by Alan Abrams
Friday, April 06, 2012
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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a work in process
building starts with retromotion—
backhoe bucket, lunging, plunging into the earth,
engine burdened, black smoke belching--
burnished teeth rending, bucket lifting, heaped with black soil--
that first pungent scoop, perfume to a builder’s nose
* * *
sun breaks over tops of trees--
and where the light descends into the pit,
it aurifies the ochre floor, on which I stand,
gravedeep, in my private room--
surrounded by these layered walls, roofed over by the perfect sky
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|Reviewed by Diana Legun
|This piece presents to me, an anti-development slant with words in the first stanza of 'burnished teeth', 'belching,' 'heaped' and then slips in a positive note of "perfume to a builder's nose." The second stanza is full of earth and air appreciation and juxtaposing 'freedom' of sun, trees, light, perfect sky . . with pit and gravedeep. It feels like the story of life; we notice 'in my private room' the contrast of intruder and intrudee. Everywhere. Mural of a happening in this. ~~ Diana|
|Reviewed by Joel Sattler
|Reviewed by Ronald Hull
|A vivid description of new construction. Perhaps a rebuilt life.
|Reviewed by C. McGovern-Bowen
|nicely done, alan.|
|Reviewed by John Flanagan
|the first stanza is rich in image
of doing, Alan, but the second
moves to another level, the inner construction,
the human condition
this is fine work indeed
|Reviewed by Joyce Bell
|AWESOME WORK...BRINGING ALL OF THE ELEMENTS TOGETHER...HIGH AND LOW...THAT GIVES YOU JOY AND PEACE. CERTAINLY, MUCH 'WORK' GOING ON HERE. THANKS FOR SHARING. LOVE, BLESSINGS AND FAITH...
JOYCE * HIS INSPIRATIONS
|Reviewed by jude forese
|enjoyed how you constructed the ambiance of this poem ...|