Hi, All!

Hope your Halloween will be a fun one.

This issue will include your regular features. Remember, if you prefer to read without visiting a website, just scroll down.

For an easier - to - read format, follow the links.

Take care and enjoy!

Allyn
P.S. The comment feature is turned off of The Alert Parent blog. If you want to comment about "The Things We Do," do so from the blog instead of this email. It's much easier that way!

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First Feature Article: Eyes Wide Open
www.thealertparent.com
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Second Feature Article: The Things We Do
www.allynevans.blogspot.com
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Article #1: Eyes Wide Open

Addy was eight - years - old when she became aware that others might be critical of her. It was hard for me to watch.

“First grade is when I started to care about what others thought,” my husband said when we discussed this. As a child I had a similar realization.


I think my awareness of external judgment started in second grade when it was clear that all the other children didn’t have as much arm hair as I did. I cried about it, and even asked my mother to take me to the doctor. The doctor said something like, “You need to dye and cut it regularly.” We tried the trimming thing for a while, but my arms always looked worse—gaps of hair missing were much more obvious than leaving it be.

I had been affected by the ‘good opinion of others’ through my young adulthood. It’s the approval issue. We come out of childhood craving it. We drown out our internal voices because we worry who we are will not match up to the expectations of others and we will be proven unlovable.

Through Addy and her friends, I have an opportunity to again look at these processes. Why do we feel the need to twist ourselves to be like everyone else?

Deb Dunham (http://www.tweenyouandmebook.com/) who also writes about and for tweens and teens wrote an article, I wanted to share with you.

The remaining column is a reprinting of an article posted by Deb on her blog.

Following a discussion about preteen stress, my 11 - yr old daughter looked at her 5 - year old sister and said, ‘I feel so bad that she’ll have to learn about grownup stuff some day. She’s so oblivious and happy now.’ My tween was reflecting on her own recent transition to a broader awareness.

When girls enter tweenhood, it’s as if their eyes are dilated and suddenly they see much more than they can absorb.

Tweens today are part of an information age that exposes them to mature concepts at an early age. But even with careful censoring of information, tweens become shockingly aware of the bigger world – thanks to their newly emerging self - consciousness.



They begin to see that the world has opinions of them; and they start to favor the judgment of others over their own self - assessment.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, many girls suffer a crisis of confidence between the ages of 11 and 13. This crisis follows them deep into their teen years as evidenced by reports that less than 1/3 of high school girls say they are happy with who they are.

Tweens are receptive to positive input. Parents can take advantage of this receptivity to bolster a tween’s confidence level.

1. Promote a sense of belonging and value. Involve your daughter in family plans. Ask for her opinion and allow her to orchestrate the details of an event.

2. Promote self - reliance and competence. Provide ample developmentally appropriate responsibilities and choices. Promote independent problem - solving. Remember most tweens are not necessarily asking for advice, but instead need to be heard.

3. Be a positive role model. Demonstrate respect by avoiding criticism of yourself and others. Most importantly, take ownership for your own choices by apologizing when necessary.

It’s natural for adolescents to suffer a decline in self - approval as they enter tweenhood. But it’s also possible for them to build confidence and self - love with careful guidance.

Tweens are resilient beings who can do more than survive the challenges of adolescence. Parents can acknowledge the hardships of a preteen and simultaneously expect them to thrive. Every child deserves to enjoy the benefits of self - acceptance. Every child can feel lovable, capable, and valuable.

Thanks Deb for your contribution!

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Article #2: The Things We Do

I can see it now. One hundred years into the future, there will be a woman who decides to write about the tortures women of the early 21st century endured.

She would be writing about what they did. "They literally punched holes in odd places. They punched holes in their earlobes. Not only this, needles were used. How crazy is that?"


She would also report that she discovered pictures of women with bellybutton, nose, lip and tongue rings.
"Some of them had multiple puncture wounds. Men did it too." She would report how interesting the diary entries were.


"I can find no medical reason for someone to do this. It appears to be purely a vanity issue."


She would also report on the body art. "Some people allowed tattoo artists, as they were called, to paint pictures on them, again with needles. Many seemed to take the subtle approach, but some covered themselves with body art."

As I thought about this woman who would write about us so many years in the future, I was pulling off my Solar nails. This made me think of corsets. Wasn't that about hundred years ago? And wasn't it crazy that women wore them?


Okay, so the corset deal was a lot worse. Right? You should see my nails! Oops. I just pulled off the top layer.

And then I start thinking about my week.

"I have an event to attend. I have to get my nails done. I’m serious."


These thoughts are running through my head. Well, I shouldn’t get my nails done on Monday. I need to allow more time to heal. They are tender to the touch.


"Gotta do them. Gotta get them done. I can’t go without the nails. Look at these nails. Hhhhmmmm. It will not hurt too bad. I’ll tell them to go easy. Gotta have my nails."

And then it hits me. "Oh no. The roots are showing."


Allyn Evans