Dear Friends:

Welcome to our new subscribers, I love hearing from all of you, and I've printed your e-mail responses at the bottom of this newsletter. I welcome all suggestions for topics. To make sure your spam system doesn’t reject this newsletter, please add tinatessina@Compuserve.com to your list of acceptable e-mail. To unsubscribe, see below.
Happiness Tip: Practicing Patience

Happy New Year! This is the traditional time for making resolutions, which we all know are simple to make, but much more difficult to keep. Resolutions imply change, and making changes requires patience. It’s such a valuable component of character that St Paul considered it evidence that a person was living in faith: “...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control,” he wrote to the Galatians.

Like everyone else, I struggle with learning to be patient myself. Patience is also a problem my clients ask about. Shakespeare recognized how important patience was to healing: “How poor are they that have not patience!” he wrote. “What wound did ever heal but by degrees?”

Making any change, including keeping your resolutions, requires patience because no change happens instantly. The amount of patience you have in daily life and in relationships can determine how much you enjoy your life.

The opposite of having patience is being impulsive. Impulsiveness in all of us arises from the emotional aspect of the mind. When we act thoughtlessly on impulses, we cannot maintain resolve, and it’s easy to be run around by the opinions of others, or by outdated information we learned in early childhood. Learning to be patient and remain calm reduces and relieves stress and worry. Cultivating patience is really learning impulse control – it's an issue in self-control. You can learn how to do "emotional maintenance" and shake off stress, keep on track of what you want to do, and let go of frustration when something is getting to you. Patience is learning how to wait until you’ve thought before acting and made sure you understand the options and take control of your own ideas and decisions. It's a growth process, a transformation of self through awareness and learning.

To acquire patience, we must learn not to act on impulse, but change our thinking and attitude, and reach out for support and encouragement. To learn the necessary patience and determination to reach long-term goals, practice on small things first, and learn how to sort through what is worth exercising patience, and what is not. ugh what is worth exercising patience, and what is not.

Seven Steps to Help You Learn Patience:

1: Wait: The old advice to “count to 10 before you respond” is a great way to learn patience. Give yourself a chance to give your best response.

2: Use Perspective -- put your impulses or desires in perspective – will it be important an hour from now -- fifteen minutes from now? Most of them won't be.

3. Self-understanding: If you are tempted to act on impulse, understand that the impulse is normal, but you don’t have to be run by it. Reactions and impulses are normal -- it's how thoughtfully we act on them that counts.

4: Take a longer view: If you’re reacting because someone upset you (e.g.: a friend who hurt your feelings) or then give a little prayer of thanks that it wasn't worse, say a blessing for your friend (who probably needs it) and you'll feel better. If you are tempted to break a resolution, pause a minute and consider your bigger goal – then decide if the momentary impulse is worth setting back your goal.

5. Give yourself a break: If you act on an impulse before thinking about it, acknowledge that you did it, then forgive yourself and get back on track. If you find yourself acting impulsively a lot, then maybe your goal is too rigid, and you need to allow a little more room for yourself.

6. Consider the source: Impulses are often a reaction to outside circumstances – for example, wanting dessert because it’s there, when you wouldn’t think of it otherwise. Make sure what you do is what you really want to do.

7: Celebrate: Remember to celebrate your accomplishments and all the times you do what you intend to. Frequent small celebrations are a way to reward yourself for patience, and to increase your motivation to be even more patient.

Learning patience is the surest way to be able to accomplish your goals and dreams. I wish you the happiest of new years in 2007!

adapted from It Ends With You
© Tina B.Tessina, 2007
If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

Anticipating Change
Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
Emotions as Weather
Getting Out of Your Way
Motivation And How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss)
Patterns of Change
The Power of Purpose
Resolving Inner Anarchy
Winning The War Within
Without Ego

Appearances Calendar
upcoming radio shows, TV, and lectures are all posted on my website at www.tinatessina.com
Watch my website for two new books:
"Commuter Marriage" and "Money, Sex & Kids"to be published in 2007 by Adams Press.

Online
You can find me on the Internet, as the "Dating Doctor" on www.couplescompany.com, "Dr. Romance" on Yahoo!Personals at http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/content_date [See my predictions for dating in 2007 at http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_romance-predictions-07 (scroll down)], a designated Expert for Redbook Love Network and I'll also answer your questions at http://www.tinatessina.com.

See my article "Guidelines for a great first date" on Yahoo!Personals http://p4mud.beta.personals.yahoo.com/static/dating-advice_first-date-guide


I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.
Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX
Re: Life Lessons

Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. They say God never gives a person more than they can handle, but some times we wonder why so much happens. Your article gives much to think about.. A good write....MaryGrace
Thank you, MaryGrace, when we get too much to handle, that’s when we need each other.

Alas, the irony of it all. Just when you've got it all figure out, it's time to leave.....John
Well, John, who knows? Maybe you take what you learned with you.

Re: No Two Miracles Alike

Very inspirational. It's interesting that the real world, its objects, processes, its people, provide all the miracles we need if we only use our empirical powers to see and enjoy. No conjured "miracle" can hold a candle to the beauties of the natural world. Thanks, Leland
Yes, the world as it is has enough miracles for me, too. Thank you, Leland.

An excellent article Tina. Many of us take every day things for granted. (ps) The Xmas stamps are nice this year! ...M
Thank you, I’m glad you liked it, and I certainly agree about the stamps.

Thanks! I'm going to pass this on to friends. It's beautiful. ...Kathy
Thanks, Kathy, I always appreciate it when my readers share with their friends.

Tina, I so enjoy reading your emails and heart warming messages. I wish I could hear the music Ron wrote to your lovely Christmas song. Thanks for your wisdom and the miracle of your generous Heart and Mind! Happy Holidays and may the new year bring you and yours the best year ever!....Ward
Same to you, Ward, and thank you – I’m glad you enjoy it.


Thank you so much for your nice letters, Tina. Your wise and encouraging words really mean a lot to me. I wish you a very merry chirstmas and all the best for the coming new year!
Tessa From: Helsinki, Finland
Happy New Year to you, too, Tessa, and thank you.

Your column keeps getting better & better. Each one is a beautiful teaching from the heart.
Molly
Thanks so much, Molly. I’m glad you’re enjoying them.


HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS!! MY WIFE AND I REALLY ENJOY YOUR WORK, THANK YOU! ....Jack
Thanks to both of you, Jack, and Happy New Year!

Hello, I enjoyed visiting your website today. Several of your books sound very interesting, and I will definitely be reading them. Have a great holiday season! Rhonda :-)
Thanks, Rhonda – I hope you enjoy the newsletter, too.

I want to let you know that your works are greatly appreciated. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! ....Susan
Thanks, Susan. Enjoy the newsletter!

I simply love your writing! Happy Holidays! Linda
Same to you, Linda, and thanks! Enjoy the newsletter!

These books must be a boon to countless women. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Margaret
Thank you, Margaret. Enjoy the newsletter!

NOTE TO MY READERS:
The newest spam scam is to use someone's web address to send out spam. So, if you get unsolicited e-mail from tinatessina.com, I hope you'll understand I didn't send it, and I can't do anything to stop it. Please don't let it stop you from enjoying this newsletter.