming and glib, but has all the qualities you really value.

Your intuition by itself may not be magic, but when you use it wisely, it can help make your dreams come true. (From It Ends with You) © 2005 Tina B. Tessina

Appearances Calendar

Print Media
I hope you’re enjoying my "Psychology Smarts" column in First for Women magazine, I’ve enjoyed answering readers’ questions.

I’m quoted in the July 2005 issue of Fitness Magazine article, "How to Break Up With Anyone"

Online
"Dating Guidelines for Single Parents" excerpted from the UG to Dating Again is now online at News For Parents website http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_dating_single_parents.html
My article, "Sex and a Sense of Humor" is now featured on SheKnows.com http://sheknows.com/about/look/5604.htm

You can find me on the Internet, as the "Dating Doctor" on www.couplescompany.com, "Dr. Romance" on Yahoo!Personals at http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/content_date, a designated Marriage Expert for Redbook Institute and I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com.

Radio
Catch my radio show on the web: "The Psyche Deli: delectable tidbits for the subconscious" on the Leisure Talk Radio Network at www.leisuretalk.net every 12, 4, and 8 a.m. & p.m. EDT, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. For more information: www.tinatessina.com

Through my website, you can get CE credits online based on my books: It Ends With You; How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free and The Real 13th Step To sign up for classes or browse my books, visit www.tinatessina.com.

I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX
Re: Meaning of Life

I truly love reading your newsletters. In my search for my "Meaning", I have just passed my real estate exam. I'm so proud of myself. Thanks for your continued good thoughts. Loved the guru joke!!
Love, Jan

Congratulations, Jan!

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to let you know that I am doing well. I am living in San Diego now having recently re-entering my graduate program at SDSU. I enjoy reading your newsletters and find them encouraging and thoughtful.
Walter

Thanks, Walter. It’s great to hear you’re doing so well. You deserve to be proud.


Wise and inspiring words. It's clear you do your job well, with purpose! I've found in my own experience, too, that we need to feel needed, that our work serve some higher purpose, and that we are appreciated for it. (Today's tendency towards specialization probably makes this that much more difficult, as we too often don't see the big picture of an end result.) And most of us need hardly more than that--not the riches and great acclaim, but a quiet validation, yes, I see you, and I recognize your value.

I have also always been intrigued with our paradigm of connection--mind, body, spirit--and that whenever we neglect one of these, all will suffer. Balanced, we can achieve a peace and satisfaction with our place in life; we become powerful.

Thank you for a fine article. Zinta

And thank you, Zinta, for that thoughtful response. I agree with you about specialization, and I appreciate the validation.

I ordered 2 more of your books this week. Your teachings are really helpful. Bless you. Can't imagine how you keep up with your busy life!

Love and hugs,
Ramona

Thanks so much, Ramona. It’s lovely to hear that you’re finding this helpful.


hi tina
this is Chuks from Nigeria, it is really wonderfull reading ur write up. Thank u very much 4 this wonderful job u ar doing. keep it up. which country ar u based?

Hi, Chuks, I’m in the USA, and surprised to know this newsletter reaches Nigeria. Thanks for writing.