EULOGY -

James B. Niven, III - 11-08-1963 - 10-11-2009

"Bon Voyage" - Mon Capitan ...

My Nephew - Cap’n Jim

© - Tom Hyland - 10-12-09

Well, Bunky - We sure had our Ups and Downs -
Some Good Times with Smiles -
Bad Ones with Frowns!

Let Us consider some Good Ones -
When Everything Possible Went Wrong -
But - We Still Laughed Our Fool Arses Off!

Like the Time I fell Overboard at the Pier -
And you Banged my Knuckles -
So’s I Didn’t Bend Your Freakin’ Chrome Hand-Rail!

Then, there was the Time at Chincoteaque -
When - after Putting the Boat in the Water -
The Damned Battery was Dead -
And you had to Ratchet it back up on the Trailer -
No Crabbing That Day!

Another Time - was when you Put In -
Down at Sandy Point State Park -
And then - as the Boat started Taking On Water -
Realized you Forgot the “FLIM-FLAM Rose-Plug!”

Yet another Time - You, Me, and my Son Tom -
Went Crabbing (after you n’ me Drinkin’ all Nite) -
And after putting in about Thirty Damned Crab-Traps -
In the Dark - No Less - I fell asleep in the back of the Pick-Up -
When I Awoke on the way Home -
All the Damned Flies were Eating me Alive -
And - the Stinkin’ Crabs Smelled Real Good Too!

Then there was the Time when we Crabbed All Day -
And my Legs were Sun-Burnt as Hell -
And Caught Nothin’ - Well - No Keepers Anyway!
Even the Commercial Crabbers had No Luck -
And after Ridin’ Up n’ Down Every Freakin’
Dead-End Road on the Water’s Edge -

And Nobody had Any Crabs For Sale - NO CRABS?
For The Fourth of July? No Way - Jose!

So you Zipped into a Place on Ritchie Highway -
To actually BUY SOME!
When the Guy Hollered out - “Bushel of Number Ones!”
And Nobody Answered - You said: “Her I Am!”
Paid the Money and Ran Like the Dickens -
And You Hadn’t Even Ordered Yet!

At the Truck you said: “Hurry Up - Get In!”
“Somebody is Gon’na be Mad As Hell!”

OH! Yeah - How about The Great Flounder Fishing Expedition?
Chincoteaque Island Again - You n’ Me - Gary n’ Richard -
Kenny Camden n’ Rob “The Rookie” -
Who Didn’t Know How to Bait a Hook!

Yep! Rained like Hell for Two Days -
Cold n’ Wet - n’ Grumpy -
Six ‘Pros’ Caught Five ‘Keepers!’

And the Screw was Slippin’ on the Shaft
Of the Rented Pontoon Boat -
But We Brave, Half-Drunk Mariners -
Made it Back to Port Anyway!

Well - There was Many a Land-Lubber Story Too -
When we had all that Fun - MOVIN’!
You n’ me n’ Andrew MacSherry Too-

Loadin’ All my Crap n’ Furniture -
N’ Heavy TV Set n’ my Antique Stove -

FROM - Arabia Avenue - TO - Your Mom’s in Lansdowne -
FROM - Hillendale Road - TO - my Apartment in Essex -
FROM - Essex - TO - my Trailer on Back River -

Yep! That Antique Stove is Still - Red, White n’ Blue -
And - Still - Out in my Shed-House!
ANY BUYERS OUT THERE?

- Cap’n Jim -

As Surely as the Sun Sets in the West - You will Sorely be Missed!
While you were always a ‘Power-Boat’ Man -
And Hated ‘Sail-Boaters’ -

I Trust your Compass and LAN are Set -
For Smoother Waters n’ Smoother Sailing -
Good Luck - God Speed -
And May Your Next Port of Call - Be -
Warm - and - Calm - and - With Great Fishing!

P.S. - Thanks for Kickin’ My Arse in Eight-Ball -
N’ Keepin’ Me Humble!

Love - “Unk’ Tom -

“TOODLE-OO - SKIPPER!”